Crazy marital story - is this normal?

Question

My husband doesn't want me to have friends. I can't have any life outside of him. He's jealous and overprotective and controlling and unfair. He told me I could go out with old friends again, so last night I did for the first time in two years (since our relationship started) and he ended up getting unbelievably mad at me for it - like it was a big test or something to see if I would really do it eventhough I checked and checked and checked with him that it was really okay. He gave me an ultimatem to chose between hanging out with friends or staying married to him. I have to preserve my marriage, but last night was the greatest night of my life in years. This makes me so mad. Is he in the wrong?

Answer 1

Yes he is wrong! It isn't even conceiveable for a person to completely isolate themselves as you have done. I am in a similar situation and the only difference is that we are 4 1/2 years into this and we have an understanding.... If he goes out or has company over then so can I on another night. It isn't fair of him to expect you to choose between a friendship that means a lot to you and your marriage. It looks to me like you have already made your choice and have more than paid a huge price for it.....now you are wanting a compromise and he isn't budging. If he goes out you have the right to too! Don't be a doormat! Good Luck, Momma_Bear

Answer 2

My husband is the same way know I have to ask does he go out with his buddy and gets some drinks and stuff you man is just like my husbadn and I have finally told him that I thought it was unffair so guess what I did I told him that he could not longer go out and because I was not aloud to go out. And you know what if he does not want you to have friends outsid then have them over your house. For instance have a oparty when he is not there and be happy he will not be angry because you are not any where but at home and he does not have to worry about it. And if he still gets mad then you need to consider leaving him because he is to compulsive and I do not think that you want a man like this for the rest of your life I have been married to mine for 6 years and I am tellling you in has been hard but I have tried to get by. And we are still together but you either have to accept him how he is or you leave him one or the other.

Answer 3

It's normal for him because he locked in on this type of marriage and it is obvious you agreed since you have not done anything different for 2 years. Keep the peace in your marriage and savor on the good time you had. He is wrong for being mad after you (2) two agreed you would go. He's probably thinking of all the negative things that could have gone wrong and he probably sees the joy you had from your night out.

Answer 4

Your husband is acting like that due to an extremely low self esteem. If he will go to counseling, get him there ASAP. If he refuses or says that there is nothing wrong with him and its everyone else's fault than get the hell out of there.

dont walk, RUN for the nearest exit. Do not even consider having children with this man, if he will not get help, it will only make it worse!! Trust me, I know from first hand experience. It will NOT get better. Do not talk yourself into thinking it will.

Your husband probably is a "great" guy and would do anything for anyone, but he unless he can admit that he needs help, it isnt going to change.

If you try to demand respect or personal time, he will only get more possessive.

counseling or divorce. those are your two options.

Answer 5

this is extremely long and that i study it like a newspaper. as long as she is divorced you may marry her, your parents won't stay with you so as this is your concern. she would be able to income you and once you have your fights ( no be counted how lots you like a man or woman you will disagree ) she would point out the ex and make an apology later. you may the two run away at the same time , you are the alternative of the husband, you pay attention and stuffs like that. each in specific situations friendship works yet once you progression in at the same time could be hell. in case you have not had intercourse how are you able to tell she is 'sexually aggressive' ? briefly do what you like , no you may elect for you. it is in simple terms approximately as long as your question haha

Answer 6

YES!!!!! you are being controlled and that is not love or a good marriage. his behavior is abusive in a very controling way. get out before you live this sad life to the end. if this is how you have been living ,you havent lived at all. these kind of men are dangerous. seek help!

Answer 7

I was in a relationship like that. He became like that as soon as we became engaged to be married. I stuck it out for 6 months, as I had made the commitment to marry him and I took that commitment very seriously. I really wanted it to work, but made it clear that we could not get married until he changed his ways.
I'll give you the nutshell version. He pretended he was trying, but he wasn't trying. That is, he tried out a whole new set of ways to control and manipulate me. Not that the overt abuse ever really subsided. It was just supplimented.
Eventually I realised that he is what he is and he's never going to change. And my situation, if I stayed, was only ever going to get worse - it was already so much worse, 6 months on, than it had been and this was with him "trying" to improve; or at lease trying to be seen to be improving... God, these people do mess with your mind. They're experts.
Those of us who get into these relationships, we're nice people. We just want to make our man happy. But I also wanted him to make me happy. That desire (for him to make you happy) tends to eventually be lost, the longer you stay with a man like that. Once upon a time it was an EXPECTATION and then one day, you just want him to be happy so that you're less miserable. But that never happens.
My guy was very big with the verbal and emotionaly abuse, but there came a time when there were hints of physical abuse to come (a night of violent pushing, doesn't sound like much when there are women in this world getting totally beaten up, but it's actually a kind of promisary note). One day it dawned on me that if I ever married this man, my wedding night would be the worst of my life. Again, this was at a time when my spirit had been beaten down so much that I had had no expectation or even hope that my wedding night would necessarily be the BEST of my life. I just wanted it to be free of abuse.
My God, I was TIRED. I was SO tired. I couldn't live like that any more. I left.
HE couldn't believe it! lol. He actually believed, he SERIOUSLY BELIEVED I would cop his crap forever. He was stunned. I was stunned at how stunned he was. He actually tried WOOING me. He really thought I was going to fall for that again.
They all do.

I've rambled on a bit, and I think I've made it clear that I think you should leave this man, but I also know that you've said that you really want to "preserve" your marriage and you are concerned that your feelings of anger and resentment towards your husband for his attitude are wrong. They are not wrong. They are perfectly natural and perfectly appropriate. If you are unable to live a life within that marriage and be yourself, and be free to GROW within that marriage, it's not marriage, it's jail.
You are not your husband's possession.

Answer 8

the more u let him treat u like a door mat the more he will do
try him and say you choose to lead yr own life and u can do it with him or with out him but u r not going to do as he says from now on.....
there is a name for people like yr husband and it a control freak
i think its time to end it now and the sooner u do it the sooner yr husband will accept this and let u lead yr own life just like he leads his

good luck hope i have helped some small way x x

Answer 9

yes he is in the wrong and needs big time counselling and if he refuses to get it you will not be a happy individual... you were an individual before you met him and you re an individual now...with a commitment. But a commitment doesn't mean sacrificing yourself and your free time for the sake of marriage

Answer 10

Everyone is right! He is wrong and too controlling! You should be free to hang out with whomever you want and still be married! You should give him an ultimatium to stop being controlling or you will leave him.