Will hubby warm up to baby soon?

Question

I am 7 weeks along and we just found out about the pregnancy about 2 weeks ago. A pleasant surprise. I am very excited for the baby, but my husband does not care and refuses to participate in conversations about baby stuff with me. He was even hesitant to go to the doctors appointment with me. He went out and bought a very expensive home theater system too. Is he just trying to live it up for the last time? Is he in total denial? How can I be SO excited and have to hide it around him so he doesn't burst my bubble?Has anyone else had this same problem? Will he get over it and start giving me the support I need? Should I move back home to be with my family who will support me? help! I am soooo frustrated!

We discussed having kids in depth before we got married, as well as before I went off of birth control. While we weren't "trying", we both knew pregnancy was a possibility and were presumably "ready" for children.

Answer 1

The first time he comes home from a long days work and a little baby is excited to see him... his heart will melt.

I know that's what happened with me. Because I grew up with lots of sisters, when we got pregnant for the first time, I was all geared up to have a baby girl. When it turned out to be a baby boy, I was quite disappointed.

Now he was still my responsibility, and I wasn't going to shy away from the responsibility. The the day he was delivered by C-section, I wasn't all googoo over him, I was more concerned for DW and stayed closer to her than the new baby.

But that first time I came home from work and Jr was all excited to see daddy, might heart melted. So I would unfortunately have to say I love my son because he loved me first.

I think the same thing will eventually happen with your husband.

Answer 2

Let's look at this from his point of view: did he have any say in the pregnancy, or was this baby "unplanned?" You said it was a pleasant surprise, so I am guessing you guys weren't trying for a baby. Here's what I know about guys- they want to feel financially, as well as emotionally, ready for fatherhood. True, he may not be the one who has to deal with morning sickness, back pain, and-eww-hemmorhoids, but guys have a lot more emotional turmoil than we give them credit for when they find out they're going to be dads. Did he have a bad experience with his own father? If he doesn't have a good relationship with his own dad, there's a good chance that he's apprehensive because he's worried about making the same mistakes with his kid as his dad made with him. He may also just be going through a denial thing where he doesn't feel ready or old enough to be a dad. You should try talking to him, not fighting with him, about his feelings about the baby. Just say, "I realize this is going to be a big change for you as well as me. What scares you most about the baby?" Let him know that there are some things that scare you too about this, so he won't feel all alone. Also, try not to get emotional or angry if he says he didn't really want a baby right now. He is just being honest. Just let him know that the baby is on its way and nothing will change that, but that you'll get through it together. Also, remind him that he has another 8 months or so before the baby actually gets here, and in that time maybe you can plan some stuff that you can start, like a baby fund, so you can be prepared when the baby finally arrives. Congrats! And don't be too hard on your man- he just needs some support.

Answer 3

My husband and I had been TTC our baby (by more his insisting than mine, as I had originally wanted to wait longer). When we found out I was pregnant, he didn't believe me. He thought the at-home test was wrong. It wasn't until a week and a half later after taking a test at the doctor's office that it sunk in at all. Through the first part of the pregnancy, he didn't seem to care one way or the other. I was upset because it'd been him that kept wanting to try sooner rather than later. However, when we went to our 12 week appointment, and he heard the heartbeat for the first time... he started crying (happy tears.) After that, he was more committed and excited. Though he didnt' get as excited or into as I was until the last few weeks.

Its hard to a pregnancy to feel as real to some guys. They aren't experiencing all the physical symptoms of pregnancy that is a constant reminder that we're making a baby. To a guy, a baby is something that doesn't happen for 9 more months.

Also, if this was unplanned, he is probably scared. He is having to digest how a baby is going to fit into your lives. He probably doesn't want to share his negative fears and emotions with you as he doesn't want you to think he's unsupportive. Him buying the home theater system was probably a reaction to a fear that he'll have no money or ability to do stuff for himself after the baby's here. But he'll learn that isn't the case.

Just be supportive. Try to understand that men process pregnancy different then women. After giving him a bit of space, if he still doesn't come around on his own... you may want to see if a close family member or male friend can talk to him for you. He may need to vent to the person not carrying his child.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

Answer 4

First, congratulations!!
As for your questions:
Yes, he could be trying to "live it up" while he can. Everyone knows that children are expensive and it's best to get it out of his system early. Still, I'd talk to him about saving for the baby and baby things.
He could very well be in some sort of denial. It's a BIG step going from husband to father. Unlike women, a man doesn't feel the child inside them growing and moving. Thus, they can feel very disconnected and the idea of the coming child can feel quite surreal. I'm sure he'll come around. My hubby was a bit standoffish at first too (not as pronounced as yours), but once he saw the ultrasound and the baby moving he really got with the program. Another big reality shaker is the first time daddy feels baby moving in your belly- my hubby actually cried!
Many people go through this. It's very normal. You two just need to talk about it. It's very early yet so I'd give him a bit of time.
I'm guessing that he will "get over it". It's only been 2 weeks since he found out. Also, it's quite odd for a guy to go to the dr appointments. They feel so left out and uninformed about things (like a woman going to the oil-change/car repair guy, I guess).
As for support, you're still pretty early. The big need for support will come later when your feet are swollen and your back hurts. A backrub from hubby is NEEDED at that time. Also, your hormones haven't quite kicked into overdrive just yet- another couple weeks for that. Try talking to him and getting on the same page in the mean time.
NO. Don't move out just yet. Give it time. You have 9 months. If he's still not improved or come around by like month 4-6 I'd reconsider. But again, TALK to him!!
Good luck. I'm sure things will turn around.

Answer 5

I am sorry that some people on here are so rude! Of course he needs to be there to support you. It doesn't matter if you are 7 weeks or 28 weeks! I think you should give him time and see how he handles it, if he ever does. But ultimately if he doesn't warm up to the baby then go have the baby around family. I guess I am not as understanding as most people because if the guy knew you were having unprotected sex then he should have known this would eventually be the outcome. It takes two to tango and it is time for him to stop thinking about himself. I wish you luck and I know everything will work out for you!

Answer 6

You need to talk to him and tell him what you just told us. That this is a very excited time for you and that you really need his support in this time. It is still early and he very well could be in denial. Just give it time and make sure that you keep the communication lines wide open. I am sure that he will warm up to the new baby soon enough. You will just have to be doubly excited until his excitement kicks in.

Unless there are other issues causing you to want to leave your husband I would not even take that into consideration at this point. You two are now going to have a child together and something like this should not tear you apart.

Congrats on the new addition to your family. I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

It may just take some time for him to come to terms with the fact that he is about to become a dad, which is a HUGE life change! I know my hubby was excited for the most part when we first found out that we were expecting, but he also admitted that he was a little scared too. Also, men won't feel the same "connectedness" that we as women feel towards our babies because they can't see or feel the baby, etc. My husband only came with me to my first doctors appointment and the ultrasound. It's not that he didn't support me, because he did that in many other ways, he just didn't feel comfortable in the doctors office. I'm pleased to say that he is an excellent father to our now 8 mo. old baby! Hang in there, your husband just may come around yet.

Answer 8

My husband wasn't really very into it the last two pregnancies either. He told me he wanted to be excited but he just wasn't. Don't hide your excitement. Keep it up. Maybe it'll rub off on him. My husband warmed up as soon as we went to the hospital to have the babies. That made it real for him. I'm sure yours will come around too. And remember, you're pregnant right now and it isn't a good time to be making any rash decisions about moving home! Stay with your husband. Just my opinion.

Answer 9

He could just be in shock. Give him a little time to adjust to the idea of being Dad. Leave a couple of books out about being pregnant and babies. Buy a couple of newborn outfits and let him see them maybe he'll step up as the Dad he should be. If he still is acting this way in a week or two be direct with him. Tell him you are this Babies Father I need your support and see what he says.

Answer 10

I think he'll come around but it'll take time for it to sink in. Don't give up on him he is your husband. If he becomes angry or violent then that would be reason to move back with your family otherwise wait and see if he'll warm up to you and the baby (might take til after birth) before making any big decisions of moving back with family.
Stay happy about the pregnancy and try not to let his bad attitude bring you down! If he sees how happy you are maybe after a while he'll lighten up to.