How much is too much? What do you do when a computer game addiction is tearing apart your relationship?

Question

My fiance and I moved in together about 3 months ago. We've been together over 2 years. He's played World of Warcraft throughout the relationship, and I didn't know how much it would affect me until I lived with him.

Everyday has become a struggle, whether it comes to a small argument or something bigger. I ask him to set aside time for me and he gets so consumed, he tells me he'll make it up to me. He never does. I'm tired of fighting this constant battle and getting nowhere. I'm getting to the point where my heart is breaking and I'm crying more often than I should be. When I thought nothing could break us apart, I've recently had to think how I can have the strength to go on like this.

I love him, and I don't want this to break us apart. I know he has good intentions that are masked by his gaming addiction. How much gaming is too much? What can I do to address the problem with him so we can mend our relationship??

It's not that easy to just walk away, split, throw in the towel, whatever. I'm happy that he's found something he enjoys, but that came with the consequences. I'm not going to just give up, because on any normal day we have a perfect relationship... It's when the game comes between us that theres a problem. I don't want him to stop playing all together, but I want him to find a balance between what makes us both happy. I've learned to play the game as well and we have used it as a way to bond, but some days that just doesn't work.

Answer 1

Well, you've been together for 2 years. When you didn't live together, he must have take a break from his gaming to be with you on a regular basis, I would assume. Is he playing more now since you live with him?

I would sit him down, if you can pull him away from his game, and let him know how you are feeling and that his excessive gaming is making living with him miserable for you. As long as you aren't being dramatic about how much he's gaming, than it sounds as though you're being reasonable. He should be willing to compromise. And if not, you have new decisions to make. I wouldn't be able to live like that, in competition with his gaming.

Answer 2

If the love is soo great then a silly game shouldnt separate you soo much. The one thing that Iv learned over 20 yrs of marriage is that you need to involve yourslf in what the other interests are even if it is something that you are not interested in. This game that is consuming his life at this time is just the beginning take a night and sit with him ask if you can play too and while your playing laughing and just hanging out I guarantee that the joking will eventually turn into a conversation. The same goes for him if you find urslf consumed in something he should do the same. Communication is the key to any relationship. Good luck

Answer 3

He is addicted, like alcohol or drugs but he is addicted to video games. How about an intervention? Friends, family do they realize his problem will they help you in battling his addiction? You need support, you can't win this alone. If you love him you must exhaust all avenues before throwing in the towel, even as a final straw the its me or the addiction ultimatum. Good Luck and Best Wishes!!!

Answer 4

Not sure this will help, but you can let him know that there are some people (such as myself) who logged in one day, canceled the subscription, uninstalled, and quit cold turkey and are happier for it.

I know for me the decision came when I realized that when I wasn't playing I felt like I was somehow missing something, or missing-out. That kind of feeling just isn't healthy at all.

So I suppose my actual advice is that you ask him to evaluate for himself if "not missing out" has become more important than "having fun".

And I can't say for him (since I don't know him) but in my case dialing-down play time didn't work - I just got sucked in again.

Answer 5

Split from him for a while and see if he notices you're gone.

Perhaps you should try this: Dress real nice and tell him you're going out. If he doesn't notice, stay at a friends and see if he notices that. If you get home the next day, and he's still at the blasted computer, yank it's plug out of the wall and tell him you ARE LEAVING HIM. If his world of goblins and dwarfs is more important, give him what he wants and find better for yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Get it resolved before you marry this guy.

How much gaming is too much? If it interferes with your real life, it is too much.

What can you do? You have to make him put down the controller and talk about it. Don't threaten him, tell him how you feel and see if he will agree to only playing during a certain time frame. Preferably, when you are busy doing something else.

Answer 7

Let him play his game, and you find something you like doing. Try sewing that's what i did, my boyfriend of 16 years plays football on an average of 5 hours a nite. As long as your man is at home let him play, its better then him being out all the time.....Just love him..

Answer 8

its just a game.... my hubby played a TON and I used to get so pissed off. Mind you I was also pregnant at the time as well. he'd be on for 8 hours and then go to bed and i'd be like wtf.

so I logged on and tried playing just to see what it was all about. what do you know, now we play together, its a dorky thing that we do together, and now we have date nites where we go out, we watch movies, but we also play the game as well. i just took the time to show interest in something that my geeky nerdy husband was interested in.

Answer 9

Addiction is when the use of the substance or activity causes continual negative consequences on a person's life.

Based on your question, it sounds like addiction. The problem is the addict cannot get help unless he/she wants help.

This leaves you with the only option of calling everything off if he refuses to get help to control his behavior.

The one truth of addiction is without help, the addict only gets worse, NEVER better.

Good luck.

Answer 10

This is like any other addiction. If he doesn't see the problem (does he?), nothing will change. It will only get worse.

I would suggest couples therapy. If you don't do something now, it will only get worse.