Why do people feel the need to say you have to be married to have a baby??

Question

It really erks me, I'm engaged and pregnant and that's fine by me. Just because ones not married does not mean that couples are not commited to each other like married people are. Come on people it's the 21st century here, we are not living in the 1950's any more. It's not the worst thing in the world so why do people make such a big deal out of it?

To all who know what I'm talking about I gave all of you thumbs up and wish I could pick all of you for best answer. For those of you who disagree, please realize we are almost in the year 2008. WAKE UP!

I didn't harass anyone, what you said to me can be directed right back to you exaclty word for word. Think about it.

Answer 1

When people are brought up with certain beliefs and morals that they apply to their lives, they believe everyone else on the planet should be held to those same moral standards. Which is ridiculous.

Obviously marriage means very little in terms of predicting long-term relationship stability, as evidenced by the US's 50% divorce rate. And since history has provided many example of fine families who are not legally binded by marriage yet remain committed, we can see that these stereotypes mean nothing.

I have been with my "pseudo-hubby" for the last 13 years and are raising our two children and my daughter from my previous marriage. We are just as committed to one another and our family as any other couple. I don't see how people can make the association that having a nice little party in a fancy dress and a minister / judge signing off on a piece of paper demonstrates as great of a commitment as actually LIVING the life together and demonstrating that commitment on a daily basis through direct actions rather than that 20 minutes worth of symbolic actions that make up a wedding ceremony.

People who don't get it never will. People who want to use marriage as a superiority trip over other couples and parents will continue to do so til the end of time.

So I just ignore their willful ignorance.

Answer 2

Because it feels a lot more stable to some. I had to be married before I had my baby. It just felt right. Everyone has their opinions.

People make a big deal about it because we all want children to be raised in the right situations. And marriage provides a lot (financially, supportively, etc.) Don't down those who support this idea. A lot of the people having babies unwed are also very young or are expecting someone to be there to help care for a child when they often times do not. There are a lot of things tied into this. You're engaged, which means you too will be married. There's a support system in place when you do it this way. And what better way to bring your baby into the world!

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

People feel that marriage is the best enviornment to raise kids in. It comes from how they were raised. I, for example, was raised learning that I get married and then have kids and I'm sticking to that plan because it is the best thing for me. I don't judge when other people have kids, though. My friend is 3 months pregnant (she was on birth control) and she's not engaged. I don't think any differently of her than I did before but I know she is going to have a much harder time (she already is) than if she would have been 10 years older and had been married for a few years.
My parents divorced when I was ten and I think that has set my mind even more to waiting longer to get married, then having sex, then having kids. I do not want my children to have to deal with the consequences of the mistakes I made. My parents were young when they got married so it was much harder for them. I want to be able to look back on my life when I'm old and see that my kids were raised in a happy home with both parents always there for them.

Now, of course, I'm not saying you can't have that if you aren't married or engaged when you have a baby. Your kids might end up better than mine. That's fine. It is my religion and how I was raised that makes me want to be married. I agree with you that it is very wrong when people look down on you for not being married. They are in no position to judge.

Congrats on you baby!

Answer 4

i totally agree with you...i had my first two children outside of marriage. we got married when our second child was 1 1/2 and now we are having our third. people are very judgemental about this kind of thing and I don't understand why. you don't have to be married to be in a loving, committed relationship with someone. just because you aren't married, doens't mean that your children won't have a mommy and a daddy... doesn't anyone pay attention to the divorce rate these days?? being married doesn't guarantee anything. so frustrating, isn't it? you just have to hold your head high and know that you are doing what is best for your little family. don't let what other people say bother you (even though it's hard sometimes).

Answer 5

somewhat i do no longer think marriage as something to do with being good loving father and mom! i think of if a pair needs to get married through fact they love one yet another then it somewhat is stunning, yet whilst somebody became into merely doing it for slightly one then that isn't a good suggestion.... My fiance and that i were speaking approximately marriage for a pair years yet desperate to attend till we are in a position to make it the acceptable day we needed, we've been given a ask your self being pregnant those days and that i don't experience we would desire to be married every time quickly. we can get married as quickly as we are the two waiting, no longer merely for the sake of asserting that we are married! good luck and congratulations of the toddler and getting married it seems such as you're getting married for the superb motives!

Answer 6

I think people should be more concerned about teenage pregnancy then someone not married while pregnant or has kids.

I have been married for almost 3 years but we have been together for almost 13 years. No i was not married when i had my son. I did not feel the need to get married just because i was pregnant or had a baby.

We had been together for 6 years before we had our son then we got married when our son was 4 years old. We already felt like we were married before we filed for a marriage license. Nothing changed when we got married , no wait a piece of paper and a ring and now i can sign things for my husband.
We have been commited to each other for 13 years. We were committed to one another before marriage and we still would be if we weren't.

I don't think it is a big deal about the whole marriage thing anymore but i do think the teenage pregnancy is. I mean how can you be so lazy to not go to the health department and get FREE birth control?

Answer 7

I think it's important for a child to have, whenever possible, two parents who are committed to each other for life. That said, marriage doesn't guarantee that both mom and dad will be happily wed when their kiddo graduates from high school, so I tend to agree with you.

Social change is very difficult for many people to accept. Some have strongly held religious beliefs against premarital sex, so they're not disapproving of the pregnancy as much as what it indicates. Others are simply longing for the "good ol' days" - though, of course, those days were not so uniformly good as some might wish to believe.

Answer 8

it may be the 21st. century , but in my house and community it's still and will always be the 1950's....

don't get me wrong...i have no problem with unwed commited partners...but think of the child, growing up as a child out of wedlock even if his or her parents are around and all-loving.. fairly or not, society stigmatises that sort of thing..i would think about the child's well-being here before the selfishness of the parents who decide not to marry...besides, what about the stability facttor that parents are supposed to provide to their children..

just because adults have a certain line of thinking doesn't mean that they have the right to have a social experiment !!! b4 social architects engage in their model-designing, they need to realize that the flip side of free will and freedpm of lifestyle is accountability and responsability..
have they thpught about the child not as a child but also as a grown adult and what the status of being born out of wedlock will mean to him or her throughout their life???

Answer 9

I am one who says you should wait to have a baby until you're married simply because we are talking on line here. I don't know who is asking some of these questions, and it may be a young girl with a boyfriend and they aren't really committed. Or maybe she's committed and he's not etc... I don't want to mislead anyone and make them think that having babies is just some fly by night decision. I think you and your fiance have every right to have a baby and it's okay for you two. You're committed to one another, and are willing to sacrifice to raise up a child. You're already married in your hearts.

Answer 10

Mostly it's for religious reasons or old fashioned.
It's important for the child to have a constant mother and father figure in their lives. Even if the couple never gets married, and both parents are active in the child's life, I don't see a problem.
When the parents are married and miserable, and fighting, the child sees that and it makes the situation worse. People should be more concerned that everyone gets along and is happy - whether married or not.