My wife of 2 years might be gay. She does not know if she wants to be with me or her girlfriend... help!!?

Question

she told me a long time ago she had gay feelings since she was about 12 years-old. she has recently started having sex with other women only to experiment. and i have been ok with it. but now she tells me she might be gay. she craves the attention and emotion of a woman,something i cannot give her. her craving is enough to cause her to think about our marrage. it is more intense when she has sex with her.
I have been ok with it this whole time ive let her have sex with a woman she really likes in my house in the next room. i just want her to be happy. her lesbian partner is really nice and is concerned with me and my feelings.
i can not seem to get ahold of my feelings. i end up pushing my wife to her friend when i bring up issues i have such as her spending all her time with her and her not giving me any attention.
i really dont know. i dont want to lose her but i dont want to be married to a gay woman. what do i do? what can she do? is there anything i can do to keep my wife?

ok to those saying i need join in on the sex... her friend is a lesbian, not at all interested in men. I let her do this so she can figure out her feelings as to whether or not she is gay or how strong it is. please do not think i am weak or afraid. i love my wife with all my heart and i dont want to leave her unless she KNOWS she is gay. she doesnt know honestly.

Answer 1

Help? You want real help here?

Just let her go.

Answer 2

I feel sincerely bad for you. If her feelings are truly the way she says they are, then there isn't anything that you can do about it if she is a lesbian. Women and men are obviously different and if she feels she belongs with a woman, that is some soul-searching she's done and that may be who she really is. Her desire for women goes way beyond great orgasms. It is sad for you, and being a lesbian myself, the only good news I have for you is that you are not to blame for this. Even if she didn't experiment with women, her deep feelings and attractions for them would still be there. She may have even cheated on you if she felt that strongly about being with a woman. Please don't believe you did anything wrong or made any mistakes by giving her the freedom to do what she did. I am sure you are man enough for a woman, but you need to be with a woman who wants to be with a man. I know you thought you had that, but life has no guarantees. You took a chance when you made those marital vows and that's part of what life is all about. I think you seem like a very decent, good-hearted man with an open mind. Please don't think those qualities are a downfall, and please try not to hate gay people, too. You both deserve to be happy, and even if you have to pursue a different relationship, you deserve the best. If she ever believes she IS a lesbian, then I really wish you the best of luck in finding a partner who is on the same page as you. It sounds like that might be where this is going.

Answer 3

I would ask her to do a favor for you. Take a break from the other woman (a absolute total break, just you and her for a time). I would then make way in your busy schedule for her. Get rid of any hobbies and anything else that is not absolutely necessary.

This woman is apparently meeting a need that she is not finding with you. It looks like emotional and social understanding and interaction, and sexual pleasure.

I would say Jesus is truly the answer as he has been for myself and many others. I know that he can build and restore marriages, and fulfillment our deep needs and desires. Secondly, and primarily for some, communication is so important in a marriage. Your wife, and many women really need a best friend that they can communicate and share with. Men can be that best friend, and it makes the relationship so much more deep and special. See if you can spark that by going out to dinner, see a movie, take a walk along the beach.. Communicate with her about your sex life. What does she like, have her show you.

Answer 4

Your wife obviously is paying more attention to her wants and not yours. Selfish feelings are not good for a marriage. If she wants a woman, let her have a woman. There are plenty of straight women out there looking for a straight man. Go look. I'm sorry to say, but it just doesn't seem right to be in a situation like that. The only way to preserve your marriage would be to somehow change her mind or you turn into a woman. I don't think either idea is possible. Adultery is adultery. Why did you marry a lesbian? Yuck!

Answer 5

Maybe you need to get out of your room and quit being pissed, and go next door and get involved in the sex there. She might find that appealing, if she does seriously enjoy your sex but just wants "more". You have already opened the door to allow her to have another sexual relationship, which you now don't like. So either get more involved in that relationship, and get used to 3 somes, or accept that you and she need to honestly discuss your future together. If there is no real future, then don't waste time, dissolve the marriage and move on. There are others out there you can have long monogamous relationships with, and won't be straying. Hopefully there are no children involved, and for the time being, I would insist on birth control until the relationship status has been determined.

Answer 6

Ask her to go into counseling and that if she is gay, you will have to accept there is nothing you can do about that. You can still have her in your life, maybe you could all be room mates until you find someone straight to spend time with and still be friends even though the marriage did not work out well. She is the one that has to make the decision though, so just be patient with her and spend time with her more as a friend than a husband so that she still can remember her loving feelings towards you even if they aren't sexual right now.

Answer 7

You pushed your wife towards another person (never mind that person is a woman). This isn't about men and women relationships or women and women relationships. This is about honoring a marriage or any committed relationship. Straight or gay. This is about monogamy. None of which is in your marriage. You should have never suggested she experiment sexually with ANYONE. You should have never pushed to toward ANYONE when she was upset. The girlfriend obviously provides her with everything you do not, and I don't just mean sexually. She is her partner now, her friend, her lover, someone who listens to her and cares about her, that's where you lose unfortunately. Those are the things you should have been.

Answer 8

unfortunately there is not much you can do to keep your wife if she really feels this way. if she feels she would be more happy as a gay woman than the best you can offer is to support her decisions---which it seems you already have. you could remain in her life by staying a close friend because no matter who she is having sex with or dating--the bond that you had that lead you to marriage is still there. i guess time would be the best thing. you could also try to sit her down and tell her that no matter what you love and support her---but that you need her time or attention too.

Answer 9

If you're not interested in a polyamorous relationship with your wife and this other woman, I'd say your marriage is already over. If you can handle your wife having a partner on the side, maybe you can stick it out for awhile. But if you tell her to decide, it sounds to me like she's going to pick the other woman. I'd say it's time to move on. Sorry about that. Good luck!

Answer 10

To make things interesting you could always dress-up as a girl & join your girlfriend & her friend for a threesome and see what happens. If your wife sees that you're willing to to have fun & help her enjoy her fantasies, you should be able to keep her & have the sex life that most of us dream about. Give it a try & if things don't work out, then tell her it's time to make a choice & take things from there.


jk

Answer 11

Your sanity is at stake here. If you can not deal with her being with an other "lover", You have to move on. If you don't want a divorce, then maybe a separation is in order. Maybe in the time spent apart, you both may find that it was just a fling. If not, then I think it would behoove you to seek other means of gratification, and love as it were.I am sorry for your loss. But that's just me!!! Good luck.