my wife wants breast implants, cause she has small breasts?

Question

She has major self-love issues because of it and it is affecting our relationship because of it. Its costs alot of money but we can afford it. Im against it due to the fact that I feel we are all made the way we are and must accept it, she is not disfigured in any way and she has a lovely body.

Is it fair on her to not be supportive, or have I a right to totally not like it and pressure her out of doing it?

Answer 1

That's tough because you cannot make a person love themselves. To you she has a lovely body and your opinion ought to count for something. You love her just the way that she is or you wouldn't have married her in the first place.

Most reputable plastic surgeons will have their patients go to at least one or two sessions with a therapist to rule out having surgery for the wrong reason. This would be a good step in the right direction for her because it sounds like she needs to do some working on her self image.

About all you can do is try to convince her that you love her the way that she is and that changing the size of her breasts will not make you love her more. However, a huge financial strain will cause problems in the marriage.

I am all for women trying to look the best that they can but I have seen too many women who have had this operation turn around and start obsessing about some other part of their body.

One point that has not been mentioned is the fact that this is major surgery and there are many risks involved not only with the actual operation but the long term effects such as nerve damage, back pain and the inability to identify problems such as breast cancer by mammogram can be devastating.

I appreciate the fact that you not only love your wife the way that God made her but that you care enough about her to see beyond her body. Good luck.

Answer 2

I think there is a difference between being shallow or vain and just not being able to feel good about yourself. You wife's case is a little different than the average breast augmentation because in her mind she's not doing to get bigger breasts, just breasts. This is something that impacts her on a very mental level, and causes her quite a bit of pain. I understand that to she's beautiful, but she might never feel that way herself. Really, you're asking her to accept something that she find unacceptable. I feel that as a couple you should at least go to an initial consultation. This doesn't mean she has to get the surgery, this just gives you more information. It would explain everything in more detail and possibly ease some of your fears. Also, for all you know maybe there are other, less-invasive options that would allow her to feel better about herself.

Answer 3

She should realize that implants don't look natural, no matter how well performed the surgery is. Also, if it is an under the chest muscle procedure, it means tearing the muscle away from the chest wall and causing a huge gap down the middle, which makes it impossible to create any cleavage. Another thing to consider is that when a woman gets implants, she is signing herself up for a lifetime of surgical procedures because implants have to be replaced periodically and also to fix other potential complications such as shifting and encapsulation. I personally don't understand why some women want large breasts. Not only do large breasts make women look heavier but there are also other problems with having them such as back pain, bra straps digging into the shoulders, not being able to find tops that fit properly, and being unable to find large cup sizes unless they're for fat women. Try wearing a strapless top when you have large breasts. It won't stay up. As soon as you move, the top starts rolling or sliding down. It's annoying to constantly have to pull it up and to tuck the breasts back in.

Answer 4

You should be supportive of her wishes. I totally understand how she feels!! I was in the same boat as her, a nice body except very small on top and I never felt like a complete woman. Then my husband bought me implants when we were dating. He said it didn't matter to him but he knew how much it mattered to me. I used to come home from Victoria's Secret's crying... I thought about how bad I wanted breasts every single day. Well now we're married and it's been 2 years since my surgery and it was THE BEST INVESTMENT HE EVER MADE!!! Even HE admits it now!!! (And he wasn't that into the surgery - he did it for me) HE gets a lot of the benefits because I feel SO happy and confident about my body!!! Guess what that translates into for a man....??? You won't be sorry.

In response to what Kelly M towards the bottom wrote, I went to multiple consultations and have never heard of a plastic surgeon requiring an adult to go to a therapist to make sure she's doing it for the "right" reasons. That would be very insulting & condescending, as if women don't have a brain! Also most women have no further problems or surgeries. I went from an A to DD (I am 6 ft tall and thin) and they look great and natural. The size will depend on her height & build. They don't make me look heavy! They make me look like I've finally filled out. My only regret was not doing it years earlier. I have never obsessed over any other part of my body afterwards like Kelly M claimed. I've been very happy with my body since I got implants. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

This can mean EVERYTHING to a woman. You have to realize this isn't about you. It's about her body image of herself and what she wants to do to feel confident and feminine. Also, it's not $8K - it's between $5-$6K. You or her can email me if you have any questions.

Answer 5

Honestly I think that you need to think solely about how your wife is feeling. Think about it: Would larger breasts really make her happy? When you say "Self-love issues?" do you mean she isn't happy with herself? Why doesn't she like herself? is it solely because of her body? Maybe she is depressed. Does it run in her family? She should most definitely talk to her doctor first and then maybe a psychologist/psychiatrist because a negative view of one's self is very unhealthy, and that could lead to behavior that she would seek to boost her own confidence. If you two determine she just wants bigger breasts just to have bigger breasts, then go for it, but I would answer the question as to why she is unhappy before you do anything substantial. Good luck I hope it all ends well, I've been through this with 2 girlfriends so I know that you are worried and maybe confused, but sometimes people need help from an outside source =)

Answer 6

it is not wrong for you to express how you feel to the fullest extent but if she is set on doing it, youre probably gonna lose the fight. If she does end up doing it, just except it. Whats done will be done, and be supportive of her because from what i've heard, after the surgery she wouldnt need the support of you but it would help a great deal, during the painful recovery process.

My fiance is also highly against implants. Not that i would get them, but knowing how he feels about them and that he likes my body for the way it is, i appreciate him and will respect his feelings. Maybe your wife should be more considerate of how you feel but at the same time, yousaid yourself she has self love issues and mayfeel insecure with herself and if the implants help then so be it. Just hope she doesnt go over board with in.

Answer 7

My wife has them... she got them before we met. But I think you have a right to your opinion, of course, but it's unfair to tell you wife she must accept it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy with the way we look and no one--not even a person's spouse--can understand how a person feels if they are not happy with their appearance. I've had cosmetic surgery myself. And no matter how much people around me would have said, "You look fine!", it didn't matter. I wanted to look and feel good about how I looked. And since there are relatively safe ways to achieve that end, there's no reason why your wife shouldn't go for it. There's little you MUST accept. That's the attitude of the defeatist. Support your wife by telling her you love her the way she is, but you will also support her decision to enhance her body should she so choose. Stop pressuring her... SUPPORT HER!

Answer 8

Well you kinda have to accept if unless you divorce her. It's her body and you can't really stop her. However I know a lot of couples where the wife got implants (several of the husbands were skeptical) and they love it. Just don't let her go from a AA to a DD or anything. Going up one or two cup sizes is fine though. They look and feel more natural.

Answer 9

eh, i understand how that's a tough one. i agree that in a perfect world everyone would accept who they are and feel good about themselves for who and what they are. we aren't though in the 'must accept it' age anymore re physical traits .. hell, it's not even that long ago that was the case.

i think you can fairly express extremely strongly that you love everything about her exactly how she is .. and it sounds a lot like you've already done this strongly. if she really wants this for herself though, and not for you or anyone else, i have to say let her do it.

maybe work out a compromise? get her to put if off for 6 months and really weigh things out with her? if this is something that's been stewing for a couple of years, that's out the window and let her go. if it's something more on the sudden side, it's maybe a topic you can both discuss more fully while putting it off for say, 4 or 6 mo to be very very sure. again, it's about her and how strongly she feels about it - that's the only real barometer. as long as it is thoroughly thought out. it could be that this is something that's mentally dragged her for a long time.

Answer 10

You have no idea how this is affecting her. Living the life of a woman who has been taunted for as long as i can remember about my breasts not being as big as they should be has left me a little bitter. I wish i would have done something when I was younger. I believe we should do whatever can make us happy as long as it is in our power. This is one of my regrets not doing anything , it is not your decision , it is her body and she has the right and if you love her you should tell her , you love her the way she is but you will support her decision. Good Luck