christmas presents, am I being unreasonable?

Question

A group of my friends are doing a secret santa this year, it's not really secret as everyone knows who's got everyone else. I have got my present for my person and made a light hearted remark to the person who has got mine about how I can't wait for us all to swap gifts. She told me (in all seriousness) that she'd run out of time to get me a gift and that I'll have to wait until January. I don't want to sound rude but I can't help feeling a bit dissappointed. We always go out for lunch and swap gifts and I can't help feeling that I'm going to be a bit left out - being the one person there with nothing to open. Plus we drew names a fortnight ago, and I know she went Christmas shopping the other day. Am I being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed or should I just be greatful that I'm getting something, regardless of when. Also, at the dinner, what should I do when everyone's swapping gifts and talking about what they've got?

I don't want to delay giving the girl I've brought for her present as I know that she's brought her person a present and i doesn't seem fair that she's left out.

thanks for all the positive comments - I really thought I was just being rude!

Answer 1

WHEY HEY! I HAVE THE ANSWER!!!

FIRSTLY:- Youre absolutely NOT being rude here my love.
What a nerve this girl has?

Dyou know what I would do? I would. Seriously .
AFTER SHE HAS BEEN THROROUGHLY SHOWN UP you can suggest this ok?
Ask whoever has got HER gift to give it to YOU.. (hang on... mmm ... )
Cor that took some working out... but seriously THAT way you wont lose out. Let me get this right...ok? ... YOU are going to give YOUR GIFT. right? SOMEONE gives HER a gift. right. SHE doesnt give you a gift? right! SO if the one that was spoz to give HER gives to YOU then ... (help me here), that DOESNT leave anyone else out does it, ONLY HER?
Have I got that right?

Im sure the others would understand. And believe me if that is NOT what you decide to do, it certainly ISNT going to be YOU that looks stupid this christmas IT will be her

And DONT make the same mistake NEXT year of including her. She is one selfish b*tch in my mind.. Im not a christmassy pressie sort of person myself, but being so I would definately not get into something like this without EVERY intention of carrying it through.
How absolutely selfish of her, and NO youre NOT wrong to ask, So PLEASE DONT GIVE HER the satisfaction of thinking you are.

Answer 2

If I was you I'd just sit there the chances are she will feel more awkward than you in front of everyone, she has made no effort for you what so ever, I'd tell everyone in the group that she's left you out. I don't think your be unreasonable I'd be pretty hurt too, Waiting til January is very unfair when everyone in the group has made the effort to be ready for the lunch, chances are come January she wont even bother. Why didn't she pick you up something when she went shopping the other day just a little thing to open then pick you up a better thing come January??

Answer 3

You're not being unreasonable to be disappointed, but you must try your best to rise above it. Try not to get angry, or at least not to show that you are. Your friend is the one who is going to look a bit silly, but if you make any kind of scene about it, you'll risk looking just as bad as her over something that your other friends probably won't see as being that important, and then you'll end up looking and feeling even more left out.

As for getting a gift in January, why not suggest (in a good-natured way!) that she take you out for coffee or something in the New Year to make it up to you, instead of getting you anything. If your Secret Santas are anything like the ones I've been involved in, the gifts are usually token efforts at best, so you'd be better off doing something like that (and taking the time to reconcile your relationship a bit) than seeing it to the bitter end for the sake of being given a bit of tat a fortnight late!

You have to ask yourself whether this dinner really is about the gift ("[grateful] that I'm getting something, regardless of when") or having fun with your friends. If the whole is about what gift each of you has been given, I'm concerned that your friends' priorities aren't really in the right place.

Enjoy yourself!

Answer 4

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If she knew she wasn't going to be able to get you a gift on time, or couldn't afford it, then she shouldn't have signed up. That's the kind of commitment you make when you sign up for a santa exchange. It's also the reason that this year, I opted out of our office's exchange.

I think that it's very inconsiderate of this person to do this, but at least she was honest with you about it and is willing to get you something later. Perhaps she ran out of money and didn't want to admit to it, or maybe she wanted to find you something specific and knew that she wouldn't have the time... I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here, but I do think that she could have gone about it in a much better way.

As for how you can deal with it, just be cheerful and support your friends who do have gifts. Christmas is about more than just what you got that year, and your friends will be happy that you can be happy for them. Focus on making happy memories (surely the gifts aren't the only things you talk about?)! If it turns out that the friend who swapped with you really is giving you the short end of the stick, at least you will come out on top by being the nicer person.

Answer 5

No you're not being unreasonable, it's kinda harsh of her, but you ahve to put up with things like that sometimes, I suppose there's not much you can do about it without falling out with her.

But at Easter mr friends an I did a secret santa thing (or secret easter bunny woteva you want to call it) and the girl that was getting mine also said she ran out of time. That got me down but when I did get one a couple of days late it was a posh thorntons one which was worth the wait, so there's a possibility you'll get an even better present than everyone else.

And it'll make christmas last a bit longer for you!

x

Answer 6

If she knew that she could not get the other person a gift than she should not have joined in the activity. That is rude of her!!! You should look at the bigger picture and remember it is Christmas. It is better to give than to receive. Is she in trouble financially. Going shopping isn't an all day event. She can make it quick. If you are sure that she is being self centered about the whole situation.....tell her that you were thinking about giving to those in need this Christmas, and since she had no time to participate in the exchange you were going to donate the gift to someone in need.Just a thought.

Answer 7

I think that you are right to be a little upset. It kind of sounds like an excuse on her part. If she would have come to you and said she has absolutely no money until January or something like that then you would have to understand. It sounds like she is wrong. When you agree to do a Secret Santa you agree to buy a present for the person whose name you get. It's not fair that she will get a gift but didn't buy you one. You shouldn't feel left out but you have a right to be a little annoyed.

Answer 8

It is possible that she told you that to throw you off. I've done that before to friends to make my gift more of a surprise. I'd just wait until the day of the swap. If she really didn't get you a gift, pull her aside and tell her how hurt you are. Just keep it calm. Don't yell at her. And definitely don't do it in front of the group.

Answer 9

Okay, Here's my take on it:

If she doesn't want to participate and you've gotten a gift for someone else because you are partaking in it, then you should leave her out of the swap.

Talk to her about it first, but if she isn't buying a gift then the person who got her should get you instead.

That would make it fair for all parties concerned.

She doesn't get one but then she didn't give one so it works out and everyone who bought one will get one.

--Lee Ann

Answer 10

No your not being unreasonable at all - I'd be p*ssed off too. At the end of the day she shouldn't of got involved in the whole Secret Santa thing if she was not willing to buy a gift.