A question for married couples?

Question

I am a recent newlywed. As such, there are several facets that my wife and I are encountering that neither of us necessarily expected.

One of these such facets is the fact that she talks to her mom everyday. Allow me to explain.

First, I do not in any shape or form want to segregate her from her mom. I love her mom and her relationship with my wife. However, my wife never left her mom's house until we were married. I am worried about this, because I feel as though my wife hasn't really left her parents. For example, when we do go over to her parents house (they live ~2 miles away btw) she will still act as if she lives in the house.

What makes things worse is when we disagree. I feel that I'm fighting on 2 different fronts sometimes.

I have heard that it's hard to let go of your children, but it seems to me that at some point if you don't allow them to break away, it can't be a healthy thing. In nature, there is always a time for the young to leave their parents.

Thoughts?

Answer 1

I think it's time she left the nest...I would go see my parents often when I first got married, but now that I've been married 2 years I only go see them once every 1-2 months (we live around 25 miles from my parents). I'd say over time she'll probably separate more from her mother, but since she's a newlywed and there's a lot going on, give her time.

Answer 2

Your wife should not act like a child if she wants her parents to treat her like an adult. This means that, for example, she should not go to her parents for money. Nor should she plop down on the couch and put her feet up like she lives there. She is now a guest, a close guest, but still a guest.

What do you mean you feel like you are fighting on two different fronts? You mean you argue with your wife and also with her mom? There is no reason why you should be arguing with her mom about anything. If it has to do with your relationship with your wife, then it is not her business to intervene.

As a new couple you should be making your OWN life. Own bills, own place to stay, own money, etc. It is what will make you two grow. Her parents are there to share the good times with you and to give advice and counsel as you two move forward with your own lives. They are supposed to be in the audience, not on stage.

Living so close together has got to be hard. I find it's better to be about an hour away--enough so you can meet for lunch but not enough for people to drop by unannounced.

I know a girl who has been married for years and every day will talk with her mom (literally) over two hours. This is not an exaggeration. It has caused a problem with her husband because she is spending too much time trying to be her mom's little princess and not enough time trying to be a good wife.

Answer 3

I think, based on their closeness, that the communication between your wife and her mom is to be expected. Breaking ties between parents and children, no matter what age, is pretty tough. There is nothing wrong with a daily call. The only time I would get upset by this, and mention it, is if your wife is asking her mom to help her make decisions with regard to the marriage or things that she should be talking to you about. You are her husband and your home and marriage are yours and hers.

Answer 4

I had the exact situation almost to the letter, except we really never fought. Just give it time, being newly married is an adjustment of change and maybe she needs to step back every now and again for nostalgic reasons. I get along with my wife's parents very well and that helps. Just give her time and patience and you will be a stronger couple for it.

Answer 5

If your wife wants to spend time talking/ visiting with her mother then you should support this. This is what she wants to do. Don't deny her wishes.

However, you must speak up about the things that you want to do. She should support you in this.

Then discuss what the two of you will be doing for the day. That way, you'll both get what you want.

Disagreements are with her. Don't worry about where she gets her reasonings from.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Hard one brother, my wife left home at 16 now is 32 and try getting the phone out of her hand...'Who you talking with?'
'Mum.' She replies and ignores me again.
Just the way it is I think, I would seriously urge you not to push it, you'll only create heart ache for yourself. I bet her mother will get bored of it sooner rather than later, parents usually love their kids but once they leave the house they sense freedom again.
If you push it it won't be pretty, my advice is grit your teeth and let it run its course there are worse things that will come up over the years, believe me.
Best of luck

Answer 7

Let her grow man, sure theres things maybe she would like to change about you. It takes time to go from a life from birth to changing, be happy that they have a good relationship unless it starts getting personal within your family, like if your mother in law muddles in all of your bizz, then 6 yrs down the road yes something needs to be said....

Answer 8

Don't worry, everything is fine! She just needs to slowly transition, that's all.

And of course she acts as if she still lives in that house when she visits. You probably do the same at your parents house. That's normal.

Answer 9

Relax and do not be one of these husbands who makes thing into problems that are just annoying.

You said so yourself, the two of you are newly weds. How long did she live with her parents?

Ok. Now give her some time to adjust to her new life and build a life with you.

Merry Christmas.

Answer 10

I am close with my mother. I talk to her every other day. My husband says to me, it just shows him how important I feel family is.

For me - friends come and go, family will always be there until the end.