Why Do Black People Sweep It Under The Rug?

Question

I have grew up in a family that had ALOT of problems. There has been incest, child abuse, spousal abuse, drug problems and I can keep going on. I didnt come from a good family.

The common thing I have noticed amongst other black families that I grew up around is that they will constantly sweep their issues under the rug. When I told my grandma I was molested she told me not to tell anyone. I knew that was wrong.

My grandmother said in Alabama black girls would get raped but they wouldnt tell anybody. She said its better to keep your mouth shut about family problems and other issues.

Can someone please give me some insight? Why do black people sweep their problems under the rug?
This is not in my head and I have seen this more than once. There is probably a very good explanation for this.

well I see that its not just Black poeple. Thanks for the honest answers.

Thanks for letting me see that these are individual family issues and not a cultural/color thing.

Well some questions are for black people and now I realize some arent. This site is used to gather information (thats what I have been using it for). There have been things I have been ingorant about and thats why I ask. I know enough about my race and no I'm not confused. So no need to get bent out of shape.

And in reality Hezekiah, I am not always asking questions about just Black people. And if I do, its because I cant ask Black people certain questions without someone getting mad. What's wrong with just asking a question? There's a reason why I use Yahoo to ask questions about us black folks because someone will give the exact answer that you have just given me.

Answer 1

My Dear, that happens with every race. I think sometimes people deny the problems in their families because of shame & embarrassment. It's sad, they somehow think that they're keeping their family together by keeping those shameful secrets, but in realtiy they're really causing the destruction of their family unit.

If you are an incest victim you should seek help and deal with those issues. If you keep it secret, it could happen to another family member. It will also cause you problems later in your life. Treat yourself well and get help. The only shame is not getting yourself help.

Good luck. 2D

Answer 2

I think this is more a matter of how you are raised than it has to do with color. If you are raised to ignore problems and refuse to deal with them, that's exactly what you do - and what you teach your children to do, and so on.

Probably in your grandmother's time, and well before it, there was no use seeking help from the authorities for rape or abuse, because police weren't likely to listen or do anything about it when the victim was black. It's so sad that so many people have learned to accept abuse as "normal" or "just the way things are."

I'm sorry you've dealt with all that you have. Don't let the attitude of those around you keep you from healing and leading an emotionally healthy life.

Answer 3

I have saw first hand other races sweeping things under the rug. I work at a hospital and there was a patient who had be diagnosed with cancer, about 3 hours later 3 different females were sitting in his room 1 woman was his girlfriend of 8 years and the other 2 were his wives i couldnt understand how they didnt know each other

Answer 4

Why do you keep coming on here asking questions about black people that aren't questions for just black people.You seem to think that black people are the only ones with problems. Every race has problems. For you to keep coming on here and asking all these racial questions about your own people makes me think you don't know your own race and are confused about yourself.If this is true than maybe you should sit down with your own family and ask why things are the way they are in your world. My family doesn't sweep anything under the rug everything ugly going on everybody knows about,even people not in the family.

Answer 5

I really don't think that is just a "black" thing. I know a lot of white families that do the same thing. I have a friend that was sexually harassed by her father in law. The family (including her husband) just wanted to look the other way. My aunt was molested as a child, and when she told her mom, her mom told her not to tell anyone. My BIL is psychotic and his family hides things that happen from everyone, and shelter him from judgment. I think people just don't want to admit that bad things are happening in their own family....so they pretend like it isn't.

Answer 6

My friend...from the heart I can tell you it is not just in the black race. My family is white..and does this same thing. I cant say that I came from as difficutly a background..but problems are problems none the less and it seems families have an easier time...denying and hiding their issues.

Answer 7

Regardless of what has happened in the past we will never learn to live peacefully unless we concentrate on the present. An eye for an eye makes the world go blind as they say. I think they should do away with "hate crimes". Every crime to kill someone whether it's a quick murder or a tortuous painfull process, is born of hate.

Answer 8

It isn't strickly confined to the black race. This happens in all races. This happened in my family as well and I'm white. I believe that these things need to be brought out into the open if you want any of these things to heal. That's what I did.

Answer 9

I am white, and my family does the same thing. My family is way screwed up, and yet they all act like everything is perfect. I am not sure why...my grandmother told me that I should respect my elders, especially my parents, regardless of what they have done to me.

Answer 10

it's not just black people hun..it's different enviroments/circumstances and etc...but i have to agree that 50% of blacks sweep their issues under the rug as oppose to handling them...it's b/c they choose to forget amd ignore then to take and handle the problem....so...some decide to act as if it never happened...as a defense to not deal with it