I broke up a few weeks ago with someone that I loved very much, everything was perfect..except she had children. I love children, but did not want the "daddy" role I felt pressured into. (these were another man's children)- and knew we would never have the intimacy that I long for in a real relationship.
I know now this is a dealbreaker for me...but I can't help but feel at one point she would have been what I call the "soulmate". Is it better to be with your "soulmate" and have hard issues to deal with, or better to find someone compatible with you, that the love might not run so deep?
Also- do you think there is more than one potential "soulmate" out there for everyone?
I do want children...eventually with ONE woman...MY children (OUR children), so no- I do not dislike children.
2007-12-18 11:58:14 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am lucky. I have my soulmate. But not everyone is as close as we are. We have only had one minor disagreement in 25 years.
Find someone that you are fairly compatable. So you are at level 9 rather than level 10--but at least you are mostly happy.
If you wait to find someone that is perfect, you may never find one and miss out on a nearly perfect life with someone.
But if you are going to have HUGE fights or you have HUGE disagreements--keep looking. Obviously the kids by another marriage were a deal breaker for you. Keep looking. Those kids don't need their family broken up a second time.
2007-12-18 12:02:51 · answer #1 · answered by redunicorn 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you REALLY loved her and if she TRULY was your SOULMATE, you would have accepted her children. A love like that brings with it many obstacles to overcome, and each and every single one of them is worth it. I never wanted to be a stepmother or marry a divorced man. I met my soulmate when I met my husband and I am now a stepmother. When a love as strong as it is between soulmates comes along, you do not give it up...you stretch and grow as a person and you compromise and find ways to make everything fit because you cannot breathe without the other person. This woman wasn't your soulmate---keep searching.
And honey, you'd better start opening your heart and mind to many different possibilities because no marriage is 100% ideal. Suppose you find that perfect woman and she cannot have your children? Will you move on yet again? God sends us people for a reason. Open your heart and your mind and be ready to receive the gift when it comes to you---even if it comes with "baggage".
2007-12-18 12:03:37 · answer #2 · answered by Marina 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Intimacy? REAL relationship? Um, I think you need to take a look at things here.
In a Real relationship there are all kinds of trials and tribulations. A real relationship is spent with the person you love, whatever takes place during that relationship is part of your life together. If you had children (of your own) what would make that so different than caring for children already here. Just because YOU donate the sperm doesn't make the situation different with children. What you're saying is that you choose NOT to love another persons children. They were HER children too. so by Not loving her children you were Not loving her.
That is kind of closed minded wouldn't you say? You thought more of yourself than her feelings. You knew she had children when you met her didn't you? Did you think they would just GO AWAY after you got emotionally involved with her? In a way you were so into your impression of what things should be like that you didn't take into consideration
what you were doing to HER.
Yes there are soulmates out there, and you may have just lost yours. Had you thought about it, you could have had your own children together also. Those children of hers needed a roll Model, Not a new daddy.
Stop thinking so much of yourself. look where it's left you?
Alone.
You're not ready for a relationship.
2007-12-18 12:08:13 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa R. 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think everyone has many "soulmates". It is definitely a good idea to try and work out your issues in a relationship before just giving up. Especially since leaving the relationship you were in is not just leaving a relationship with one, I'm sure the kids were also attatched to you. But in the end, after all the compromises both people in a relationship make, both people need to be happy and content where they are. As much as you may have loved the girl you were with and her kids, if you were not truly happy, (as long as you TRIED to work things out), it is good you split up. Breaking up is always hard, and you should always try to compromise, but if you are happier now, and you think she is happy, it was probably a decision for the best. Good luck in your future, and try to keep in touch with her, for both your sakes, (including the children). And hang in there, even if this girl was your "soulmate", there are many other wonderful women, "soulmates" waiting for you. I honestly believe happiness is the most important thing in the world. So if you can find pure happiness in a relationship then you have found your soulmate. So learn from the past, don't forget it, but move on to a bright, happy future. Good luck with everything!
2007-12-18 12:08:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Im not sure if there is a such a thing as soulmate. I know there is someone out there for everyone. You will find someone else soon with what you're looking for. But if you knew she had children why not just remain friends instead of getting serious and leaving all of a sudden? Im sure she feels a bit dejected, I would.
2007-12-18 12:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by lwomar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are several people in the world compatible (maybe even hundreds) but what are your chances of running into more than a few. (a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush?). I think the concept "soulmate" is a romantic fantasy. Find someone compatible with "risk factors" you can live with and work to make it work.
2007-12-18 12:03:57 · answer #6 · answered by Over The Rainbow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is tricky.I think its better to be with your soulmate, but I understand you wanting a family with someone who doesnt already have kids.Would she want to have anymore children with you?If the answer is not, then you have probably done the best thing.If its yes, then I think if you were really madly in love with her you would take on the daddy role.You dont mention love, I think you know when youve met the right person.
2007-12-18 12:05:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you knew she had children when you started seeing her. You say you loved her very much. Sounds to me like you are afraid of a commitment. You will have issues to deal with in any relationship, you can't run away forever. A soul mate is someone that you are compatible with and comfortable with. Do other women a favor and don't date them if they already have children unless you are willing to allow the relationship to grow.
2007-12-18 12:14:28 · answer #8 · answered by love my life 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry so much over the decision that you made. Alot of men do not want to raise someone else's children. It is better to find out now than to get married and then find out. Maybe marriage with this woman was not meant to be. You will meet that special someone someday. Some things are just not meant to be.
2007-12-18 12:05:44 · answer #9 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've always believed that there's more than one person for every one person.
I also believe that it's best to look for good chemistry between you and WORK at the compatibility thing. I suppose I'm pretty flexible when it comes to getting along with different types of people, but strong chemistry is hard to find.
If you're not compatible, you must sacrifice or substitute. It's not an impossible thing to do if you have an open mind.
I think two open-minded people with different backgrounds and beliefs could find amazing things in each other.
Maybe I'm just a hopeful romantic.
2007-12-18 12:02:11 · answer #10 · answered by Cosmodot 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋