problems with sister in-law?

Question

Not too long ago I got married. My sister-in-law was causing me problems before marriage as well as after. Aparently she does not think it will work out between me and her brother because of the age difference. And aparently she believes that the fact that she thinks this way gives her right to intrude on our life and insult me. There are three things that bother me the most

1) She speaks to my husband in front of me in a foreign language which I happen to understand and I know that she is speaking about me in a third person, saying things that are not nice. After she is done, she starts speaking english to me and is acting very friendly.

2) Whenever she comes over, she criticizes my housekeeping skills, even though I never claimed to be a housekeeper, I am a career woman. She'd walk into the kichen while I am peeling vegetables in the sink and say something like "what the hell happened here?" I feel a lot of pressure every time she comes over. The funny thing is that my mother-in-law never does anything like this, the only thing she does is offers help with cooking or serving the table.

3) Whenever my husband and I visit the in-laws, his sister either tries to lure him away from me with lame excuses or gets mad at him and hisses "You are not helping with anything!" Why should he help? He does not live there anymore. I used to try to encourage him to help out but now I won't. If he decides to help she should be grateful, but she cannot demand help in my opinion

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with my situation? Is there anything I can do to minimize the hostility or to fix my relationship with her? I love my husband and she is his sister, so I'd want to build good relationship with her. I tried everything but it does not seem to work.

Actually neither myself nor my SIL are Indian. I posted the question here by mistake. Sorry guys:)

I am actually 9 years older than my husband. I guess this is her issue

Thank you for the kind words. I am going to speak to my husband again and will try to make sure we are on the same page. I really want this marriage to work

I spoke to my husband and it turns out he did speak to her with zero result. I did the only thing I can think of - asked him to keep her away from me and not to ask me spend time in her company.

Answer 1

Just remember, he chose to be with you.If he cared about what his sister thought, and valued her opinion, he wouldn't be with you.Does he know how she is treating you? He should not just stand there and watch, he should at least try to stick up for you! And also remember, she does not have a lot of influence over what the rest of his family thinks about you, and be happy that it is his sister who does not like you, instead of his parents.Some ppl are really hard to deal with and get a long with, but I suggest that you try to be as patient as you can, and hopefully she will grow up one day.

Answer 2

The truth is, I commend you for being the bigger person and for respecting her even though she has been rude and difficult towards you...You didn't say how far the age difference is bewteen you and your husband which doesn't matters because you are acting like the mature person here...I honestly feel like you have done nothing wrong but support and love your husband which she should be happy that her brother is happy...Don't let this become an issue between you and him...If she wants to continue to play these childish games then let her but, don't feed into her...I'm sorry to say but, you and your husband need to stick together because she needs to know she can't disrepect you, him or your home if she wants to be apart of it...It's sad she chooses to treat you and to live her life this way towards you but know you are a better person with or without her in your life...I wish you all the best and I hope she realizes all the mistakes she has made but, if not its her lost if she doesn't because I'm sure you are a GREAT sister in law let alone person....

Answer 3

One, make sure your husband understands how much you appreciate him sticking up for you. A lot of husbands would have blown it off. Two, tell him that while you are offended by what they did and you agree it was totally unacceptable behavior on their part, it was not so grave an offence as to warrant breaking all communication. This is about how they invaded *your* space, so if you're willing to continue contact, it seems kind of silly for your husband to push the issue. On the flip side, it may be reasonable to ask for their keys back so it doesn't happen again. Your husband might say something like "Sisters, I love you all very much, but what happened the other day was really, deeply inappropriate. I really don't want my wife subjected to that again, so I think for the moment it would be best if you would give me back the keys to my house. I still love you. You're still welcome here, but that can't happen again."

Answer 4

Let her be. I have realized that publie memory is short. Over time these things ease out.

However, do not change your behavior. Continue to be nice to her. Tolerate her when she comes over. Minimize contact with her so that your peace of mind is not affected.

Lastly, make it known to the family subtlely what a ***** your SIL is. Enumerate some instance and say "now, that was a very funny way to behave..."

Let the family communicate to her how badly she is behaving.

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

1. They both speak English (your husband & sister in law) Your husband needs to tell her that she is being rude and disrespectfull to you by doing that infront of you.

2. Let her know next time she criticizes hand her a pair of gloves and some cleaning products and tell her to get to it.
So either clean or shut up.

3. As far as her games your hubby needs to put a stop to problem # 3.

Answer 6

hi i understand u nicely. ur mom in law seems nice . their different way u can try like i did and it worked in 2,3 stage
1 when she say say ur no good tell her to show how to do make her do something. tell her u know the 2nd language. so when she say some thing point her out the same time in present of ur husband nicely.
2 tell ur mom and husband how u feel , let them talk .tell them u donot want to talk about this , she might fell bad
3 if nothing happens then u talk to her nicely, try to ignore her
4 TALK TO HER.
she is sister in law u canot directly say her anything and u donot want to ruien rship so start nicely.other wise it will be frustred and effect ur marriage.make sure u tell each and every small thing to ur husband even if u said something to mom or sis.
best of luck

Answer 7

Tell your husband about her, she's his sister not yours. You don't have to mingle with her all the time and if she can't accept you as her SIL, then to hell with her. Next time she comes inspecting the cleanliness of the house tell her to clean it up herself, it isn't her house and she can very well go out the same way she came in. Don't allow yourself to be treated badly inside your own house.

Answer 8

Kill her...
























... with niceness. No seriously! The meaner she gets, the nicer you get. Make a game of it. In time it will drive her crazy and you will be the one having all the fun.

Merry Christmas.

Answer 9

Start silent treat,,,don't say nothing,,let her do what ever she wants.count her in your life as a mentel case,,,you know your husband loves you what else you want,,,best part he know truth about her.don't worry about her and her behaviour be happy with him and enjoy your married life.

Answer 10

do not talk to u'r husband on this issue as he may not believe u he can even blame u and support his sis try to resolve this issue on u'r own, ..... create problems between u'r husband and sis in law ............... u cannot fix a good relationship with her............... better throw her out from u'r married life for this create situations that this job is done by u'r husband ............... it really works !!!!!!!!!!!!! if u'r mom in law is good to u.......... try to turn her towards yourself and against u'r sister in law