many men on here have said that if the wife turns them down for sex then they get the feeling that they dont love them. because they equate sex with love. but then when it comes to cheating you hear them say...its for the sex and sex has nothing to do with love...please explain!
2007-12-18 10:58:05 · 14 answers · asked by Heather 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
lost..i understand what your saying. i just think its funny :)
2007-12-18 11:05:26 · update #1
Sure Heather, I'll give a shot ....
Those guys that say they cheat for the sex are correct. They cheat because they don't feel loved in their primary relationship. The sex act IS the love and these men cannot (or do not) differentiate the two.
The whole, "...its for the sex and sex has nothing to do with love..." B.S. is the line the guy uses to try and justify himself when he gets caught. He KNOWS that women do not equate sex and love, therefore - if he puts into this context, he is trying to cheapen the act of infidelity into something more acceptable (as twisted as that may sound).
Its the same B.S. line like, "Honey, its just sex, all we did was f*ck, but with you we MAKE LOVE ......" A man like this is just trying to cover his *ss and is lying to himself as well as his wife.
True, some guys are just dogs and will try and hump anything they can score with. They (in contrast to what you'd image and hear about on YA!) are in the minority..... Most men want a committed and loving relationship. They cheat for the same reason that women cheat - they (for whatever reason) feel unloved.
I am in NO WAY saying this is a valid excuse, nor does it justify their actions. But it IS the truth, if those men are willing to be truthful with themselves (as well as their partners).
Can men have sex without love? Sure, so can women. But over a long term relationship (i.e. affair vs a one night stand), the affair is fullfilling a need (usually the need to feel loved). This is true for both men and women as it relates to extra-marital activites.
Women cheat because "He doesn't pay attention to me, he doesn't spend time with me, he doesn't make me feel special, etc....." In short, they cheat because the man in their primary relationship does NOT MAKE THEM FEEL LOVED.
Its the exact same reason for men, its just that the expression of that love is most often contained / expressed in the physical act as opposed to the emotional attachment that women often connect it with.
If a wife continually turns down her husband's advances, to him its the exact same feeling that SHE would have if he continually told her, "You're not worthy of my love, you don't deserve my affections, you're not worth the time / effort / trouble to make you feel special."
Honestly - how many women would put up with that type of put downs from their husbands long term without seeking comfort elsewhere?
Cheating is a permanent solution to a temporary problem in most marriages.... You can't go back once the line is crossed. Plus, it really cheats (not just in the physical sense) because you are now spending your time / energy on your parnter on the side (or in keeping it a secret) and NOT spending time / energy on fixing your primary relationship.
Do yourself and your spouse a favor - if you're going to cheat, be a big enough person to just up and leave first ....
2007-12-18 11:22:40 · answer #1 · answered by aa889d 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think one guy said those two things. I feel a guy that says they equate sex to being or feeling love, would never say, he cheated for only sex. There are men that cheat for just the sex part, but those men don't equate sex to being or feeling love. Both could be true but spoken by two different men?
2007-12-18 19:13:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to sex men do not usderstand, that having sex is not just about the pleasure, it has so much more to a women. A womed wants to feel special wanted cherished. If a women is not feeling thoses things the desire to make love is gone. It is proven a women is turned on by many more things then him pressing his thing in your back in the mornig saying" please just let me stick it in. If he is justifing cheating about just being about sex he is messed up and needs a moral check. make sense? good luck.
2007-12-18 21:29:54 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL, EXCELLENT! I think they say whatever suits them at the time.
Edit: Note to "Lost": If they're having an affair, where is the love for the wife? Therefore it is NOT making love. And please don't say you can have genuine love for a person and still have an affair, cause that's bull hockey! Just another little something to think about. Why aren't all the men answering?
2007-12-18 19:01:58 · answer #4 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is called "immaturity". Only a silly child unwilling to learn self control will be so backstabbing and ridiculous and two faced, etc. If such a person..male or female . would honestly look into their lives growing up ..they would remember the pain their parents caused them by doing the same thing. Such people often make promises to themselves as their own parents are busy damaging their tiny little hearts.. to NEVER do that to their own children.but .. it is what almost always happens. ( the biblical curse in proverbs )
2007-12-18 19:04:19 · answer #5 · answered by BelieverinGod 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
When you have sex with someone that you love you are making love right. Well when you cheat and are just having sex it is passion not love because deep down you do love this person you just lust there body. So contributes that there is a difference.
2007-12-18 19:03:09 · answer #6 · answered by Lost 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Lady Phoenix got it right. To rephrase it a little.
A man has to have sex to feel loved.
A woman has to feel loved to have sex.
2007-12-18 22:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by mr_e_cowboy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is VERY important to a man. When they can't share that with their wife, then they feel unloved.
Affection is VERY important to a woman. When they don't get it from hubby, then they feel unloved.
Do women equate LOVE with affection? Probably not consciously, but we do.
Do men equate sex with love? Probably not consciously, but they do.
2007-12-18 19:20:20 · answer #8 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh Heather give us a break.
You making us look like a bunch of ever horny animals.
HaHaHa
Long time no hear
Cheers
B.
2007-12-18 19:48:50 · answer #9 · answered by Bruinou B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rejection from a spouse is painful.
Ejaculation is pleasurable.
Sex with someone you love feels great.
Sex with someone you don't care about feels good, but isn't great.
If making a decision between pain and pleasure people will pick pleasure.
2007-12-18 19:06:52 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋