how do you put it all out there and let yourself be completely vulnerable by completly trusting another. i love my husband and he's a great guy but i have trust issues stemming from traumatic past experiences. so any tips on how to just let it go and be ok with the feeling of vulnerability that comes with complete trust? i just would hate to be one of those people who blindly trusts someone just to get hurt down the line.
2007-12-18 08:30:31 · 14 answers · asked by Heather 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It took me a long time to trust again after my ex-wife cheated on me. But with the help of family and friends, and a lot of praying I got through it. Now I am married again to a wonderful lady. She is everything that I wished my first marriage would have been, and I wasnt going to lose her over something that my ex-wife did. Open your heart, and trust him, it just going to make things that much easier for you two. Good luck...
2007-12-18 09:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by Heretostay 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, there is no guarantee that you will not get hurt down the road. You really need to talk to your husband about this. The two of you need to build a trusting relationship. That doesn't happen over night that come through hard work and both of you doing what you say you are going to do. If he's a great guy then you need to open up to him and let him know how you are feeling and come up with ways together on how to build the trust in your relationship . It isn't fair to hold past experiences that you have had against him. Look at it as a new experience and work at it. But also remember that nothing comes with a guarantee you just have to have faith in the man that you married.
2007-12-18 17:26:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can either live your life trusting or you can think about the 'what ifs' and have a less satisfying life. I am sure you want others to trust you, right? Look, we have all been hurt and had traumatic experiences that have affected us but holding onto them only hurts ourselves and no one else. You never know what life has in store for you or what will happen in the future; truth is, all you really have is what is occurring right now at this moment. Enjoy that. Building a cacoon around you will not stop you from being hurt in the future; it could happen. But so many things 'could happen' in life. I trust as much as I am able to do so; I do take people at face value unless they give me a reason to think otherwise. Be happy with yourself first and know that you can make it even if someone again does let you down or hurts you. There are always people who will never do that to you; we just don't concentrate on them as much or hear as much about them.
Good luck to you!
2007-12-18 16:52:25 · answer #3 · answered by pussycat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust and honesty are probably the two key elements essential in a successful relationship. Trying to maintain these can be an everlasting battle, with both you and your partner needing to work hard to maintain them on both sides. There are some essential guidelines that any person or couple can follow to keep up the levels of trust and honesty required for both people in a relationship to be happy and sure they want to carry on in that relationship.
In this article, we will look at different ways of keeping and promoting trust, and ways that both people in a relationship can reassure their other half that they are trusting and trustworthy. We will also look at what you should be doing to ensure honesty is a key element of any relationship you are in. There are ways of ensuring you are exuding honesty, and therefore receiving complete and utter honesty from your partner.
Promoting trust and honesty:
Promoting trust is essential in building a strong, healthy relationship between two people. Love may have been the key to starting the bond, but being trustworthy, and completely trusting your partner will be one of the things that make it last. If you want your partner to trust you, you must display honesty and integrity from the start and maintain it throughout the course of a relationship.
2007-12-18 16:37:33 · answer #4 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly seek counselling. A pyscotheripist or physciatrist can help you with trust issues. Its not your husbands fault that you don't trust him for your past experiences. This must really steal away from present relationship. Imagine how much better things would be when there is complete trust between the two of you.
2007-12-18 16:50:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you have had some bad experiences in the past and they sound like they have scarred you...Don't let them define who you are as a person. You deserve to be happy and free. Enjoy life. If this is hard for you to do, maybe you should talk to someone who can help you work through some of these issues. It may just help if your able to talk and get them out.
Sometimes, if we can just forgive those that have wronged us in the past, we can move forward and start living again. Think this might be possible?
2007-12-18 16:46:35 · answer #6 · answered by Bunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel complete in and of yourself it will not matter what he does. This is not to say that he is not trustworthy. It is to say that trust is often more about self (or self-doubt) than anything said or done by another person.
Distrusting hurts you. It takes away essential parts of your soul. You can extend trust and still be betrayed but that's on the other person not you. Don't hurt yourself by not trusting. Find a place of inner peace and self-confidence and just let go. You are worth it.
2007-12-18 16:42:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whew....I dont know how you are going to take this... Love is not the absence of 'being hurt'. Love is being able to hold on thru hurt.
Prior to getting married my husband hurt me repeatedly. I had always been the sort of person to 'bounce back' from painful relationships because I just dumped the guy and replaced him. I didnt let myself get HURT, much. As a result, I didnt stay in relationships very long because inevitably, painful things happen, trust is broken, etc. So when my husband began to be that 'hurtful person' my first reaction is to protect myself and bounce...(similar to you but in your case, you just 'dont make yourself vulnerable at all'). You know what helped me to get past it? God. Everything in me wanted to say F*** this and leave but God showed me two things...1) that finding the strength to get thru pain and mistrust meant leaning on HIM, and 2) that if you make yourself vulnerable and trust God, He will bless you on the other side of the pain.
It sounds kind of weird maybe..but its true. My husband and i have an awesome marriage,but its only because I found the strength to be vulnerable and forgive and trust despite how I felt. I had so many times when I told God..I'll stay but I wont give him my heart anymore. And God said...but I cant change him if you dont love him like I love you.
((sigh))...sorry if its too spiritual...I just know my marriage would have never survived without God showing me how to get past painful things. Its not about blindly trusting your spouse..its about trusting God to make it all work out.
2007-12-18 16:45:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is on the level and your giving him hell over everything; you be able to be in peace because he will leave the relationship soon. A man can only take so much. He can and will be understanding, but if there isn't any improvement, he will get enough of the bs and leave. I know I've had enough and it's over. I'm outa there.
2007-12-18 16:49:59 · answer #9 · answered by Keeper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you want to somehow have a gaurantee that your going to be... what one of the lucky in the group of maybe 5%. Good luck with that. I mean there is trust and then there is SOMETHING you can bank on, and thats few and far between.
2007-12-18 17:11:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋