would you stay with your husband...?

Question

if he cheated on you after you had your children and after you were married, and because of him cheating he produced another child.but you only find out 11 years later.

Answer 1

how did you find out about this other child? did he offer up this information because his conscience was bothering him and he just had to get it off his chest? or did someone else alert you to this other child. it depends. it has a lot to say about the lever of trust you have or lack thereof. has he been supporting this child and does he have a relationship with the child and the childs' mother? more important, how has your relationship been with him as of late? have you been having problems in your marriage? or have things been good? do you want to stay married to him or is there something you want to do in your life that doesn't include him? was he really repentant about what occurred in the past? you have to ask these and a host of other questions to determine what your answer will ultimately be as to whether you will stay in this relationship. if he has a pattern on cheating on you and chances are this is just the first time he got caught, you are really going to have to do some soul searching. everybody can make a mistake, it's how they handle it and if they really put forth the effort to clean up the things that got them there in the first place. it's about what you will or will not put up with. it's a decision you will have to deal with, you and your children. i wish you all the best

Answer 2

Some people believe that the only Biblical reason for Divorce is adultery. If they would read more carefully they would realize that it is, "Because of the hardness of your hearts". The inability to forgive the way God does who says, "I will toss it as far as the east is to the west and remember it no more". I would focus on his child. Does the child get what he or she needs. Is he in a nurturing home. The child is part of your husband so do you love him enough to love the child? Sometimes the way a child is conceived is not right, but, once the child is there..the child is right and innocent. Did your husband just find out about this child or has he been keeping it a secret all these years and continued seeing the child's mother? Don't go by what other people say, go by God's guidance and your heart. Father in heaven, please be with Mimi in this trying time. Give her wisdom and help her to see how much she will go up in her husbands eyes if he is forgiven. So many in scriptures fell victim to disobedience, help people to learn from their mistakes and most of all Father, help all of us be over-comers of our weakness and help us to be a blessing to one another each day. In Jesus name......

† Heaven Bound Prayer Warrior †

Answer 3

First and foremost, please understand that I am telling you what I would do, not what YOU should do...........

The husband was unfaithful. The fact that you had children together has nothing to do with it. Neither does the fact that the indiscretion or affair produced another child. He cheated!
He broke his vows.......he lied......he betrayed your trust........your anger is justified..............BE MAD! Wallow in your anger............for a while.

Has the man, otherwise been a good husband, a good father? Does he continue to offer anything positive to your life? Can the trust be restored? Does he even wish it to be? Did he spend 11 years in fear that you would learn of his betrayal? How has he treated the child born of this "affair"?
Is your husband truly sorry that he hurt you, or only that he was found out after so many years?

You must ask yourself these and other questions. You must be truthful to yourself..............I am not involved, neither is your mom, best friend, boss or coworker..........

I learned two HARD lessons very young in life..........
even a just man can fall
I too, am capable of atrocious things

While I do not advise any woman to remain married to a "skirt chasing" man, who risks bringing disease into his marriage and has not thought or consideration or respect for his marital vows..............

I deem my husband forgiveable.........once

Answer 4

It all depends on where the husband is today. Is he cheating today? Is he very apologetic? True repentence. Never going to do it again. He needs to know why he did this in the first place. Otherwise it will happen again.

Personally, I think he has been doing it since this first other child. But probably made sure he used a condom. So? Maybe it is best to just divorse. But make sure you test your husband thoroughly. To find out where his heart is today. If he has truly repented & hasn't continued in this act of adultery, then stay with him. But if he has continued in adultery, then you are at risk for STDs too.

Answer 5

Mimi, I truly do not think anyone but, you can answer this question. Not unless they have experienced a very close situation to yours!

Fact is, he cheated and he lied because he did not trust your love enough to be honest. Perhaps, he did not say anything because he does NOT want to lose you? We all make mistakes but, some pay a higher price for these mistakes too!

If it were me, I would be asking God for direction. I would be pouring out my heart for answers, through prayer. Man can only give you suggestions but, God can give you a solution! Therefore, know that I am praying for your family and this situation. I am also praying for the child whose daddy has another family! I think this is a very sad thing too. However, I know that God can take wrongs and turn them into rights! This is my hope for all!

God's will be done,
gail

Answer 6

Well my first was unfaithful, and it ruined our marriage and she ended up leaving me. I did try to make it work, but she had trouble with the fact that I let the incident go rather then react emotionally and hold it over her. She thought I should have reacted differently and thus she lost respect for me. Funny how things work out, huh?

Anyway, if my current wife cheated on me I would forgive her, as I should, and make a double effort to resolve the situation.

Answer 7

Really tough situation. What was his reason for never telling you about infidelities? Is he still seeing her? Was he ever a father to the other child? What does he see for the future? Did he tell you or did you find out by accident?
Hate to say this but: Counseling is in your family's future. Your children have a sibling they don't even know. I have a half-brother I didn't know about until I was 23, he was 26. Wish I had known him as a child. Don't put yourself in the position of being blamed later because your children don't know their sibling. I blame both my parents for not being honest and letting me know my brother.
As for your husband, he has a lot of explaining to do so you can make decisions for yourself, come to grips with reality, and decide to forgive or not. Hope he understands the error of his ways.....

Answer 8

First of all you have been married to this man for 11 years and you just found out that he has another child by someone else, I dont see the point in you leaving him now, If he didnt love you he wouldnt be with you, Leave the past in the past and go on with your fucture and pray that god will heal your broken heart.

best of luck

Answer 9

i don't think you can answer that question solely on those facts. what is the relationship like now? do you feel that you will be able to build the trust back? how is the husband acting about the situation? is he remorseful? Marriage is hard and its a lifelong commitment. people give up to easily. i admit i would have a heck of time getting over infidelity, but you have to try. has he been unfaithful over the last eleven years? is it a chronic thing or is it in the past? do you love him? and you have to think of your children. divorce can shatter them. but so can parents who don't love each other and who fight all the time. if you are religious, then you have to think about what God says about divorce. I dunno. this isn't an easy question, not something that should be left up to strangers on yahoo just looking to earn points. don't make any rash decisions, think on it. talk to your husband....be brutally honest and see how he responds, but try not to be cruel. don't try to hurt him like he hurt you, just spill your guts. and let him spill his. sometimes, and its probably rare, but sometimes something like this can actually bring two people closer because it finally gets them to open up to each other. well, you are in my prayers.

Answer 10

Absolutely NOT. Trust would be gone. He also kept the child a secret for 11 years. He is not worth the time and effort to deal with.