Need an outsider's point of view! I am torn Between a GREAT Career and a GREAT Man (long distance relationship

Question

I am in Cal and I have been seen this guy for over a year. he lives in my hometown TEXAS where my entire family is at. I have this rising career that demands a lot of me and allows me very little time to visit home.

This guy has my heart and is a very amazing warm hearted person. I keep canceling my trips to see him because my work is in a high demand of me! This breaks him into pieces and he is studying for his Masters and cant move over here… we want to move our Long distance relationship to another level because we both want to see each other more! He is tired of seen me only once every 2 or sometimes 3 months. What should I do? He fulfills my heart and takes my breath away! But my career gives me the stability and security. I come from a low budget family and I am scared of not having enough money to take care of myself! Oh I know I am an emotional mess right now he told me that he want to step away from our relationship because the distance and my work is just him!

Answer 1

Follow your heart, you said it all when you said "this guy has my heart and is a very amazing warm hearted person". Trust me that isn't always easy to find and should be cherished. I know your career is wonderful and I fully understand that, but take this chance and move for love. You won't be sorry and you will find another great career I promise, but you might not find another great love!

Answer 2

The Internet has changed dating. There's now hope for singles living in small towns and remote areas or in cities where meeting someone to date is difficult.

By using the Internet, those singles can reach out geographically to meet other singles in all parts of the country and the world. People who otherwise wouldn't have met are doing so.

And because of this, large numbers of singles are becoming involved in long-distance relationships, which brings a new set of concerns and issues of which singles need to be aware.

Monica Jones lived in Mission Viejo, Calif., when she met her husband Greg, of Gulf Breeze, Fla., on the Internet. Monica considers herself to be the queen of long-distance relationships and shares sound advice for people considering relocating to be near a new lover:

1. Meet in person within a month so you won't invest a lot of time, money and emotions into someone who may not be what you're looking for. Face-to-face chemistry is unpredictable.

2. When you first meet, have a back-up plan-to stay at a hotel or return home sooner if the visit doesn't go as planned.

3. Meet and spend quality time with his family, friends and children.

4. Don't be in a long-distance relationship with someone you can't trust. Wondering if he or she is telling you the truth will drive you nuts.

5. Try not to go weeks or months without spending time together. People can change in that amount of time, and you may not be able to recognize the change via the phone or computer.

6. Have different methods of contacting each other -- the person's home, work, cell and pager numbers, and e-mail address. He or she should be willing to give all of these to you.

7. Before moving, spend several weeks with the person at different times of the year.

8. If you decide to move, discuss expectations beforehand. If it doesn't work, you both should have an exit plan. This is like a marriage pre-nuptial agreement, instead it covers moving to be together.

9. Have at least one back-up plan if the move doesn't work out. Make sure you can return to your old life if you need to. Don't co-mingle assets until you are in a committed relationship, whether it's marriage or another arrangement.

Most long-distance relationships don't work, and few work out as well as Monica's and Greg's. But if people follow Monica's advice, and move slowly, and are honest with each other, they can have a beautiful life together by overcoming the miles between them.

Answer 3

Call in sick and go home to see him--no one in your family should know about this for months to come. Sit face to face and talk this out. Issues can be addressed. A master's degree only takes a year or so if he's going full time.If you've got money, but no time, buy him tickets so he can visit you. Is he worried that you'll make more money than he does?

A career is a long term thing and may outlast a relationship. My husband died after 13 years, but my career has lasted 30. Career, NOT job, they come and go.

Answer 4

Do what you love, and money will follow.

If you two are mutually in love, then I'd give up the career, but that's me and my romantic heart talking. I figure that if I'm good at what I do, I'd be able to find a job doing what I do anywhere else, as well.

But before you give up your career and run back to Texas, make sure he feels that way too. Make sure that the long distance isn't just an "excuse" that covers up the real reason he wants to step away from your relationship.

I'd hate for you to wind up losing both your love and your career because you made a choice that he really didn't want you to make.

If, however, it really IS because you're too far apart, the fact that you'd be willing to move for him ought to speak volumes to him.

The other side of the coin is this: So what if he's studying for his masters? Is his school in Texas the only one that offers his degree program? If he really loves you and wants to be with you, couldn't he switch schools?

I once switched schools for a woman I loved. And I dropped out for another woman I loved. But that's just me...I act with my heart, not my head.

Good luck. Only you can truly answer your question, but those are the things that come to mind here.

EDIT: Sheesh, what's with all the thumbs down here?

Answer 5

Is there no way he can go over there when he finishes his Masters? Or, if you both really want this to work, why not both move to a new place and start fresh? Or see if your career has any offices in Texas? If your job is the priority, you must tell him and don't leave him hanging around. It's not fair on either of you.

Answer 6

you go home and sleep sometimes and takes a break from school sometimes. send him a plane ticket to come to you. at least he can be with you in the evening time and at lunch and wake up with you in the morning and after he finishes his schooling you can both determine whos going to live where together. the same career is all over maybe you can move closer or he can go to school closer. don't let it all be on you. he has to meet you half way in finding a solution and if he does not want to then he is to week of a man that gives up to easily.

Answer 7

You have to make a choice here. Which do you need or want in your life more, your job or your man. If your job is something that you can get back into again, if you are highly qualified, which you sound as though you are, it might be worth choosing your man, and if things don't work out, you can go back into the workforce doing what you did before.

Answer 8

I personally would take the Great job. If he loved you enough, he'd let you make your decision without even flinching. Maybe the only reason he takes your breath away is because of the frequency of when you see him - you don't see him everyday. How would you feel that once you see him everyday - it wasn't worth the great job you gave up for him? Take the job. There's a lot of other guys out there who will put the happiness of the woman first before their own.

Answer 9

If you leave, you will have a wildly successful career and will forever regret having left the man you love behind.

Your choice. I have a feeling you will choose the career. Money does not equal happiness.

Answer 10

Well, timing is off... You want your career and he wants his masters... I say keep in touch, and when the time is right, if you both still want to give it a go, then go ahead... Take care of what you need to, because let me tell you, after marriage and babies, there isn't much time left for Y O U.