why do i feel this way?

Question

i am a 28 year old male i have for the past ten yrs. had dream's
of killing my self or getting killed and for the past 6 yrs. i feel like my life is not worth living.
why do i feel this way i can not stop thinking about death and can not shake the feeling of killing my self every day that goes by it get's stronger and stronger my willingness to live is getting weaker and weaker.
could it be because my life is crap i can not get a decent job or make friends in real life plus i am very over weight.
for the past 5 yrs. i have tried to lose the weight but can not lose more then 30 pounds of it i feel trapped in a world of anger hate and lies.
i lie to my self and tell my self i am fine nothing is wrong with me but please if anyone has any ideas as to what is wrong or how to fix this please tell me.
i am also tired of being alone so could that be the prob?
i am really shy so talking to people face2face is out of the question especially of the opposite sex.

Answer 1

I think you have a classic example of major depression. You're explaining common symptoms and you need two things to change.

1) Your feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
2) The circumstances of your life.

But the problem is that the two reinforce each other.

If you have health insurance, contact them and ask where you are covered to receive mental health services, and then schedule an intake evaluation at whatever clinic will be reimbursed by your insurance company. They will ask you a variety of questions and, barring anything undisclosed here, will probably recommend a combination of antidepressant medication and individual therapy. It sounds like life sucks for you. I'm really sorry to hear it. But no reason to stay here any longer. I think you need to start with square one and work to force things to get better.

As to your question, there is really no sure answer. Some people call it a "chemical imbalance" in your brain. Not enough serotonin, so they say. Others say that your life events have discouraged you and left you in this negative cycle. Whatever the case, people all over the world recover from depression and its related struggles every single day. A very small proportion of people end up killing themselves, and I believe most of them find that it's a good thing they didn't. There's hope even when you don't believe so.

Answer 2

Hi Pointer,
What are the chances we will meet if we keep this way of feeling and thinking up? You've guessed it, I am the very same way. I have had a good life, been a lot of different places and have had long term relationships, that I have destroyed, I drive a nice car trhat will soon be repossessed.
I let myself be used by people just so that I can have a decent or desirable moment only to feel 10 times worse a little later.
Only reason I think I am still around is, my mom. I can't hurt her this way. I want to get in my car and drive and drive, maybe to New Mexico and there I would drive right off a mountain, or jump off. Hopefully animals would find me and not leave a scrap of evidence and my mom will just think I left.
What hurts me the most and makes me sad is how you feel.
You see I simply think that I don't like this planet school and have nothing to offer or learn anymore. You are suffering because you want to be a part of a certain society that only cares for accomplished, skinny, popular people. I am glad to tell you that there are more people like you, in your catagory, then not. You have held yourself back from having friends. Your job is better then no job. Loosing 30 pounds is extreme, no matter what you weigh, that's accomplishment. You are a Superbeing because you are always thinking of what you want to improve and make better for yourself. You have a will.
I who have had a great life have no will, only God can help me now.
God bless us all...

Answer 3

I have to agree with your first contributor. You have major depression. On top of that, having no friends, being over weight and being too shy to get out in the world and find things to do to make yourself happy all will contribute to your being depressed. I know, I've been there. There was a time when I thought of committing suicide 25 out of 30 days a month. I went to tons of doctors. Psychiatrists, therapists and psychologists. This went on for more than 25 years. I finally found a Dr. who helped me. No meds would help because I had PTSD along with major depression. I still have days, months actually that I don't leave the house except to go to the Dr. but I rarely think of suicide now. I have major illnesses that don't have a cure and one illness that no doctor will treat because it is so bad there is no treatment left to try. All treatments have failed and I may die any day but I am alive today and tomorrow will take care of itself. There is help and hope for you. You may have to see many doctors till you find one that can help you but life is worth living when you are no longer depressed. Find a Dr. today and get started on your new life. After living this way for so long, don't you think you deserve to be happy. You can be, believe me.

Answer 4

okaay ..this attitude has got to STOP !!
if you keep convincing yourself that you are nothing,ugly,fat,or worthless,STOP !! because you are unique and special,you're a human being with degnity and feelings,and you deserve everything good in this life ! but you just have to be more openned ! you are over weight and you eat to much because you always find comfort in food,you say everyone else rejected me but food did not,and you say that you are shy and not out going,thats another reason that you are over weight,you can loose weight,i know you can !! but you cant do it alone !! go to a doctor and let him put a diet schdule diet for you and you have to work on it !! i see the old me through you..but ive changed,i did my best to !!i know you are now reading this and think its impossible...impossible is NOTHING !! you just have to believe in yourself and put your mind into doing this ! maybe its your looks thats giving you this low self esteem ! so change it as i told you before and you are going to feel the difference and change your look about yourself ! and when you gain confidence you are going to make it through !!
~ Believe In Yourself ~
ill pray for you sweetie
good luck i know you can do this !!
x nat x

Answer 5

The "advice" some have given here saying "just stop it" is completely worthless.

You need help in dealing with this.

You are NOT the only person to feel this way, and there are people who have helped others and can help you.

You need to seek professional help from a therapist or psychiatrist. Please, please do so.

It may be your past, or it may be bad chemistry: either way, you can get beyond all this, with help.

Do it.

Answer 6

I WAS JUST WATCHING TELEVISION AND I SAW THE FACE OF A WOMAN WHO IS BEING CHARGED WITH BIGAMY. I THOUGHT TO MYSELF IF A WOMAN WITH AN UGLY PUSS LIKE THAT CAN FIND TWO HUSBANDS ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. LISTEN ALL THE PROBLEMS YOU HAVE ARE FIXABLE. THE APPROACHES YOU ARE TAKING JUST DONT SEEM TO BE WORKING. DONT TRY AND STRAIGHTEN THEM ALL OUT AT ONCE. WORK ON THEM ONE AT A TIME. EVENTUALLY THINGS WILL IMPROVE.THE SOLUTIONS ARE OUT THERE KEEP LOOKING. BEST OF LUCK BOB

Answer 7

you may be going through depression.. see a consluar... STOP THINKING OF GOING SUICIDE!!!!!!!!!