looking for helpful criticism on this short poem, thank you.
3 am
its 3 am and I'm still here
I've got to find a way out somehow
but its taking for ever
thought I'd be gone by now
I see things in the shadows
hear things in the air
but when I try to reach out
theres nobody there
nobody to guide me
or wait by my side
but I hear a voice in the silence
that wont let me subside
thought I'd be gone by now
but the end's nowhere near
sometimes an hour can seem like a lifetime
its 3 am and I'm still here
L.A.T.
2007-12-18 23:05:18 · 8 answers · asked by Ancalagon 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
With some finessing it could be a valid piece.
I'm a bit confused about interpreting the context. Is this sleep, death, you're waiting for, or just time you're passing?
If it was my piece, I might subsitute some other word or thought for the Human element you've included. The "voice" might not have to suggest it's that of another. This could be all internal?
Just my two cents.
Steven Wolf
2007-12-18 23:14:15 · answer #1 · answered by DIY Doc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is a good poem. Describes the hurt and the pain going in the heart and thoughts of the writer very clearly. You can make that 'wait by my side' as 'stand by my side' and 'voice in the silence that just won't subside'. Nice work. Keep going!
2007-12-18 23:19:04 · answer #2 · answered by mildew 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i will respond to this as a teacher because i often hear the sentiments expressed here by students; that is, they claim they won't live be ever be old(er). it comes as shock to most people that they, myself included, live till middle age. in fact, most people die of old age. as a matter of fact, i'm recalling the feeling myself right now that i had at 18 that i'd never marry, never have children, never live to be old. it reminds me of what a friend of mine said once. old chuck claimed he intended to drink ten to fifteen beers a day but then life came along and f***ed his plans. anyway...
hang in there, man. you wrote a good poem. remember aragorn's words at the battle of helm's deep. with dawn comes hope. o, and keep writing.
http://www.odysseusepicmythhero.com.
2007-12-19 03:51:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's not a poem that's a rap ask D-block for a contract.
What country are you from you look Asian then you look Greek other times you look Moroccan.
2007-12-21 01:02:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it! :) has balance, has message, has spirit and rhymes too:) it's gentle in the expression:)
Go ahead!
2007-12-18 23:52:24 · answer #5 · answered by Kinynha 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow i like this poem alot , i would love to see more from you.
2007-12-18 23:23:07 · answer #6 · answered by F34D0RA 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thats heavy dude.. and i'm not even smoking haha
2007-12-19 00:09:19 · answer #7 · answered by ♥lois c♥ ☺♥♥♥☺ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
definitly publish it man
2007-12-18 23:14:07 · answer #8 · answered by Hot Glue 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋