you take the day
tahe you lost the person
you ever cared about
for that minute
you think it has
came to an ending
to your life
but if you think
about it
it's only the beging
of a new thing
that makes you
stronger than ever
2007-12-18 23:36:07 · 6 answers · asked by Jake the Great 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
The context is quite valid. Hopefully you realize Spell check exists, (no offense).
I would edit it certainly
With no disrespect meant,,,
You recall, still feeling as you did the day
the loss of the one person you truly ever cared for.
Perhaps now feeling as you've lost yourself,
in some sadness, confusion, self doubt.
Recalling those moments, you feel
some deep emotion and a sense
that not only have you lost someone,
but felt your own life ending.
With time to "think", possibly reconsider
not only the events but the reasons
you might realize it's just a beginning
of new, unrealized experience.
That may help create a stronger "You"
Once you've edited the piece to suit you, I suggest you drop YOU and craft this in the first person... "I"
Steven Wolf
2007-12-19 00:33:29 · answer #1 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's it Jake. Now you can see how strong you're becoming. You write it in your words and they seem to flow from you now. Congradulations on this one. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you.
2007-12-19 08:07:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Needs editing, too short leaves one hanging as un finished,
Try again it will work.
2007-12-19 08:06:27 · answer #3 · answered by jenny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like this one the best!! good job!! but yeah, it needs editing.
2007-12-19 15:59:20 · answer #4 · answered by Essie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like it alot. merry christmas and happy new year!
2007-12-19 08:09:45 · answer #5 · answered by ♥katie♥ 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nice:) but short and not very clear! you can do better than this:)
2007-12-19 07:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by Kinynha 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋