This insecurity revolves aroudn the fact that my wife told me she didnt love me, she wanted nothing to do with me, she took my kid away from me for three weeks, and almost divorced me, now she turned around and wants to work on things.... there is the background here is the question...
How do you feel when your wife/girlfriend turns you down when you want to be intimate with them. I would say about 80-85 percent of the time lately i have been told no. Then when we do do it, i think that its me forcing her, whether or not that is true im not sure. My first thought would be im in the mood to do something, not even a second later my next immediate thought is that she will just say no so why even bother. So, how do others feel about getting told no a lot, and what to do about it to change that?
2007-12-18 10:35:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
find a new one
2007-12-18 10:37:20 · answer #1 · answered by Kai 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women need to feel loved to have sex & men need to have sex to feel loved. How true this is. Try taking a step back from the sex a little bit. Go back to basics kiss & cuddle without it leading to sex. Also explain to your wife that you want to do that & she will feel more relaxed that a kiss or cuddle isn't going to immediately lead to sex. Yes it is difficult for a man to be turned down but it is just as difficult for a woman to be asked all the time especially when life is busy. If you appreciate her in little ways she will want to be with you more. Don't doubt her love for you based on the sex you get. I thought I would share a womans point of view. Good Luck
2007-12-18 11:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that for MOST men .....
When they are constantly / routinely turned down by their wife, it sends them the message of "I don't love you".
While this might not be the truth (or maybe it is), I believe this is how most men feel (if they're willing to admit it). I know for a fact its true for me.
I also think most women greatly discount how much this hurts their husband and overall, their relationship / marriage.
I'm not talking the occasional, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I have a headache.... type thing. But, if a man routinely gets shot down for sex from his wife, it adds stress / hurt into the relationship.
Don't ask me WHY this is as I have NO idea - but the majority of us men equate sexual relations and love. Its really a very direct connection. Similar to how women connect mutual emotions with love.
As far as how to change it, I don't know. You have to talk to HER about that. Either that, or prepare to get out of the relationship.
2007-12-18 10:50:42 · answer #3 · answered by aa889d 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what her reason is for turning me down. If it is doctor's orders or she is on her period or something really bad just happened, then I have no problem with it. On the other hand, if it's because she's just "not in the mood", that is very frustrating. Could be nothing personal friend. Her sex drive might be lower than yours but she should still try to carry out her marital duty somewhat better than that. Without compromise, I don't see how both of you could be really happy. Best wishes.
2007-12-18 12:13:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. She may love you. She apparently does not desire you sexually. Can you live with that?
If yes, then consider sitting down and talking about your futures together. Forget sex. It needs not to happen. If after a time she expresses a desire to be with you, say, no. This isn't punitive. It merely reflects the fact that you will not be used as a toy.
It could be that her "love" for you is actually love for the resources you provide or something else. Do you want that kind of "love?" You need to know the truth and decide whether you want to keep this relationship or not.
2007-12-18 11:04:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In reality though, she needs to realize that you need to feel wanted and that its a big part of a relationship to the guy. this is a problem in alot of relationships believe it or not.
Bring it up to her from time to time. Let her know how it makes you feel (not wanted, unattractive, etc) If she wants that to change, she should start making some changes in order to make the relationship a happier one for you. You just have to listen to her and do that kind of stuff in return. I cant tell you how many times i get turned down by my gf and weve only been together 2 years.....it doesnt feel good at all.
2007-12-18 10:39:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well now how in the heck would we know how he feels? If you are so hot that you make boys weak in the knees, you make their tongues get stuck to the roof of their mouth, you make their juices drip from the tip, and you have a money maker that won't quit, then he probably feels disappointed. If you are just so so, and he had a few brewskies and wanted to take a shot, then he probably just thinks it is your loss not his.
2016-03-16 02:52:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand that what a woman feel out of the bedroom will carry over - meaning that if she's unhappy with other aspects of the relationship, she will not want to have sex. Who wants to make love to someone they're mad at? You have to fix the problems OUTSIDE of the bedroom first if you want your sex life to improve. Men view sex as a way to GET close to a partner. Women view sex as a way to express a closeness they already feel for their partner.
2007-12-18 11:08:56 · answer #8 · answered by Gina M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes me feel like she doesn't love me. This in turn makes me have feelings of resentment, causing my feelings of love towards her to diminish to a point. The more I am turned down, the less I love her because of this vicious cycle. If I get turned down continuously, I quit asking... what's the use?
If she initiates the sex, it makes me feel loved more and I feel appreciated, which makes me love her a little more. It's a rollercoaster type of thing for me.
2007-12-18 11:18:59 · answer #9 · answered by Jaxxonz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you give her everything she wants then she really doesn't have to be nice to you.
Re-evaluate your spending habits I bet she spends more than her fair share.
So contribute your FAIR half and put the rest in your personal savings account. Half of the savings is hers, but she would have to divorce you before getting access to it. I promise you will feel better not paying for sex you aren't getting.
2007-12-18 11:23:55 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need counseling. What your wanting from her is to know she finds you attractive and desirable. I'm not sure what is in her mind, unless some how she was hurt and your not saying all that has happened in your relationship.
2007-12-18 10:58:46 · answer #11 · answered by Linn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋