my teenage daughter.........?

Question

recently admitted to me that she had lost her virginity. she said it was willingly...

i'm extremly upset and don't know wat to do.......... she's only 14

Answer 1

When you're not upset or disappointed etc sit down with her.

Tell her that you'd like her to be completely honest with you about how it happened and who it happened with and why she decided to do it.

Then I would suggest you ask her if she used contraception, if not then you'll need to take her to a doctor.

Remind her that it's actually against the law and the boy could be charged with statutory rape. She could end up pregnant. She could end up with an STD.

Don't yell, just speak calmly. You want to treat her like a young adult.


Good luck.

...

Answer 2

ok if you snap and get angrey, she'll never tell you anything agin. From the sound of it you have a good realtionship so don't ruin it. locking her up won't help, she'll get rebellous and runaway. So talk to her, since she's already had sex shes gonna do it agin. Talk to her about birth control and condoms ratehr that never do it agin, because the truth is she's 14 and not a virgin, do you actually think shes going to weight 3 or 4 years b4 having sex again. I would know best about this, i'm 15 and pregnant. I didn't tell my mom when I lost my virginity so your daughter is mature.Her telling you may be a hint she wants birth contol idk but good luck!

Answer 3

well, don't blow a gasket because there isn't anything you can do to fix what she did. Not to mention, she will never want to tell/admit to you anything ever again if you freak out.
You must communicate with her. What I would do if I were you would be to take her to planned parenthood or the public health department (or make her go herself) Let her know that if she is grown up enough to be having sex, she should be grown up enough to be smart about it.
Talk to her on a light but serious note about not being promiscuous & the dangers/consequences of having sex at a young age.
Say something like, "you know, when I was growing up, there were a few girls in my class that started having sex young and thought that it was cool. Unfortunatly, they were the only one's that thought what they were doing was cool, while everyone else called them names, including the guys that they slept with".
Let her know that she IS too young to be having sex with anyone. Tell her that it is unsafe and trashy and that you don't agree, but try and remain calm so she doesn't get defensive. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

talk to her. make sure she knows everything... and that it is still ok to talk to you about things. Make it known that you wish she had waiting longer and that it is illegal to have sex at such a young age.

There isnt much more you can do. Do not have a go at her thought because you will only drive her away and probably closer to the person she has 'slept with' (sorry).

This was your daughters choice and it has no reflection on your parenting skills. There is no blame to be had here, just make sure your daughter knows there is more than just pregnancy to worry about.

Answer 5

i think you should set up a girls day...take her out of school out to eat let her know she can talk to you about anything and go visit a "friend in the hospital that just had a baby"
(im sure if you go in there or call and ask to bring your daughter because she had sex and thinks its cool a new mother will be very willing to tell her stories)
maybe see if you can walk past where the babies are born listen to a mother scream in pain..and let her stand by the nursery for a while...maybe buy her a book or two on STD's and how easy they are to get and many times ppl don't know they gave them to you
you night even find someone w/ AIDS or HIV to talk to her if you call the boys and girls clubs or the YMCA

at her age the only way to let her know it wasn't right is to scare the living hell out of her! yelling or a good talking to won't work!!
good luck
stop it now b4 your a grandma!

Answer 6

It's not uncommon...I would say "these days", but if you're old enough to have a teenager, you know it was the same then. Try to be a positive parent. Discuss birth control, and have a professional tell her the whole truth about STD's and which ones are most commonly spread in your area among her age group.
And congratulations on raising a daughter that can come to you with such deeply personal things!

Answer 7

the damage is done, no going back now. what you need to focus on it education. make sure she knows about birth control and diseases. she must understand about these things. it may feel like you are condoning her behavior, you arent. you are preventing her from ending up with something that will possibly kill her.
now days the lesser of all evils is getting pregnant. sex can kill you now.

make sure she understands, it could save her life.
good luck, i do understand, i have a teen too and it scares the crap out of me to think what she is doing. all i can do is hope to god i gave her enough information to keep her safe.

also a trip to the doctor may not be a bad idea. not only to be checked out, but to have a professional, outside party explain things to her and answer questions. you will have to wait out in the waiting room. she needs to feel free to ask whatever she wants.

Answer 8

Well honn... I am a teenager and that is BAD!!!! I know you might fell you are a bad parnet but you are not she just made her own decision and that is what she wanted to do...There is nothing you can do about it now....Just talk to her tell ehr how you feel about this and make sure she knows how to protect herself from things and maybe sme birthcontrol also....That is the best thing for any parnett to do...

Answer 9

where have you been at? You obviously don't know what is going on in her life so you have to talk to her more and get to know about the things she does. Tell her about safe sex. Well actually persuade her not to do it again lol. Bu t since shes already done it you can't do much about it.

Answer 10

Be very, very cool about it. You are so lucky she told you. Invite her out to ice cream or wherever and talk about responsibilities that come along with sex.

Go to the library and check out books if necessary on how to talk about this.

Talk to her about STDs. Get some facts on herpes. Talk to her about the importance of using condoms every time and WHY. Listen to her. She probably won't agree that she might get pregnant or even an STD - or she won't realize that "getting an abortion" is not as simple as a solution as she might think it is. Talk to her about the emotions of making huge decisions like abortion or adoption. Tell her that getting STDs is a huge responsibility - that if she got herpes, she'd have to tell each partner about her condition - and one day she'd have to tell her husband. And that having a baby when you have herpes can pose certain risks to the baby. Treat her as an adult as you give her answers without getting upset.

Perhaps begin to give her more responsabilities at home. Does she get good grades? Expect her to start behaving more responsibly since she is seeing herself as an adult, making adult decisions. This is NOT punishment, but showing her what the "real world" is like.

Make sure she knows that you're not judging her, that you're giving her valuable information that she needs to know about.

Good luck, mom!

Answer 11

i no its such young age but i lost my virginity when i was 14, itold my mum by asking her to have me put on the pill, she wasnt atal happy but said for me to go on the pill would be better me doing behind her back with no contrception. i also used condons so the best thing would be to make sure she is using protection. better to be safe than sorry