Should I continue seeing my dad, when he refused to help with college?

Question

My parents are divorced and I just started college. I paid have of the expenses through scholarships, while my mom payed the rest out of loans and her pocket. My dad has not done anything to help, but he still contacts me and is nice to me. I have been told by many that I should just ignore him and remove him from my life, after what he didn't do. So what should I do?

He has never really been the best dad, due to his temper, but he has done a lot for me. He has also never really been that involved with my life that much, but I still kinda think it's cruel to just ignore him because I don't like dealing with drama like that and I should be held mostly responsible for college.

Answer 1

Is it his obligation to pay for your college? He might be your dad but he is no way responsible for your education.

Answer 2

While I understand that in the ideal world, parents would pay for college education, I never understood why people seem to think they should have to do it just because it's continued education.

My parents did what they could. But college is friggen expensive, even back 4 yrs ago when I was in school it was pricey. My parents couldn't afford it then, so how can most people afford it now?

Student loans screw you but most people can't afford books nevermind tuition and room and board so student loans is the way it ends up being. I'm still paying mine off and often wonder if I'll ever be done paying them off. But that's life....part of being an adult.

I don't think you should stop talking to your father simply because he's not paying for your tuition. I believe that while college is education, it's also a luxury to be able to attend. Most people can't afford it and most people break their backs trying to afford it.

I lived in the dorms, attended classes full time, studied all day and night, worked in the evenings as a waitress, made crap for money but did what I had to do, and college was paid for by student loans which as I said, I'm still paying off. It sucks, but it's life, part of being an adult.

Answer 3

Have you asked him to help with college? CAN he afford to help with college? I don't know what to tell you without answers to those two questions. My parents didn't help AT ALL, I am in debt up to my eyeballs with loans, but they couldn't afford to help and I never asked. It is not our parents responsibility...granted, it would be nice for them to set something up as soon as we're born, not many do that so sometimes we have to grow up and start paying our own way. It sucks but be thankful that you DID get scholarships and help from mom. Some people, like me, don't get help from anyone and we still manage to do it and we're not resentful. Take this as a lesson for when YOU have kids and put money aside from day one.

Don't ignore your father. There are so many kids who don't have moms and dads and want nothing more than to have that bond. Appreciate your father and his flaws (temper). He is part of you, it seems as though he does care and love you, and enjoy him while he's here so that you're not kicking yourself when he's gone, as so many dad's are.

Answer 4

Your fathers financial obligations towards you ended when you turned 18, you are acting very selfish & greedy, especially considering the fact that their are so many fathers who refuse to pay childsupport, college is your decision, not your fathers, while I think college is a great step in the right direction for you I also dont feel the need for you to shut your dad out of your life over finances. It,s obsurd, not to mention very childish. Someday your father will leave this world, & when the time comes you may have many regrets for not being on good terms, you will regret not being friends, & he may feel that your so selfish that he may not leave you a dime when he passes, so by not having a relationship because of financial reasons, could make for a bleek future. Just because your his son does not mean he owes you something, he raised you, he paid for your childhood, & now its your turn to grow up & be a man & pay for your way thru life.

Answer 5

Hi, Hang in there. No parent has to put you through college. If they choose to help fine but if they choose not to, fine too because you I assume are an adult. Make your own way in life. You can do it I have confidence in you. Get scholarships or loans or work your way through college. Remember this. It wont do you or your children any good to hate, Hatred only eats you up inside
Hes your father, he still contacts you. Accept it , keep the relationship and be happy. You will never regret it.

Answer 6

you are correct to be kind to your dad, perhaps he does not have funds to help with college, many parents think that once a kid is 18, they are to take care of themselves, and this is true, they should take care of themselves, but, if a parent can help, they should help at times if it's needed and if they are able to help without putting themselves in a financial bind... perhaps noone put your dad through college so he thinks you should put yourself through college... I am not condoning that your father should not help, I am just saying, perhaps this is what he believes... but, when you start making lots of money after you get a good job from all this college, don't help your dad out if he is in a financial bind, instead, try to give back to your mother, and save for your future kids and be there for them like your mother has been, be a good father...that's what you should do... =)

get yourself a part time job, if you don't have one yet... I am sure there is time for that, and you can be proud of yourself for putting some money into college as well... =)

I hope you pay back the loans, instead of letting your mother pay them back when you graduate...

good luck! =)

Answer 7

How old are you? I'm 23 years. I paid my way through college, with loans and my job. I currently have no debt, except for a $48,000 dollar truck that I owe $27,000 on - which will be paid off in 2 years... I guess you expect your parents to pay for you college because they have allowed you to walk over them and now your used to it. I have a 2 year old son, have all sorts of insurance on him, life / health as well as my own.

The reality here is, you are probably over 18, thus making you an adult, which your suppose to be independent by now. Why aren't you? Because you used to smootching off your parents... It's not their responsibility to pay for your college. I didn't 'expect' my parents to pay for my college, because I guess I was brought up differently... Not saying that you way was bad, but look what they have caused.... For your dad's own daughter to neglect him because of something you should be doing on your own? Please!

I say don't listen to the other's that have told you to keep away from your parents, because more than likely they are in the same boat as you are.... (Birds with the same feather flock together!)

Answer 8

Well, let's see - you want to abandon your father because he didn't pay enough money for you.

Just how much does your affection cost?

Did he pay child support? If not, move on. But if HE DID:

If so, you should realize that he already supported you and your mother. Maybe even more than he needed to.

Sit down and add up just how much child support costs. And how much of it was used on YOU PERSONALLY. And not just for your mother's bills.

Your college education may have already been factored into the child support WHICH he ALREADY paid. Go back and read your parent's divorce agreement before you let your mother and your friends decide whether or not he's "paid enough money for you."

Answer 9

No you shouldn't ignore him. I mean if he still contacts you I mean that is a sign he obviously cares about you. Just because he didn't give you any money for college shouldn't effect your relationship. I mean in this lifetime you only get one set of parents. College isn't cheap today and alot of parents don't pay a cent this day and age. When trying to resolve this situation ask yourself this question. If you just stopped talking to your dad and he was to die? Would you you regret it? If the answer is yes you shouldn't stop talking to him. Life is too short not to forgive and forget I mean things could be worse.

Answer 10

It is you responsibility to pay for your own college.Us parents help our kids through regular school,but it is really up to the child to go to college. Parents want to help,but can't always help with this.So put the college thing back in your own lap and routine of your own responsibility and take care of this your self and don't expect him or them to do it for you.It is nice that your mom will help,but maybe your dad is teaching you to do it on your own by not paying for your college or even helping. Sometimes the best lesson for our children is the hard do it your self lesson. This will make you stronger and more willing to depend on yourself.

Answer 11

I agree with the advice to take the high road.

I had something similar... my father promised me my whole life that he would take care of college for me as far as I wanted to go. He stressed education. My parents got divorced when I was 18.

I put myself through undergraduate school... scholarshipped myself, worked full time and took out loans... handled it myself.
Graduated with honors and was accepted into Harvard, Princeton, and NYU for grad school...

Asked my father for the help he'd promised because I knew I couldnt' work through Grad school (too hard).... and I only qualified for partial scholarships (grad school ones are harder to get).
He said no

He said going to a small local school would make me a better person. I was furious, more for the better person comment than the rest... I've always been a goody two shoes and didn't know what else he wanted from me.

I knew the real decision was from my step-mother... it hurt. My mother tried to help but my father was the one with money.

I couldn't go... I never finished that goal... once you start working it's hard to save up that kind of money. Or to leave your life to go back to school like that.

It was hard to move on.... But I did it more for me that for my father. He is a different person since he remarried. Wants to take all kinds of credit for being a father but stopped helping (even emotionally) once the divorce went through.

I forgave him but limited access from my life, he'd just hurt me too much (this was only one of the incidents).... my conscious is clean and that helps me.
I still love him, I just lost a lot of respect.

Of course, it's not a parents job to pay for college, but why would a good parent not?

Good luck.... but I would not advise you to remove him from your life... you only get one dad and he won't be around forever....