Girl in work makes me feel like crap and unattractive?

Question

work with a girl whos in her early 20s and she is skinny and very attractive and knows it. She overtly flirts with every guy who comes to the counter in my office with queries and literally runs up every time a guy comes in. I was ok but shes started doing it with guys i know and i feel threatened by it. As the one shes only started doing it since she saw us go ot lunch. He isnt particularly good looking but she cant bear any other woman to talk to him when he comes down. She is quite shallow as she says she only date good looking guys but i just get the impression she is looking down on me. As she always makes snidy remarks when i dress nice. Ever since she saw me with my male friend everytime he comes into my department she makes sure shes the first person he speaks ot and no one else and i feel i cant talk to him as she isolates u from the conversation. What do i do as when i do try talking to him she finds a way to turn it round to her again makes me feel like crap

Answer 1

1) You may perceive her as skinny and attractive, I like to think that all men aren't that shallow, and just because she's beautiful on the outside doesn't mean she's beautiful on the inside, which is more important

2) DON'T feel threatened by this girl. What I tend to find is that people who are overly confident are compensating for deep-seated insecurities.

3) She obviously needs male attention to feel validated. She seems to thrive on it. What does that say about her, if she so desperately needs male attention to feel important?

4) If this guy is your friend, then of course he won't let himself be isolated from you. She is obviously a trouble maker and she wants to prise him away from you to make her feel important.

From what you've said this girl has a LOT of issues. You shouldn't let her get to you! THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS!!! As for your male friend, try and get some time alone with him, he'll realise he's missing out on some good conversation, with someone who isn't self-obsessed and shallow like her. You may find out he doesn't even like her anyway!

Good luck x

Answer 2

There's 2 things here.

First of all you have a female here who has probably been told she is beautiful from a very young age, grown up through her teens with loads of male attention and so there's no surprise she's so full of herself.

She's getting older now, the wrinkles are there from all those sunbeds, etc and starting to feel incredibly insecure, she now needs reassurance from every man in the place by flirting outragously.
She will home in on guys who have previously paid her little attention, or they've paid attention to you because it's even more of a reassurance, that she can take a guy off someone else.
By putting you down and critizising you (and others) she feels better in herself, in a way you should feel really sorry for her because your not as sad and pathetic she is.

Just imagine how terrible it must be to need constant attention, to need be found attractive to such an extent you must throw yourself at guys while putting your workmates and friends down.

Guys (on the whole) are not stupid, they see girls like this as nothing more that either eye candy or someone they want to shag.
This 'full of herself, flirty, attracts loads of male attention' is not the type of girl we want to have a relationship with because the chew and hassle from other guys, her being hard work and demanding, etc is not worth it.
So keep that in mind, most guys will see her as something they want to bang all over but only for a few nights, any longer than that and there's just no way they would want to be with her.
(they'll also want to wear 3 condoms at the same time too)


Secondly this is just as much about you insecurities and low confidence, you need to distance yourself from her as much as possible and sort yourself out.
Find what in yourself makes you feel good, when you wear that new dress make sure you have the make-up done, the nails, the shoes, and go in there feeling so confident that there's nothing she could say that will make a difference, you KNOW you look good.

I wouldn't take anything she says personally, she will be doing exactly the same thing to many other people, he family, her friends on nights out and to every other female the second a guy is nearby.

What a very sad individual.

Answer 3

If you got to know her a little better, you might find that she has some deep-seated issues. This attention-grabbing could be a cry for help. She is trying to fill some void in her life. I would try to be nice, but also have clear boundaries and be assertive when it comes to those boundaries. Try to understand her, and help her if you can. It's probably something you're not qualified to deal with though, and you'll just have to cope as best as you can.

Also, try to figure out what your personality type is, and what hers might be. I'm an INTP, and I know from experience, and from what what I've read online, that I do not get along with ESFP's. I also have trouble with INTJ's for some reason. But anyway, this girl may just be an extreme extrovert and may come from a cultural background that is very different from yours. There are thousands of micro-cultures in this country, and you may not have been exposed to hers yet, thus making you feel violated. I've met girls who are very friendly with random guys. It was very difficult to get used to at first, because where I'm from, the way she was behaving was overtly flirtatious. Where she was from, guys would not consider it flirtatious, but just friendly. So, that's another possibility.

Or, she could just be a self-centered unholy brat who needs a good spanking. In that case, you would just need to play the motherly role, and get a good "stick," metaphorically speaking of course, to spank her with. ;)

Answer 4

In order for you both to get over it and move on from this quite small problem you need to both sit down and have a serious chat. Tell him how you really feel (obviously he doesn't know things like that bother you or if you did tell him he didn't take you seriously). Let him know that it really upset you and if he could avoid doing those types of things around you that would really help. If he is a good guy he will listen and respect your request and if not he doesn't deserve you and isn't right for you anyway. He also won't be mad at you if you just let him know what is going on and that it really got to you.

Answer 5

She's being ridiculous. You could just stand back and let her get on with it. Sooner or later she'll mess up. Don't get bitter about her behaviour, you will only lose out by appearing sullen and grouchy.

Any guy likes to be flirted with. If you can't or don't want to get into the conversation she's dominating, try to make discreet eye-contact with the guy you like and give him the "here she goes again" look. If he has any depth of character he won't be completely taken in by her, even if he plays along with her.

She's obviously outgoing and you're not so. Be yourself, but don't be pushed into the shadows by her. If she's impolite, point it out (politely).

She shouldn't be making personal remarks about your dress style, if its not a nice or helpful comment then its inappropriate and unnecessary, so you are quite within your right to say so. She has no right to make you feel like she does , but she carries on because she can and its working! Don't let her succeed in walking all over you.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Simple, laugh (loudly), shrug and walk away when she asks what you're laughing at tell her 'you're so funny, why are you so insecure that you think you must stop every other female talking to the men in here?'. You think she is really confidant but to me she is the most insecure one working there. Even if she doesn't ask what you're laughing at she will eventually get the message that she isn't impressing anyone. I'm sure the men are sick of it too, trust me I've worked with women like that and they are too pushy for most men.
Don't let this put you down, enjoy the holidays and pity her, she is a very insecure person.

Answer 7

Don't allow her to even open her mouth. Before she gets a chance to say anything, just say "this is a private conversation" or "My friend wants to talk to ME about a personal matter, so do you mind going away". When your friends come in you are entitled to speak to them alone without this attention seeking brat interupting. You have to be strong and ignore all her remarks about what you are wearing etc., just say "It is just as well I bought this outfit for me then isn't it" or look at her from head to toe and say "Well each to their own as they say". Do not allow anyone to make you feel inferior she is the one with the problem if she needs so much attention. When she next says that she only goes out with "Good looking blokes", say something like "Really? and do they do the asking?" Go for it.

Answer 8

Don't worry about it. The girl is a useful person to have around really. If a guy does go for her then he is probably shallow seeing as she sounds pretty easy to sus out. If the guy you like does choose her instead of you then he isn't the guy for you anyway. Men are pretty easily led but we aren't completely stupid when it comes to the opposite sex. We follow the people that we like rather than the ones who flirt the most or are skinny. You don't seem to give yourself or us men enough credit.

Answer 9

Listen mate, if you have a life outside work then you would not be bothered about small minded people in the office. Its obvious a cry for attention on her part coz if she feels she has to flirt with every guy then there is an issue on her part.

Don't pay her too much attention and you will be happier.

Answer 10

It sounds like she's the one with the problem. Don't worry, guys can figure out chicks like that, and the only type she will truly attract are the shallow ones.
Just keep a pleasant disposition and the decent guys will soon learn to come to you for real issues.