Why do you have to have kids with someone to prove that you love them?

Question

Some married people have children to bond them together. The child is a product of their love. Why is this the case? I would assume that a child would create a barrier between them because it is an extra person to share your time and love with. Meaning you would have less time to put into nurtuing your relationship with your spouse.

So, wouldn't your marital bond be stronger if you didn't have children?

Answer 1

Yes it would. I don't think that is the main reason people have children. Most people wanted to have children before they knew their spouse. Getting married is just a means to an end.

People that do use children to strengthen their marriage are idiots. They usually wind up with worse problems plus they now have children that are suffering.

Answer 2

What an excellent question. Yes I have heard divorced people to say bringing a children was their thought on a way to improve their marriage or expecting things to be better.

I think is just a weird way of nature to keep this world populated, some bring children as their goals, others for the reason you mentioned and is just how we are programmed.

As a person and individual that I can think and I can take my choices. I just put a restriction on the cases where I would allow myself to bring a children to the world is actually very limited to almost none, and would be if I am married, years into marriage and the existance of love hasn't even been a question, but that's just one way of thinking.

Answering your final question their marital wouldn't be stronger with or without children, they would just not be stronger ever, they just married wrong and the sooner they accept it the better for them, and for the children. But again, they have hopes, they try their best. I think people should consider being single more than what people really does and not assume life is misserable if you aren't married, which is what the majority thinks.

Answer 3

The answer to the question in your subject line would be "no" (you don't have to have children with someone to "prove" anything); but it seems to me you're asking a different question. I think, the way a child impacts the relationship depends heavily on the situation and on the relationship itself. Sometimes it does create disharmony; a "barrier". My personal feeling is that it happens when the relationship isn't very strong to begin with, or when having children is not something one or both people want to do. From my observation, having kids makes a strong relationship stronger for the same reasons that all common goals and aspirations strengthen bonds. A child is something that you both can focus on, something that you both give your love to - and this can bring you closer.

Answer 4

Children are divisive, not bonding...anyone knows that... well, no, I take that back.

As a product of public schools, you were not taught how to shop for a spouse, how to budget money, how to parent, and for sure, why you would even want to. We didn't tell you that it will cost you $250,000 per kid!!!!!!!!!!!!! to age 18, and that is with nothing but the bare essentials, no private art lessons, no music lessons, no ballet lessons, no season tickets to symphony so the kid can learn that there is more to life than rap, a computer, a cell phone, and dope. We never taught you how to communicate without resentment and rage.... read all the stuff on there about people who are miserable because their spouse is a jerk...they aren't much better.... And, in may cultures --- black, latino, poor whites, Hmong, etc., girls are taught that they are only to serve men.... Their moms rear them to "Just find a nice guy, have a family, and be happy ever after." Nothing about finishing your education........... and guess what? It doesn't happen. Worse, in latino cultures, a girl gets told by Jose, or Juan, "Have my baby" and since her life is miserable, she is preggers before she is 17, has three before she is 22, repeating the cycle her mom was in, and he has several girl friends who he got preggers because those girls as well bought into that crap. And Juan didn't get out of it very well either..... he has kids he can never support, they will have nothing, and he's been sold a bill of goods that not only is he not macho enough unless he has a ton of kids, he's also not macho unless every time he drinks, he drinks himself into oblivion.

For sure, kids are not bonding. And all those gomers you see outside of Wal-mart got sold the same bill of goods, and they are now working at age 75 not because the don't have anything else to do, it is because they need the cashola.

Answer 5

Well I would have to say that this statement is not true... My new husband and I actually got pregnant 2 years before we were married. Not that I am saying our son was a mistake, but more of a welcomed accident. But when we found out we were going to be parents, we kept our relationship simple and later we grew closer. And then got married. I think we had our son because we both wanted to be parents and then grew into love each other and our relationship. Were as the love between parents and children is unconditional, the love between adults can some times seem more of learned than anything. Our child has brought us closer but it was not the reason we had him.

Answer 6

You don't have to have kids with someone to prove that you love them.

Anyone that thinks they do is in for a great surprise. Children are a "gift" we are given to love and nurture, not a "token" to prove our love for someone we choose as our mate.

Children can bring many things to a relationship. Having them should be a mutual understanding between 2 people, to add to a relationship and create a family to love and care for together. Sometimes it works...sometimes it doesn't. Sad thing is, the children usually suffer the consequences the most.

Be sure what you ask for in life is what you really want and need. It could go either way... nothing is promised or certain in life. You just gotta have faith and go with it.

Answer 7

I'm assuming that u are not married or u do not have children. Even though you will have less time for one another, it does create an unbreakable bond between a husband and wife. It is hard to explain, but agreeing to bring a child into the world together is the most unselfish and most loving thing a couple can do together.

Answer 8

Millions of years of biological and evolutionary history. We are programmed to form families. Some prefer not to have children, but statistics suggest that most married people are at least open to the idea of having and rearing children.

One thing is for certain. Married partners (and unmarried ones as well) should not have children together unless and until all parties willingly and willfully embrace the idea. Children deserve better than to be brought into the world just to solidify a relationship.

Answer 9

Children do not create barriers between the parents. If problems develop between the parents, it is not the kid's fault. However, having a child to "prove" that love exists is the WAY WRONG reason to have kids.

Answer 10

Each person and relationship is different. You can't generalize this about people. Some people are bonded more by a child some aren't. Some who don't have kids have a very strong bond, some don't.