ok first off i dont want to hear negative things about our relationship...you dont know us.
but i am asking for help on how independent he is.
we had a huge talk about it and we both came to agreement he is to independent to be in a serious relationship esp if we are talkng about marriage in the near future.
we have been together for 4years.
(his long story short) he has been indep from age 8, father died, mother abandoned him, lived with his uncle who was never home. so he is used to being indep and depending only himself no one else...
well i need to feel needed. i knows he wants me in his life but i never feel he needs me. i believe the one ur supposed to be with, that you NEED each other...not just WANT...if that makes sense...
what can he do to either become less indep or show me he needs me???
and not just a nice night out telling me how much he loves me... but more like daily or weekly things he could do....
SINCERE ANSWERS ONLY PLEASE!!
thank you
happy holidays~
2007-12-18 10:22:36 · 6 answers · asked by roxybeach793 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i just recently got married, and a friend of mine told me about this really cute story she saw on Opera, this will help him to see how much he really does depend on you, and it will def. make you feel better.
Their story was, everyday (which if you ask me is a little extreme...but you could do like every week) they would write a little note to one another nothing korny or long and drawn out, but just a little note that said, thanks for starting my car this morning so it would be warm when i got in, or thanks for taking out the trash, or you really rocked my world last night. Its just little things that shows hes appreciative and you're loved. Do it to one another so he feels the same way.
Now that Im married my husband and I do it, and its a great way to stay connected and let the other one know just how much they mean to you without going overboard or korny.
Good Luck!
2007-12-18 10:30:03 · answer #1 · answered by Chelsearay85 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Four years is a long time to know someone.
You said that "I need to feel needed" which apparently you are not getting from your relationship today.
You have addressed this with your partner and he is damaged goods so he can not provide it.
I think you know the answer because you are searching for a way to put a square peg into a round hole. "What can he do to either become less independent or show me he needs me?"
If you truly need something and can not get it from a relationship then learn to live without it or move on. Your partner has no incentive to change as long as you accept him for who he is. By becoming more independent (from him) you change the terms of the relationship.
He must change to get you back. In the meantime you have the opportunity to develop alternatives if he can not change.
If this course of action goes somewhere you do not want to go then learn to live with his shortcomings; it will be easier on you in the long-run.
2007-12-18 10:40:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.. if he doesn't talk 2 u much.. talk to him! =] I really give my sincere condolences! I know it must be hard.. like don't EVER change yourself. Or else he might not like u 4 u. Do little things like... give him a kiss when u r just walking, or wear perfume and walk by him just staring into his eyes for a second and then walking past constantly looking back. Make sure also he KNOWS how u feel. Say the same thing you did in ur question. Good Luck 2 u =]♥
2007-12-18 10:37:13 · answer #3 · answered by Eggroll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be easy to dismiss this as a situation where he is afraid to commit but it's more complicated than that, I'm sure.
Chances are he does need you, more than he even knows, and maybe even more than you would ever want to be needed. He is just afraid to trust you, and you won't change that overnight, not even in four years. Your BF has serious abandonment issues and you can't really blame him. The issue on his mind is..."If I need someone else, and they don't come through for me, then I'm screwed...so it's best to rely totally on myself."
The best thing you can do in this situation is to be consistently trustworthy and available, but not hurt if he shies away from asking you for anything. He does need love, attention, and affection, and you can give him that predictably and faithfully. He may not need you for advice, accomplishing everyday tasks, but that's okay.
In time, he will probably realize that he does need you, and that you have been able to meet his needs, and that will open some doors for your relationship...IF you want to wait that long.
Don't take it personally if it takes longer than you expect, and don't blame yourself or him if you decide not to wait on him to acknowledge your place in his life.
2007-12-18 10:34:03 · answer #4 · answered by musicimprovedme 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I appreciate your sincerity and not just another bull crap question.
He can simply ask you to do something for him. im not talking go to the gas station and get him a coke, but something like ask you to give him a massage or something that he would need you to do him.
You should also understand the way he is. He has been like that his whole life and thats all he knows. He doesn't know what it feels like to be needed, so he doesn't know how to show you that he needs you. It has been four years and it may take a LONG time on his part to learn.
2007-12-18 10:32:29 · answer #5 · answered by juju6108 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think if you both trust, love and respect each other, you should keep your relationship the way it is because a person's relationship isn't defined by other people; it's defined by the two people who are in it. He might not need you for physical things but if you guys have stuck around together this long it means he needs you on a deep level even if it doesnt seem like it. sounds like a good thing. i personally think he needs you and that you should know that but dont really expect him to communicate it to you because he's not used to it. all the best.
2007-12-18 10:31:00 · answer #6 · answered by josie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋