Do you let others control your mood. I was in a really good mood today, but then I called my husband?

Question

and we had an argument & now my good mood is destroyed! I keep telling myself not to let it bother me because the argument was stupid anyway. He was supposed to go to my sisters house to put a stain on her floor after work, but he stopped by the bar to have a few drinks first because he got his xmas bonus today. Well she called me to see if he was still coming, so I called him on his cell phone to ask him that & to see if he wanted to go to my oldest sons house for dinner & he went off on me about keeping track of his every minute & that he has the right to stop and have a beer or 2 if he wants. I didn't even mention that when I called him?! I don't know what his problem is, but it made me sooooo grouchy that I hollared at him to "Calm the f*** down" on the phone & my 7 year old over heard me say that & started crying. Now I feel like an as*! My good mood is ruined! :(

Glo, he volunteered to do the floors for my sister & made $300 doing it. I had no problem w/ him having a couple beers at the bar first.....

Answer 1

BigM,
your mood was ruined, there is no need to ask it here. I am sorry to read that this occurred and that your 7 year old over heard the conversation.

Sounds to me like your husband has the "problem" here, he was expected at another location and merely should have kept his word. You were just doing what any good sister would do and follow up. Next time (and there will be) take a deep breath after your husband gives you an "earful" of woe. Then, YOU be the responsible one and just say OK, then hang up.

I hope you and the kids have a good Christmas and that he remembers that the bonus has responsibilities attached.

Your friend,
Gerry

Answer 2

It could be he was feeling a little guilty for stopping at the bar for one reason or another and that is why he got so cranky when you called him. I understand that you weren't calling to keep tabs on him but were just checking he was still going so you could tell your sister. I have this issue with my hubbie sometimes. He often has to drive a long distance to drop his daughter off at the airport for the contact visits with his ex wife and I just ask that he calls me and lets me know he gets there safely. He used to think that this was a controlling exercise but I just wanted to know he was safe. Sometimes if I have asked him to get something for dinner and he is running a bit late I might call and ask him for an estimated time of arrival so I know when to start dinner or how to proceed and he can get a little agro about it. I feel it is unreasonable but often I just take a few minutes to myself (as it can tend to ruin my day also when I have only the best of intentions) and sit quietly and imagine a calm place. I take some deep breaths and I try to imagine or remember something that is really good about him so when he walks in the door I don't fuel the fire. I give him a hug and make everything sweet and if I feel there is a need to discuss what has happened I wait until we are both feeling a lot better (sometimes it can help to wait a day or so) and gently tell him - for example in your situation -"I'm sorry that we argued the other night. I didn't mean for it to seem that I was keeping tabs on you. I only wanted to relay the information back to my sister as to whether or not you were still able to go stain the floors for her because she had called to ask if you were still going there." Most likely, he will say he is sorry that it evolved into a fight and when he realizes that you weren't really trying to keep tabs on him he will hopefully see that he over reacted.

As for your son, I would suggest sitting down with him and gently explaining that you are sorry he heard you say what you did. Try to put him in your shoes and explain that sometimes when someone is a little grouchy or cranky, doesn't he start to feel a little grouchy or cranky too? Explain that it doesn't mean that you love his Dad any less and re assure him that things will be back to normal again soon.

I think it all too easy for some people to have their mood good wrecked by someone else's actions. What you need to try and do is combat it!
Go and spend 5 or 10 minutes trying to get yourself in a good place again. Recall all the things that put you in a good mood before the call and remember to add in there something really positive about your husband. He was less that reasonable but be the one who puts out that inferno. It can be hard to be the bigger person who does that than trying to get your point across but for home harmony, sometimes it is just the way it has to get done.

Good luck and I hope you can get some of your good mood back.

Answer 3

Hi! It's nice to see you!
Sweetiepie, your husband did what everyone who feels guilty for not doing what they said they would do, does. He yelled at the first person he got a shot at. You just lucked out. He knew where he was supposed to be, and what he was supposed to be doing. AND he knew if he was THAT late, there would be an inquiry. You guys aren't newlyweds. He knows your sister. He knows you. You didn't do anything wrong. (He could have been in a ditch somewhere, waiting for someone to notice he wasn't where he was supposed to be.) Unless he's a moron, and I doubt that, he knows who's wrong here.
I AM sorry you feel bad about your seven year old. That's a shame. And I know how that feels. (Oh, boy...)
I am also certain that you soothed that away, and they are fine, now. It's just you that's upset, and that's what pisses me off! You shouldn't be the one feeling bad!
I think everyone, a lot of the times, reacts, and that means someone else is controlling your mood. It took me about a hundred years, but WE control how we feel. Someone else can DO something, but we're the ones to decide how we will feel about it.
If you REALLY want to piss him off, DON'T react with annoyance. It'll drive him nuts! This is the way he's used to fixing the blame on you, I bet....
Screw up his whole system. Don't get angry. (I don't mean don't let him know he's boo-booed,) just don't let him make you angry. I guarantee, he'll be a LOT more interested in what's up with you, than the next fight. I've done it, and it's amazing! (So is the peace of mind you'll have. No one is comfortable with that angry knot in their stomach all the time.)
Honest to God, you CAN DO IT! I have learned to do it, and I have a hair-trigger-temper, that makes the biggest loon in any room look sane, by comparison.
Oh. And, just so you know... I think your husband is a lucky, lucky man! He should only have the brains to know it! }:>

edit: Sawman is right... if he wasn't going to be there, or be on time, HE could have headed the whole thing off with a phone call. TO YOUR SISTER! Geez. If it is always about HIM... maybe a whole LOT of nonchalance from you will at least make him wary...
*smirk* ;)

Answer 4

Well after the dust has settled and you both have time to reflect it will seem kind of silly. Your hubby might want to remember that cell phones can make calls as well as receive calls, Hi Hun it's me I'm stopping off for a couple of beers before I go work on the floor! I hope you two kiss and make up because in the grand scheme of things it's not worth making a big deal out of :)

Answer 5

I read the two responders prior to mine. I think they missed the point at least I believe they did, you were questioning why or how someone else can affect our own mood.
That is quite easy actually. We are human and when we have a fight, especially with our spouse/lover/significant other, we internalize those feelings. We dwell on the negativity that came out of the interaction and many times have a tendency to blame ourselves. This will then cancel out the good endorphins in our bodies and between the negative self-talk and the depleted endorphins our mood changes drastically.
The same thing occurs when our boss chastizes us, when we have to deal with a really rude customer, whatever the situation. When there are negative vibs involved if allowed it can drastically affect our mood.
What is important is 1- how long we allow our mood to be affected. 2- what we do to get out of the bad mood 3- how long you hold the grudge and allow it to fester 4- how well you make up after the fight.
Think of good things/happy things and turn your love and attention to the kids, that should help bring you out of a bad mood quicker.

Answer 6

Oh god we are alike. My hubby started working Saturdays to earn a little extra money with our 17 yr old nephew and when our nephew returned home earlier and said my hubby had left before him I was concerned. He rides a scooter type motor bike and I always worry about him. Well I called him and he said that he seen one of his mates from his other job who he sees 5 days a week and stopped for a chat and so on. Well he hit the roof at me saying that I should let him be and stop looking at my watch and checking up on him ( even though I was worried and just asked politely where he was). Well about an hour later he got home with lunch for everyone but me and was in a foul mood all afternoon. ( Why I still have no idea) ggggrrrrrr. It annoys the crap out of me sometimes how he can make me so sad or mad and he just sits there like nothing happened. I try not to let it bug me but it usually gets the better of me too. Maybe we just shouldn't bother calling them hey? At least that way they won't bark down the phone at us. :)

Answer 7

I have the same problem in that I am constantly letting the people around me decide which kind of mood I should be in all the time. Fortunately, my husband is a wonderful man who keeps me in good spirits, but my kids, parents, friends, etc, have a tendency to not stop pushing my buttons until my mood is sour to some degree. You are not alone by any means!

Answer 8

Im exceedingly lots an identical :( undesirable cases. an excellent form of the time if somebody takes a jointly as to respond, there's a good rationalization for it. Like they're working or dozing or merely forgot to respond. i assume its merely that u % to b spending time with them and ur no longer at that element so u get moody. u would b getting pissed off that issues are not occurring, yet he wont know this. save up the cheery chat and have a chortle, so ul b in a good temper and he will confer with u extra coz its relaxing :) optimistically. some human beings like somebody as quickly as they see them so if uv been spending time then its no longer too quickly. in my opinion anyhoo, which isnt very functional yet yeah. gd luck

Answer 9

you need to find a way to go on with Ur life and not involve him as much as u can.. U always seem to be getting disappointed or upset when dealing with him.. he seems to do what ever he wants .. when he wants too.. and u need to do the same..
be the care- taker of Ur self and kids.. perhaps he will feel left out.. and come around..
and yes, I use to allow my significant other to control my emotion and feelings.. but that is long gone..
they don't care ....all they want is to have their own way.. that is what matters..
and so I took the same attitude..
good luck.. happy holidays

Answer 10

Kiss and make up....Life in the average day of a normal married couple. You'll probably even laugh about it and tell the story at parties.