temper tantrums by a four year old?

Question

my daughter is 4 1/2 and has only been having these tantrums for a couple months now. She has a complete melt down if she does not get what she wants. I have never given in to her and when we are at home and she has one, she goes to her room herself to calm down. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? She is quite stubborn and it is almost like she just keeps doing it thinking that eventually we will give in to her. If anyone has any idea's, that would be great

Answer 1

My nephew did the same thing and he was very stubborn! I never gave in to him but he kept doing it also! when she does tell her she can either stop now or go sit in timeout and if she doesn't stop put her in timeout until she does or tell her she can stop or your going to take away a certain privilege like watching TV and give her the choice and if she doesn't stop tale the privilege away and just keep doing that! hopefully she is just going through a stage and she will probably soon realize that your not going to give in to her and stop

Answer 2

The ONLY way you can EVER solve a problem is by knowing what the problem is. You don't want to get him to stop the tantums until you know their root cause. Do you remember the last time you were furious with your husband, or mother, or child? Not just mad, but furious? Do you like feeling that way? Of course not. You feel saddended that you are not "getting the message through", you feel scared, you feel out of control. Maybe you even feel embarassed about your reaction. This is more than likely how children feel when they throw tantrums along with feeling completely misunderstood. Find out what is wrong. I do NOT recommend counseling. They will surely "diagnose" him with some mental illness and prescribe him medications(adult psychotropics). The label of having a mental illness will follow him the rest of his life, ruin his school life, and only serve to lower his self-esteem eternally and make him much worse in the long run. If you feel as though you need outside help, you may want to call on other members of your family, or another adult that loves children and has plenty of patience and understanding. I do recommend that you and your husband get counseling. A wonderful counselor is Jan Hunt. Another is Naomi Aldort. Neither of them believe in spanking either and are wonderful women to speak to. In the meantime, here is Jan Hunt's website that may help you further. Good luck, and hang in there!

Answer 3

You're doing everything right. Just explain to her she's not allowed to throw that fit, and that you cannot discuss things with her when she's behaving that way and when she calms down you'll talk about it.

If its the same thing each time she's wanting, I would use it as a way to build her confidence and sense of worth. If she's wanting a toy or a trip some place tell her when she calms down and will reason with you that you'll work out a plan so she can earn it.

You're not bribing her, so dont EVER let it get to that point, but let her know if she wants to earn it she can work for it, and then when you are able and when you know its a good time you'll take her where she needs to go.

The goal is to remain the parent and the one whos in control. Kids need that, they think they dont, but they just dont function right without it.

Also, spend your time when you're with her always tlaking to her about how you're proud of her, and how you're so glad she can use her words instead of throwing a fit. Point out that behavior in other children, either at the store or on tv. Tell her how you want her to behave, and how proud you are that she does. Even though she's throwing fits from time to time, it doesnt matter, you're building her confidence in herself and in her knowledge and choice of whats right verses whats bad and wrong.

you're doing a great job. Dont be afraid to implement a time out in public, even if it means leaving the grocerys on the check out counter and marching her to the car for a sit. This time will pass, i promise.

Answer 4

Well when I use to do that my mom would pop my but once and say no and go to your room and when by brother did that in the store she would walk away and stand hidden at the end of the aisle and wait to see what he would do and he would stop and everything would be fine. I think to pop them and tell them no is not a bad thing. Everyone needs a little discipline in there life it really is matter of how far you are willing to go. Some parents don't spank and that is there choice but I also think it is part of a stage in her life and to give her that extra push out of it she would stop.
Good Luck.

Answer 5

Honestly, it sounds like you are doing the right thing. As long as you and no other authority figure in your home gives in, she will give up. Sometimes it takes time for the kids to realize.

One thing I've taught my 4 yr old, is how to take a deep breathe or two and it really helps him calm down; whether he is angry or just upset.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I have 3 kids myself and i've noticed children at this age usually throw temper tantrums for attention, rather than give them the extra attention on how much is bother you, ignore the behavior and when she is not acting out give her much praises on how you are happy w/ how she is acting. This will encourage her to act better and return she gets the positive attention she may desire rather than negative. Also sometimes I've noticed children throw temper tantrums because they have trouble expressing themselves, ( I feel) it might be good to sit down w/ your preschooler and ask if something else is bothering them and reasure her she can talk to you. Maybe she's feeling sick, tired, or over stimulated.

Answer 7

i really don't know how to help you, but my daughter just started the same thing. I usually sit down and look her in the eye and let her know that i'm the mom. She will listen for a little bit, but then goes back to it. I honestly think she gets it from people she is around. I have limited the visits to grandmas house so that she doesn't get spoiled more that what she is supposed to be.

Answer 8

It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Just remember to ALWAYS be consistant. My 6 yr old had more tantrums than i have hairs on my head, and trust me, it wasn't for a lack of structure... He had his butt spanked a couple thousand times. Thankfully he's grown out of it. Ages and stages... Just hang in there.. It's definitely harder on you than it is her!

Answer 9

well my daughter has some sometimes...shes almost 4(in april) but she learned them form her step sister(shes almost 9)....whatever you do NEVER give in...trust me...once you do your life will be hell.......my husband gives into his daughter all the time and she throws a fit over the dumbest **** and SHES 8!!!.... when she does that tell her only babies throw fits and if she goes to her room...dont follow her just let her be.........also, if when she comes out or even later that night wants to do somthing fun.....tell her no b/c you dont get what u want when you throw a fit.....she will probably throw a fit over that for the first few times u tell her but trust me...i did it for my daughter and as long as u stick to it...it will work!! good luck!

Answer 10

Try this...I would suggest trying it at home first. When she exhibits this behavior mimic her. Do the exact same thing she does but on a grander scale. If she screams lying on the floor while kicking and flailing around you do the same thing. Show her how silly it looks. I bet she will stop after mom doing it.