My parents have been married for 26 yrs now...for more than 3/4 of their marriage my father has cheated on her. She took to much bull**** from him. We thought he had changed his ways for a couple of years but he is doing it again. As her daughter I want the best for her.I think their marriage is toxic. I personally believe they r better off divorce..now they r on the verge of a divorce n i am stuck in the middle. I love my dad but as a man he isn't good enough for her. Its really taken a toll in my lfe. I am behind my mom 100% but i don't want my dad to think i favor my mom more than him. I feel pity, anger, and love for him at the same time. I am on a verge of an anxiety attack. I dont know what to do????
2007-12-18 04:35:55 · 20 answers · asked by nydp02 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just be there for you mom... It is awful what your dad has done but that part of their relation is between them. Of course it has affected you as well but when it comes to what she needs to do - that is all up to her. If it was me I would let her know that she deserves better. Most importantly, you love and support her. Your father will realize you love him even though you don't agree or appreciate what he has done. You love the person not the actions...
Hey, the world is not on your shoulders to carry... let go a little bit and realize you are not alone. There are a lot of us that this has happened to.
2007-12-18 04:43:32 · answer #1 · answered by mazotti1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know just how you feel! My parents finally got a divorce, (Mom was the one cheating), and I let them put me right in the middle of it! The key word is, I "let"! You have to let them both know that you love them but that they are driving you NUTS!! Believe me, this is going to be hard to do!! I tried so hard to be there for the both of them and in the process, my own marriage took the hit!! It didn't take me long to step back and re-evaluate the situation!! I now tell them if they want to see me, I will not talk to Mom about Dad or talk to Dad about Mom. If they want to know something about the other, there is a phone!! You have to let them know you are their daughter, not their marriage councilor!! Be there for them and love them with all your heart!! Just don't let it be unhealthy for you! Good Luck honey!!
2007-12-18 12:48:49 · answer #2 · answered by Trea (pron.tree) 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Support your Mom, and tell your Dad you love him... No matter what he does or did, he is still your Dad... But, your Mom needs you more than ever... She has gotten handed a bad set of cards and has played them to the best of her ability. To top things off, she may have only stayed for the benefit of her children. A lot of families go through that. Just be there in any way you can help her and remember, they shouldn't be putting you in the middle... So kindly remind them of that.
2007-12-18 12:40:43 · answer #3 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, it's not your problem, I know that you feel that there must be some way for you to help. But, quite frankly there is not . The thimg is that they are both adults. That being said you should not worry about the situation between them . I know that my answer may sound a bit callous perhaps even bordering on cruel but, sugar mommy is a big girl now. Let the situation run its course. Their problem does not concern you.
2007-12-18 12:48:49 · answer #4 · answered by robert s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What YOU need to do is take yourself out of the middle of this fracas. It's not your responsibility to try to work things out between your mom and dad - it's THEIR job.
Here's something else. And even though it's awful - There has to be something in there that makes your Mom hang on to your dad despite his infidelity.
What's more important - is to refrain from any kind of judgment at all - Your dad is what he is - and your mom is what she is. It's not your job to FIX whatever their problems are - and that they're putting you (and you're letting them) in the middle of this mess is a testament to both of them being really messed up.
And they're trying to mess you up too.
Your best bet is to be the broken record - Mom, you know I love you - and I understand that Dad is a rat for treating you this way - but it's your problem to solve. It's not mine. Don't make it mine. I refuse to take sides.
And to your Dad - Dad I love you - but what you're doing to Mom is really awful and you really absolutely must deal with this situation once and for all.
And to BOTH - I won't judge either of you - but I simply WILL NOT participate in this matter any more. Oh and by the way, have you considered how it's really lousy of BOTH of you for putting me through this? You BOTH should be ashamed of yourselves.
2007-12-18 12:57:39 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not your battle. You might think your mother is better than that, but she did not for 26 years. It is up to her to love herself enough to leave.
You are not choosing sides, you are just hurt that your dad cheated on your mom. You would feel the same about your mom if the roles were reversed.
2007-12-18 12:40:59 · answer #6 · answered by kittykatsback 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I find it very good that you are worried about your parents, but you need to understand that all those things are their own lives, the decisions each one of them make are theirs and not yours. You have to love and respect both of them just tha same way, they're humans, they make mistakes, but they are your parents and i am sure they want the best for you.
Aditionally you're too young to worry about those issues, you will have similar situations during the course of your life. Try to focus your life into your own needs and desires and watch them "from outside" give them love that's all you can do, and let them know about your sincere feelings. Good luck!
2007-12-18 12:45:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let them figure it out and tell them both that you love them and that you want things to work out for them both. It sounds like they will both be better off on their own, your dad will be able to do whatever he wants and your mom won't have to tolerate it. So it really does seem like this is for the best for everyone. You don't have to be on one side or the other.
2007-12-18 12:41:28 · answer #8 · answered by mrskerlin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to separate yourself from the situation. Their relationship doesn't involve you personally. You have no say in their actions and they are grown adults. Tell them both that you love them dearly and that you are not going to get involved. Be honest and open with your feelings with both of them. Tell your mom what you think and then tell your dad. It won't be easy, but they will accept your choice. And trust me it will be the best for everyone.
Good Luck.
2007-12-18 12:41:08 · answer #9 · answered by mamabee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him how you feel. The longer you bottle it up the worse it will be. Start with - Dad I love you. I want you to know that. You also need to know that I have no respect for the way you've treated my mother and I'm really angry with you about all of this.
2007-12-18 12:40:27 · answer #10 · answered by AGC 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋