Is it really sex that men want in the affair?

Question

Is it that men don't want to talk to their spouse about sex and it's easier to find someone to have sex with? Or is it men need that new feeling of being attractive to other women?

Answer 1

Can be either or both of those, or something else...lack of communication is a big issue though, and some want the ego boost of feeling someone else wants them sexually...some just take advantage of sexual opportunity and don't care about their obligation to anyone else...

Answer 2

I never had an affair when I was married (or in any relationship). But if the opportunity had presented its self I might have been tempted. The last year or so of my marriage, sex and intimacy in general became a major problem. It got to the point where I had to push all the right buttons in just the right order or she would completely turn off or she was never interested to begin with.

If I had had an affair, it wouldn't have been for the sex per se. It would have been for intimacy in general. However, I do know there are many men (I won't say all or the majority) who simply would do it for the sex. But then it probably would be more of a hook-up rather than an affair.

Answer 3

Science says there are five basic categories to affairs: "empty nest affairs", "conflict avoidance affairs", "intimacy avoidance affairs", "Out the door affairs", and "sex addict affairs".

An empty nest affair happens late in life when the relationship was already dead, but was sustained for the children. Then the children leave the nest. The couple has no more commitments and ends their relationship.

Conflict avoidance occurs in couples who believe conflict is bad, and as long as everything goes smoothly, then they have a good relationship. However, conflict is inevitable in any relationship. One partner has an affair to get the attention of the other and say "Hey, this is serious, something's wrong here", because they can't verbalize this. The infidel often intentionally gets caught early on to bring the problems to the surface. If the problems continue unresolved, the infidel will often have another affair.

Then there's an intimacy avoidance affair. In this relationship, conflict is prevalent, the apple cart is often upset and an affair is another way to avoid really solving the problem and achieving intimacy.

Out-the-door affairs happen when one partner has already decided they want out, but they need the self-esteem and courage to do so. An affair is their transition out the door. They might often get intentionally caught, hoping their spouse will leave them.

A sex addict affair happens when one person is addicted to sex, and has affairs to meet their sexual needs only. Is any further definition or explanation necessary here?

I intentionally left gender out of my answer. Women have affairs for the same reasons men do.

Answer 4

Yes.
Secret sex is a high and powerful boost to an unsatisfying marriage or relationship.
It is a bonus if the women is also attractive, and knows all the right moves.

There's lots of web sites with women who want sex all the time - when the spouse is away at work.

Men have answered the calls and men want sex every hour with a different woman each time.

Answer 5

It's a lot of things, the need to know that he is still attractive, the fresh perspective, change of menu, sex...etc. But eventually the men will go back to his family because all those things are all contingent on him having a stable home. Because without it, the affair would not be as exciting. In other words, the affair is only exciting because it is an affair and not because it is love necessary.

Answer 6

Too general to say. Some seek only sex and men are better at keeping it sexual only without emotion (certainly not a justification). Some seek attention and affection they may not be getting at home. Others yet are looking for re-assurance of their self worth. I suspect a lot of the same reasons why women cheat.

But ultimately it is selfishness. If things are so bad in a relationship it is best to make all efforts to fix it. Once that is exhausted, then end it before moving on. If you loved them enough to marry or commit to them, have enough respect to close that chapter prior to opening a new one.

Answer 7

Think it is the thrill of being caught; doing something forbidden and the sex is a bonus to them. And yes, I do think that many will have an affair because they want to feel attractive again. That is why so many men have affairs in midlife.

Answer 8

I would like a woman that wants sex with only me as often as I want it and much, much more! Everything that goes with a relationship. It just seems that women don't want sex as much as I do. If a guy is thinking sex. He won't hear you talking, until you get the sex out of the way, THEN talk to him, he will hear you, loud and clear.

Answer 9

Sex does play a major role but is not all that they are looking for.
There are things that missing in his current marriage that he chooses to avoid or ignore instead of change them. Things could be like: affection, communication, ambition, passion, feel out of love, or even they might have grown apart.

Answer 10

Men who engage in affairs only want the sex. There are numerous reasons men AND women get into affairs and cheat. They're not happy in a relationship but are too cowardly to leave it and be alone. Low self-esteem and self-destructiveness. A simple lack of morals. Emotional problems that lead to impulsive behavior ; they like the excitement that goes along with such affairs; they are incapable of committing to just one person; many more I'm sure.