Feeling guilty...Did i do wrong?

Question

A couple days ago, one of my husband's friend from high school stopped by the house . And said she got into an arguement with her Mom in which she kicked her out the house along with her kids . Well my husband didnt even bother to ask me if it was okay with me for them to stay ..Which is the first thing that set me off . Then her kids caime rushing in , tearing things up, and the mom just sat there . I started thinking how stressfull it would be if they stayed longer than a day , so i knew i had to put my foot down and speak out. I was kind and nice , and told her that it probably wouldnt work out ,and she would be better off in a shelter ....I would normally not say this if it was a family member, or even a close friend ..but i hardly know this person. It just doesnt make sense for her to come and ask a married man , when she probably has other girlfriends that can help ...and this is not the first time she comes and ask for help ..So now iam feeling a bit guilty over the situation

Answer 1

Don't feel guilty. It is your home, and she basically is trespassing. I also find it odd that she had NO OTHER girlfriends to call up to help her out. A married man? Didn't even ask you as a woman if it was OK to stay in your house? Yeah, do not feel guilty, she has more serious things in her life going on if the only friend she could rely on is your husband.

Answer 2

You should have asked her to call her family or another friend instead of suggesting a homeless shelter. Can you imagine how you would feel if you and your kids had no where to go, especially right before the holidays? If you trust your husband, then this would not be a big issue. Set ground rules for the mom and kids so it won't be so stressful. So the kids tear up the house a little bit. What's more important, a messy house or helping another human being? The mom might just be upset about just getting kicked out of her home. I say treat others as you would want to be treated. Maybe you should become friends with this woman, too.

Answer 3

Don't feel guilty! Your husband should have discussed this with you before they were told they could stay. There should have been a time limit set on their stay that was agreeable to both your husband and you. This woman apparently has ongoing problems if her own mother kicked her out. You need to talk with your husband and the two of you can work together to find a place for her and her children to stay. Then tell her what arrangements you've made for her and move 'em out!!

Answer 4

Its okay, you did the right thing. Except you should've been more helpful and had more empathy by helping her find a place to stay. Another woman thats not family has no business living with a married man and his wife, bad things can happen when they're alone. For her to just let her kids tear up your house like says a lot about her level of morality. Maybe that'll wake her up and teach her some responsiblity.

Answer 5

Have you ever been to a homeless shelter. They are not very nice. I understand how you are feeling, but you need to be compassionate, how would you feel if you were in that situation. Would you want to be thrown on the street or sent to a shelter with your KIDS. If anything, as a human being for another human being, you could have at the very least tell her you would help he contact some other people she knows to find alternative arrangements. There are other options besides sending someone to a shelter, that is pretty cold hearted.

Answer 6

I don't think you're wrong to feel this way. In a perfect world, there would be no "religion," but only the "hope and love for humanity" that you speak of. Since we don't live in a perfect world, religious holidays have become merely cultural celebrations to SOME that can separate one religious group from another. I'm glad to know that you don't see things this way.

Answer 7

Quit feeling guilty, it's your house just as much as it is his and he should treat it as such. He was wrong in not disussing it with you first anyway and besides that no one should have to put up with and control someone elses bratty children especially during the holidays! Maybe she needs to get off her lazy bum and take responsibility for herself and her children instead of expecting charity. Does she even have a job? Where are her childrens father? Her father? Siblings or other "Female" friends?
So what if she argued with her mother...did her mother kick her out, I bet not, not unless it was the last straw.
I think you did the right thing if not a little harsh but maybe harsh was exactly what she needed.

Answer 8

oh don't you dare feel guilty about that you did the right thing your husband is the one that should feel guilty... i think he would not like if you had a guy friend come to your house and ask to stay with you and him so you need to let him know that you come first not a friend.. my mom always said never bring the third girl in your house your always asking for trouble....and yes she needs to find someone else to turn to instead of your husband... i put a stop to it right a way

Answer 9

Do NOT feel guilty at all. You handled this with much more maturity than your husband. You did absolutely the right thing. The ex-girlfriend of your husband was being rude for even coming to your house that way. You must have alot of self-respect and self-preservation going for you by not allowing someone to take advantage of you. Good for you!

Answer 10

You did the right thing, however you could have suggested she find a close friend or family member to stay with rather than tell her she'd be better off at a shelter. Who on earth is better off there? Other than that, it's good that you didn't continue in a situation that made you feel uncomfortable.