I have an unruly 13 year old stepson that lives at my house most of the time (22 out of 31 days).?

Question

He is very disrespectful and does not listen, I have talks with him often about his behavior. He'll be okay at first but it doesn't last long. His biological mother, who has him ~9 days/month, wants him to come to my house everyday after school because of her new job. She will pick him up at 6pm on those 9 days she's suppose to have him. She told my husband and he agreed without asking me first. My husband works 24 hour shifts, so he will not be around on those days. I love my stepson very much but this is putting a lot of stress on my marriage. I think his mom should take more responsiblity for her own son. What should I do?

Answer 1

That's the age he's in, and you're the bad one in his eyes, even though u're trying to be the best step mom and all, in his mind he's got his own mom and dad and you're nobody, at least for now, (he'll understand things better when he grows up, I was 13 when my parents got divorced and that's how I felt about the other people in my parents lives) Keep your cool, talk to him like you're on his level, try to understand what he's going through and explain to him that u're not trying to take his moms place that you just care about him and treat him like ur son. Try talking to ur husband to have a little talk with him on how to behave when he's not around, like to help out a little around the house and stuff like that, or when both of u are alone watch a movie of his choice with him. That should be fun. Good luck!!

Answer 2

Well, look at it this way, one day, your step son will respect you more than he does his own mother. And the bond you create between the two of you will be strong and one day you will be thankful you got this chance to be with him. No one ever said parenting is going to be easy. Especially a 13 year old. Luckily he is only 13. So suck it up and step up to the plate. The simplest instruction to discipline are 1) Set limits, make expectations very clear, and let him know the consequences, apply the consequences consistently. Find out what he does not like e.g. timeout. Give him a time out every time he fail to listen. Don't give up. Very soon he'll learn that you are serious and you won't ever give in or back down. Good for you, your husband is not there so he can't run to his daddy. Don't be mean, stay calm and be confident that your words are the law of the house. When he does listen, praise him and direct him towards a positive manner. It takes a lot of time, effort, and patience. But hang in there and don't give up. I'm still working on my 5-year old stepson, whose mother lets him run wild. But i'm not going to give up.

Answer 3

I am a step-mother and my husband got full time custody of his son when he was 12--10 years ago. Your husband had absolutely no right to agree t something without your input--how would he be if the roles were reversed--and to that poster who says husbands get to do that I say you are extremely inconsiderate of someone you profess to love--your wife. The whole daycare issue is not your problem--is your husband paying child support--if so this is the kind of stuff that it is supposed to help pay. And if I were you, I would make my husband stick up for you and put his foot down with this kid--it is, after, still your house too. Good luck--my husband eventually had to throw his kid out for physically threatening me and if it hadn't gone that way, you can be sure I'd be gone. Good luck

Answer 4

First of all you husband should not have made those arrangements without talking to you first. If your husband has not already done so, he should really have a sit down with his son. If he has and that didn't work then maybe the three of you need to talk. That way the son can see that you have his dads full support and be less likely to be disrespectful.

Answer 5

This is a discussion you and your husband should have, first with each other to come to an agreeable solution and then the two of you need to talk to his son together. He needs structure, discipline and affection and since you're the one who will be with him the most, your husband needs to tell his son that he WILL be loved AND expected to follow rules and to be respectful to you at all times. The boy needs to know that the two of you are together on what you expect of him and that if he fails to cooperate, there will be consequences. Then there needs to be follow-through...both positive and negative. It's fine for him to act like a 13 year old; it is never okay for him to be disrespectful!

Answer 6

I'd talk to your husband, after all, it's his son. Doesn't matter if he has those shifts, if he were my son, he'd better be listening to my wife. And the ex better know what's going on too. Plus, the kid is 13, not all that strange for the age. I'm guessing that discipline has been a problem for the kid from day one. Maybe all four of you sitdown and talk, and get things worked out.

Answer 7

You shouldnt do anything. His father needs to have a talk with him about his behavior. I am also a step parent and I have had my share of arguements with my 14 yr old step daughter. They can be stressfull. You seem to have done all that you can do. If the father does not talk to the boy and starighten him out then why should you have to put up with it? I know that sounds awful, but his biological parents need to step up here or it will just get worse.

Answer 8

that is a boy. he needs lots of activity. sports hobbys ect. you are the one who is going to have to step up and do this. if you do not the unruly 13 year old will become a 14 year old nightmare. you have a chance to stop this and help guide him into respectful young manhood. but it wont happen to him without guidance. read lots of books on teen child development, and never ever give up on him. tell him exactly what you expect from him, every day if need be. a 13 year old goes from nice or naughty to life or death by the time he turns 16. boys brains are impulsive and ill formed until they are 26. medical fact. he needs structure and guidance and love and security. period. if it is up to you so be it. if you commit yourself to raising him with excellence and love, you will end up with a wonderful young man, if he is thrown around like a resented football you will end up with all sorts of terror. your call. you married someone with a son.

Answer 9

sounds like you need to have a serious talk with your husband and let him know how you feel about the way he's going behind your back and making decision without you input and when your all to together have a sit down talk about the rules of your house and what will happen if they are not followed.

Answer 10

It is hard with step children because there is always that fine line.Your husband needs to be the one making sure he knows the rules and have consequences for him if they are broken. HE needs to understand that he cannot run over you and do as he pleases when your husband is around.....ever tried to get full custody since he is with you so much??