Lonely and divorced-don't answer if not been divorced?

Question

I am a 32 year old mother of 3. I was married to a man that really truely destroyed my selfesteem. I had gained weight during our marriage and he continued to belittle me and honestly still tries.

Now divorced 3 years, I am yet to find a man to love since. I often wonder if I will ever find love again and I am so scared that if I do he will be like my husband was. I have dated men but I can't seem to find 'the one'.

Everytime I date someone and I see any red flag my feelings just turn off... like a light. I can't even see past and litterally get irritated by them if I try to look past it. I can't stand that I am judging people but I want to be happy.

How do I get past my fears and my insecurities to find love and happiness again? Will I be like this forever? Is there any man out there that will see past my plus size and see my heart? I know I have to be happy with myself 1st but I don't think that will

we were married for 6 years. together for a total of 7.5.

Don't get me wrong, I go out with friends, get to know people and date a bit. I am not "looking" but i am not avoiding...

Answer 1

Honey, don't rush it. Part of you, I suspect, feels like your ...how do I put this? Your "warranty" is reaching its term and soon will expire. I know this from experience. There's something about a woman who is divorced (especially with kids) that makes us feel like we need to hurry up and find the next one before we are no longer viable goods.

I imagine part of what we feel has to do with the self-esteem (or lack of it) we are left with after a breakup (and you are certainly not alone). Bottom line though, you are WORTH the time. Repeat that to yourself. You have no expiration date either.

So first thing, there's no rush to find a new man. Second thing, there's no shame in being alone either. I've seen some knock out women be self-possessed enough to not want a man in their lives.

Right now, you are still reeling and sore. You are obviously not healed up yet. If you're not healed, you can't love properly. My advice is take time doing what makes YOU happy. Forget men if that's what it takes. At least for a while, anyway.

Third. Do things which improve YOUR life. Lose weight, exercise, whatever. Do things that make you feel good, about you. Once you come to terms with yourself, love will find a way. I promise you that. But make peace with yourself first.

Another thing about divorce is that, without even being aware, and even though logically we might know better, we lay a lot of the blame on ourselves. So another order of business would be for you to reassess how everything went down, and objectively analyze it (and I'm sure you will see you aren't nearly as much at fault as you thought.)

Finally, there's also no shame in seeking counseling.

Love will happen when it's time. For now, let's concentrate on getting YOU better.

Be blessed.

Answer 2

how long were you married?
it took that long to wear you down you wont bounce back overnight
I also think you are trying too hard, you think finding the one, will be like a magic wand and solve all your problems, it wont.
you have to love yourself before someone else will, all the negative vibes you are no doubt giving off are a bit of a downer, but what you dont realize is-you are entitled to you time, entitled to be loved, entitled to enjoy life. your ex has brought you down to such an extent that you believe all he told you.
he is your ex for a reason, you have 3 children, and you, and they are entitled to a happy life, size doesnt matter, women come in all varieties, any man worth his salt sees past that immediately, you need to chill, relax, and take it easy, your fears are born from your ex, these will abate in time, and, the right guy will come along, when you least expect it

**edit i still think that your confidence & self esteem are at an all time low, and no wonder after all that you have been through, none of us come out a divorce truly happy with who we are, but it takes time to not feel a certain amount of failure, although we KNOW its not out fault, divorce is traumatic, even when you desperately want out and know its the right thing, but there will come a time when you no longer feel this way, for some it takes longer than others, but it will come, you wont feel miraculously wonderful one day, but things will get easier, i too have 3 children so i can relate in some respects, though not all, all i do know is, that one way or another, we all come through this, and out the other side, life is very different now, and yours will be too, hang on in there, tomorrow is always another day and who knows what it will bring you, good luck

Answer 3

To put it simply, you can't be happy with anyone else until you're happy with yourself first.
I was single for over 5 yrs between marriages. Put what is important first, your children. I did and everything else fell into place (over time). And believe me, I sure wasn't in any hurry to get involved again. Concentrate on your family and work on your self-esteem. Take up a hobby and do what YOU want to do. Don't rush things. If your body is a problem, go to the gym. Don't expect quick results. The effort will be grueling but the pay off will be wonderful. Inside you KNOW what you need to do. Now all you have to do is 'do it.' And don't make excuses as to why you CAN'T do something. Take control for once in your life.

Answer 4

Stop looking for love. You will never find it if that is your goal in every relationship. Date men to find a friend and/or companion. Find people with like interests and do things that you both like to do. Spending this kind of time with friends of the oposite sex will both improve your overall sense of well being and your self esteem. If love develops out of one of these friendships, it is genuine and you wil know that the person loves you for who you are. You may also ned some conseling to help you get past your trust issues.

Answer 5

well kuddos to you for getting out there again that is the hardest step . I have been married twice and I got divorced both times and am now married again . I love this husband more than life itself . He is nothing like the first two . you have to just keep looking because I do believe there is someone out there for everybody. so you just have to keep looking and praying that god will send you someone that can love you for you . Good luck and god bless.

Answer 6

Trust me lady there is lot to life than just hate and fear.

One fine day everything will be okay.