I am suppose to be getting married to my fiance in february. We already have 2 sons together and have been together 8 yrs. I am having concerns b/c we have had a lot of issues with our realtionship-it seems to be good now but i am worried I may regret taking this step and it will be to late but at the same time i love him more then life and i know he feels the same, we get along great and we are best friends and I dont want to hurt him by telling him im not ready b/c he is very much into this and committing to me. Shoudl I just trust him and give him the benefit of a doubt and take this chance? I mean if it came down to it-would it be such a big deal to divorce him?? I want to do whats right and i fugre we have been together this long, haev two sons-why should we still be calling eachother girlfriend and boyfriend-its tacky to me. I feel liek a highschooler when i tell people about my "boyfriend."
2007-12-18 04:58:37 · 17 answers · asked by Yellowtulips 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
the issues are he use to cheat and has a kid by the women he cheated with and I cant seem to get away from her drama-the other is he is a cocaine addict. He says he's done with that but i am worried of these thigns
2007-12-18 05:18:37 · update #1
Honestly I think you should have been married along time ago. I think it is a bigger decision to have a child than it is to get married. I think your children should have their already commited to each other parents married. I feel so sorry for a little that my daughter is friends with she is 10 and her parents live together but are unmarried and every time someone calls her Mom Mrs.??? she has to say that is not my Mom's last name well then the next question is is she your real MOm because everyone knows her and the Dad have the same last name and it is just too much confusion and explanations for a child. She always has to say they are both my real parents but they are not married. I also don't think yo ushould marry if there is already thoughts of the upcoming divorce.
2007-12-18 05:06:24 · answer #1 · answered by STLgirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are no guarantees with anything in life (expect death and taxes) so in essence everyone takes a chance. Marriage is work and the more you put in to it the more you get out of it. People watch to much TV and have a fantasy about what married life is "supposed" to be like. It's basically a commitment to put each other first, plain and simple, not easy but plain and simple!
This statement concerns me "I mean if it came down to it-would it be such a big deal to divorce him??" It should be a big deal but since you have two kids and been together 8 years it would basically put you back where you are now! I don't think your ready, you should be anxious and ecstatic to get married not be thinking about divorce and hesitant!
2007-12-18 13:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by Lv Dr. 4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eight years and two kids later, I wouldn't worry about being called boyfriend/girlfriend. If you heart isn't into it, just ask him to wait a little longer. I had some friends that lived together for 20 years, and everyone was surprised when they got married while on vacation in Las Vegas.They were divorced a year later. She said things changed after they were married.You can still buy a house together. And, if you are concerned, you could consult an attorney about making up a will without being married.Better tacky than divorced!
2007-12-18 13:10:20 · answer #3 · answered by Harley Lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your fiancee needs some help before HE makes this step. You have very good reasons to have cold feet, but you need to explain to him that he needs to get his addiction under control and be clean for some time before you make that step together and you should both go to couples counseling. Marriage is a lifelong commitment but before you make this step the both of you should be strong as individuals and right now it seems best if he focused on the addiction and you support him through this ordeal, if he doesn't understand how you feel and doesn't want to go to rehab or counseling you should postpone the wedding until then, because he may never deal with the issues unless he is forced to.
2007-12-18 13:40:45 · answer #4 · answered by JC 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look if you are keeping one foot in the door ready to jump ship, then YOU are not commited.
You have to be willing to let go of the safety net that you have had for 8 years ( freedom to walk away)
and jump with both feet, ready to take on all the bad with the good. If there has been too much bad already, and your not sure if your relationship could handle more.. don't get married.
2007-12-18 13:09:37 · answer #5 · answered by tutis000 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What are your doubts about? I mean marriage is a big deal..you shouldn't be saying 'Oh well..if it doesn't work out, we'll get divorce' Divorce is not supposed to happen! Even though it is so common these days. Be 100% sure you are making the right decision. But of corse..it is normal to have those doubty feelings soon before the big day! hehehe
2007-12-18 13:02:56 · answer #6 · answered by OverTheRainbow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It all balls down to what you are willing to put up with. If you feel you are willing to help him through his addiction and he'll stop at some point then marry him. If you feel you want to deal with his baby mama and all of the drama that comes with it....then marry him. But if you feel like you have done all you can do and one day you know in your heart that you are going to have to walk away from it all then do it now while he is still your "boyfriend" because its certainly alot easier to walk away now then it will be after a marriage. Someone told me once your blessing can't come in to your life if you keep the negativity in it.
2007-12-18 15:31:33 · answer #7 · answered by Danni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having kids is a bigger commitment than getting married. Marriage can be undone, kids can't. Life is full of problems. You will argue with your partner. They will upset you and you will upset them. If you love them, you work through the hard times, and enjoy the good times.
I personally married my wife because I got her pregnant, though I wasn't forced into it, I had already preposed before she feel pregnant any way, so it was just a natural step.
Marriage for me is a bond, and a sign that she is the only woman for me. As long as I wake up, wanting to stay in bed with her I know the marriage is working, and we work on our problems finding solutions.
2007-12-18 13:16:43 · answer #8 · answered by Dale P 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like cold feet. Well let's put it this way, your together 8years you have two kids. If you guys were to split up paper marriaged or not you'd still have to go through a divorce. To weed out the custody and the income/debt accumulated while together.
2007-12-18 13:04:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to do what's right?! You've already got it all backwards!
You love him more than life. Things are good now. You've been together for eight years, for crying out loud! What are you afraid of?
The sound you hear is adulthood calling. Set a proper example for your two sons, and finally do the right thing you should have done first.
2007-12-18 13:07:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋