why is it that i just cant leave the past in the past? I even called to see how this man is doing. has anyone got an answer
2007-12-18 09:24:53 · 13 answers · asked by Bubbles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh man, that's rough. i think everyone thinks about past lovers, but i don't know about contacting them? it seems to raise ?'s, you know what i mean...sometimes it just takes a while for the heart to catch up
blessings to you
2007-12-18 09:28:42 · answer #1 · answered by starting over 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can leave the past in the past, you just got married way too soon. You shouldn't have started a relationship if you were having emotional baggage, because the past, can stay in the past. It's not your fault, it's his fault also for marring someone he doesn't really know very well, otherwise he would be able to see the facts you aren't done with your past.
The other thing is there is some exciting part on doing what you are not supposed to do, calling an ex without telling your husband, that was like taking a chance for something to start happening, and if I'm not wrong, you also know that and you are perfectly aware.
The best action to do now is to tell everything to your husband including what you did, how you feel, how you felt, that is weird, that you need his support to help you go through that, and if it's mean to be, ask for professional help. If you don't share with your husband, your life is now starting to split from his, and it could be the beginning of the end. Remember that you become 1 person at some point, or kind of like that. You walk or you don't walk together, and he is supposed to support you also, tell him exactly how you feel, it will also help him to have less problems if he has something similar going on, or has it in the future.
Remember, he is not perfect, you are not perfect, you are just 2 people trying what you guys think is the best, that's what it counts.
2007-12-18 17:58:40 · answer #2 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the old saying applies well here.. the grass is always greener on the other side. You want what you can't have... that sort of thing. Listen, it's ok to wonder what if. What's important is that you don't act on those impluses. Once you do, you get into dangerous territory and start hurting alot of people. Stop calling him, your sending the wrong the messages and confusing him. He might think your still interested in him. If you are, then that may be a red flag to you that there's something missing in your marriage that your not getting. If you say you love your husband like you do, than stop calling this other guy and start talking to your husband and tell him what your not getting. If he loves you, he'll listen and will do what's best to make you happy in your marriage with him. But whatever you do STOP! calling this other guy, your putting yourself in some messy territory that before you know it you won't be able to get yourself out of. Hope this helps! take care, God Bless and have a good Christmas.
2007-12-18 17:44:24 · answer #3 · answered by Shortie Cake 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Theres nothing wrong with dealing with your past if it is something you want to do...It's not the past for a reason...It could be because you don't want to let go or maybe your not ready to move on...Once you are able to do that you will begin to leave things alone...It could also be you haven't found the closure you need to end it too...So don't be so hard on yourself...You will know when its time to leave it in the past for good....Until then it's normal to be concern about someone who was important and apart of that journey with you...All the best....
2007-12-19 09:42:00 · answer #4 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did the same for 12 yrs>After divorced had to have closure> So made contact spent the day together>Talked there was nothing there>So was able to end the bain drama once and for all>Haven't thought of her since>So the past is the past>
Think of the future>Make the 1 thats with you your thoughts> good luck>
2007-12-18 18:04:42 · answer #5 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's normal for some of us to have a harder time letting the past go especially when it involves a previous loved one. But you could try getting control of your thoughts here. You're the one having the thoughts, so think about something else when he pops in your head. Retrain your brain. Otherwise you're missing out on the time you have with your current husband by mentally being stuck in the past.
2007-12-18 17:30:23 · answer #6 · answered by gogogadgetlonglegs 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The word "BUT" in your sentence erases the first part of your sentence...YOU are NOT happy in yourcurrent marriage... If you were happy in your marriage you would not be dreaming about and calling your PAST man....
YOU are crossing the marriage boundaries in your current marriage behind your husbands back...
Get to a marriage counselor or clergy and talk about why you are WANTING what you Can't have....
2007-12-18 17:37:51 · answer #7 · answered by Dog Rescuer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get counseling to get over your childish obsession. It is really wrong to do what you are doing; how would you feel if your husband were doing this to you? It is always easy to look back at something and try to make it into something better than it really was; if it was past, let it lie, and GROW UP.
2007-12-18 17:29:39 · answer #8 · answered by eldots53 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're happily married, you wouldn't be thinking about a man in your past.
2007-12-18 17:57:47 · answer #9 · answered by kidfree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
eeek.... that may have gone a little overboard. How would you feel if your husband had the same problem. Look at it from his perspective. If it bothers you, then you need to work on forgetting about the past... if it doesn't, then don't worry about it.
2007-12-18 17:28:35 · answer #10 · answered by Avelyn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋