Guys i need advice please asap?

Question

Ok me and hubby have a 4month old son together who we love very much. We recently got into a fight He said something that is just now clicking. That all i do is take care of the baby. I do. So I realized that i really havent been giving him the attention he deserves all of it is on our son. I use to do nice things and make him know that he is my everything.since the baby i haven done none of that but have mood swings. So today i ironed his shirt and made him coffee someting i haven done in forever and i can tell that he liked it. I really need a mans point of view. Has any man been through this How did it make you feel and what can i do to make it right again between us. I can tell that it has affected our relationship. We love our son dearly though its just i haven been attentive at all. and im just now seeing it.

Answer 1

it happens all the time. all you have to do is make an effort to do the little things that you used to do for him.

Answer 2

I know you said you wanted guys to answer but I have to tell you that I did the same thing myself when our daughter was born 25 years ago. I've learned a lot since then so I wnated to tell you how I worked it out. After I discovered what was bothering my husband I, like you, did some soul searching. The first thing I reccomend that you do is tell your husband that you realize now that you have been neglecting him since the baby and you appreciate the fact that he could tell you that. I understand what you have been doing, most new mom's do the same thing. We think the dad should feel the same way too, that the new baby should be their life also. And it is in a way, but to a man, his and his wifes relationship is still the most important thing, (nurturing it) and he is right. It's just very hard for us to do it all, to keep things the same as it was before. Make time for him, just you and him, every day. It's most convienient when the baby is asleep to sit down with him to give him your total attention whether in conversation or whatever! You will have to let some things go, like housework or talking on the phone to friends or relatives, but he is the most imprtant thing during this time. You can have fun doing things around the house together also if you make it fun. Cooking together, doing the dishes together etc... That will make him more open also to being with the baby at other times so you can have some time for yourself also, to take a hot bath or talk to friends on the phone or go out for awhile, whatever you like to do for yourself because you are important too. After you have children your relationship does change but with you and him remembering what love created this child and not neglecting that love, you will be just fine. It is good for your children to see that you and your husband's relationship come first, that mommy and daddy love and respect each other. You should be very proud of yourself for wanting to find a solution and not just ignoring what has happened!! The best to you and your new family.

Answer 3

Thats a hard two way street just not for you but also your husband, but he has to know if he don't by now a child takes more time then most people realize. a child isn't something you can just sit over on the couch and come back later and pick up and start again those critters have a mind of their own and they will find more ways to be in the way and need attention. so sit down with your husband and explain to him the child takes more time then you have and your sorry your not neglecting him, maybe work out a system where your parents or his parents or a babysitter comes in and watches
the child while you and hubby can go out to dinner , dancing or even to some friends house to have a few monents alone with each other, he will just have to know when the critters come along, it just takes more time away from him and yourself.

Answer 4

I'm not a man, thought you could use a women's point of view too! Don't beat your self up for being a good mom. But in the mean time yes men are children at heart so dividing the attention is hard. Instead of the father looking at you like wow I chose a good mother for my son, he is jealous of the baby. This is common and be happy that he still needs your attention when your hubby stops needing you, that is a big problem. By doing his shirt and coffee this morning was great but words speak loud too. just tell him you love him, and he is sexy, thank him for the beautiful son you share together, make him see he was a part of that son you love so much. One of the things I did wich was a big no no, dont stop getting ready and all fixed up for your husband. I know the mornings are rough now, but for some reason men truly believe you take the time to look good just for them. At four months of age the baby is still taking alot of naps have dinner with your husband at nap time just you and him. Be creative, and you can come up with all sorts of little things that will re- gain his confidence of your love for him. Good luck, I wish you the best.

Answer 5

okay so i'm not a guy but a mother and grandmother... babies is a lot of work...so why don't you get your husband involved with raising your son together...let him give the baby a bath and put him to bed while you get some nice soft music on...maybe a little wine... i'm not talking every night just once in a while... and make it a surprise.... ask a grandparent aunt friend someone to keep the baby over night and make a special date night..and no it's never too early to have a baby spend the night with grandparents ect... try to do this a few times a month... and on the other times the little special things like making his coffee, slipping little love notes in his pockets...make his fav dinner... a little wink...a hug... hope this helps

Answer 6

I married into 3 kids and I knew that all of her attention would not be on me from the start. However she does do things for me and she does recognize when she doesn't. Try to delegate your time better because even though you have a son together, you originally came together without one and were devoted to each other. Try to do what you can and he will notice and reciprocate!

Answer 7

I think every married couple goes through this when they have kids. It's important to find a balance. Find a trusted day care provider and get out of the house just the two of you once in a while. Not only will you appreciate the time together but you will have a better appreciation of the time you spend with your son. As your child gets older he will value his time away as well.

Answer 8

Believe me, a LOT of couples go through exactly what you're describing. Sometimes, when a baby is born, it requires so much attention that the spouses' relationship takes a back seat, or even gets ignored entirely. Unfortunately, although it's easy for this to happen, it's bad for a marriage. Even when you have young children, it's important for both people to know that they are still important to each other. Congratulations on recognizing this and taking steps to correct it.

Answer 9

Young lady, you don't have a problem. What you have is the good sense to see that you COULD have had a problem. I have zero concerns about you folks. Since you realized that your husband needs you too, you've already changed that- and are dealing with that. So, that's a moot point. Ya fixed it already. I hope your husband is as smart as you, because having a child is hideously stressful- for both of you. You've already realized you need to remember his needs. I hope for his sake, he realizes that you too have needs that only he can help with. I predict that you folks with have a long happy marriage- and will have the most beautiful grandchildren. Enjoy the next fifty years.

Answer 10

Babies need alot of attention and men are like big babies. U have to make it a point to give him the attention when baby goes to bed. Them lacking the attention will indeed have them turn to something else. Now I did not say SOMEONE else I said something, it could be someone but it doesn't always work out like that. U have to try and make time that's all u can do.

Answer 11

SO this is after he has done the laundry, made dinner, washed dishes, paid some bills, changed diapers, been burped on, pooped on, not had a shower in 3 days, and still can't zip up his jeans. In other words...YOUR life. He had 9 months to get used to the idea that he was going to have to share your time with a baby!

Kudos for making the effort to make him feel loved and appreciated for being a good provider, & kudos to him for not complaining about getting bumped to the back seat; but honestly he needs to realize that nothing will ever be the same again.