so why would he do this?

Question

So, last night I saw messages that my husband wrote to another girl on the computer which were not PG13 so to speak....we got into a heavy argument and then he proceeded to deny our unborn child calling me every name in the book. I kicked him out. I know 100% that it's his..not a doubt in my mind, but he started saying very hurtful things. I didn't go to work today b/c I'm so upset..so then this morning he calls me and now he called and wants to take me to lunch on his lunch break...what the heck does this mean?? why? after he denied his own child?

Answer 1

He was upset and angry. go to lunch and see what he wants. find out why he said those things to you and reinforce that you have never cheated on him, and find out what his excuse is with the girl on the computer. He probably feels bad he said the baby wasn't his, and wants to talk about it. blaming you for cheating because he got caught cheating. Its just lunch, and its nuetral ground so you two can talk.

Answer 2

It fascinates me that there are so many men and women out there that when caught in a situation that evidence is over-goddamn-whelming sit there with a stupid and shocked look on their faces and say "Not me". Plus...when their weak and pitiful excuses and denials work, they say something absolutely hurtful to their spouse as a half-aszed defense mechanism.
What also amazes me is people (like you) who come here and ask "Why would he deny his own child?". Lady...you should be asking (1) Why he's screwing around with someone else on the computer? and (2) How did I get hooked up with such a jackhole? If you go to lunch and accept his apology...you're a chump. That remark was no doubt one of the cruelest I've ever heard. Don't you realize he's just lumped you into a low class prostitute with low morals who'll spread your legs for other men besides himself?
No? Because that's exactly what he implied.
If i were you...and I'm not...I'd squeeze this jerk-off for a period of time. No conversation other than 'hello' and 'goodbye'. No physical contact...no goddamn nothing.
He's moved into territory that never, ever should have been explored and this is now a test. If you give in. If you say.."Oh honey...it's okay' then you've opened the door to more of this anytime he gets kammed up like he just did.
I mean...you're with child now. You don't need one that you're married to.

Answer 3

I think that you know why. This is your proof that he is not being faithful to you. This also explains all of his actions prior to this.

As far as lunch, he wants to try and make you forget what he said about the baby. He probably doesn't have any where to go, so he is trying to get back into your place. I personally wouldn't might him right now. You are too upset to be able to have a conversation with him. He keeps saying that he wants space - give it to him and take some for you. You need time to process everything that has happened in the last few days.

Did you keep copies of the messages? You may need it if the separation goes through.

Answer 4

well men always deni what they do and if you have one that tells the truth then you have it made. but i would go out for lunch and let him explain at least but i do not blame you for shipping him out.he is not only hurting you he is dstroying your whole family and yes this involves the children.
at least you know and have proof and saw with your own two eyes what he has been doing....but is this the first time only.......whos to say he doesn`t do this constatly........he only said those mean things cause he got caught.and if he has that much disrespect for you as the mother of his child and wife that he swore to love and honor.he isn`t worth your time and effort.but you would have to go and have lunch yes. get the answers your searching from him.but don`t leave and go back with him right away after lunch. go back home alone to your child and think things over.thoe were mean things to be say and hurtful things to do to you.whats so wrong with writing you a letter like that to your email ? why did he chose another women.?what does she got that you don`t? ask him these questions ....i would make him feel the pain he made you feel before deciding to go back anyways.......but doing lunch in a restorant is a very good idea this way things can`t get out of hand. you can actually talk it all over.
do you love him enough that you can forgive him and forget all about it.....can you trust him on the internet anymore.....what kind of life are you going to lead and teach your child by staying........

i just found out in august that after i married my husband and had our four kids...after 15 years of marriage that he had cheated 11 years prior to all this and as a result he has another child,lil gurl now younger then his four kids with me.i am still dealing wi it.....but he had cheated on me before we married and i thought he had changed.but obviously he didn`t.i wouldn`t want to see this kinda pain on you after 15 years into a marriage.wishing you the best throughout all this pain and heartache.
i am actually spending christmas together and then after that he will be shipped out,but my kids are older and i don`t want to ruin their xmass with his actions.my kids are 16-15-14-12.if your is young be strong and end it now cause once a cheater always a cheater in my books now.......i don`t beleive ppl can change anymore.........but i do beleive they can be sneaky and are good actors.
sorry for this being so long but wow do i understand you.

Answer 5

Yes, he got caught and it's human nature for him to try to shift the blame or step on someone else in order to feel less like a slug.

Without having heard the tone of his voice when he invited you to lunch, I'd be dreading the lunch date (assuming that you're going). There's a chance he'll try to apologize, but I don't think you're going like what he's got to say. Think about it. At lunchtime he has a preset and limited time to talk to you; keeping the conversation short can only work to his benefit. Besides, lunch would be in a public place so he knows that you'll have to control your reaction to his comments. Nope, doesn't sound good at all. I'm so sorry! I don't think I'd accept his lunch invitation at this time.

Take some time to figure out what YOU want to do. Develop a reasonable plan and stick to it. Then, agree to meet with him. You can opt to;
1. Forgive him and try to make the best of the situation while he tries to earn back your trust.
2. Set aside more time alone to clear your head, seek counsel and then make a decision later.
3. Sever the relationship now.

Answer 6

So he can make you feel sorry for him. Personally i would not go you need to think about that baby ok. That baby is more important that his cheating azz plus why whould he care anyways Hello he just cursed you out and denied the child so he basically dont want the baby and its all coming out now that he got caught but in order to make himself feel better he is going to try to suck up to you and make you feel guilty. Dont. Just tell him what he has done is very wrong and you need time to think for the sake of the baby. Cuz do you want this baby to grow up and he start yelling at you and the baby sayin its not his. That will mess with that child so bad so please think of this baby first.

Answer 7

He called you every name in the book because you caught him doing something wrong but to bring in your child like that was so damn wrong.I meet with him and tell him just how he made you feel and if he was to ever do it again it will be over.But i have to ask do you trust him at all?Is he a good dad? You see he knows he was wrong and thats may be why he wants to have lunch with you. I would just talk and let him know how he made you feel. AND IT BETTER NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!!! Keep your head up high girl and make him eat his words.. :)Good luck

Answer 8

I would not go anywhere or do anything with him until after he has had several months of marriage counseling and personal therapy.

I would also go ahead and get the paternity test just to placate is sad little ego.

You need to realize that he is no more your husband than he is your first child. He needs to grow up.

Good luck. I will pray for you.

Answer 9

He said those things to get the upper hand in the argument and take to spotlight off himself. He made you the bad one so now he can make up with you.

Don't be fooled tell him when he is willing to take responsibility for HIS child and stop cheating you can talk otherwise leave him out in the cold.

Answer 10

It means he got caught!! He wanted to turn the situation around on YOU and he did! He's cheating and stuck with you because of the baby and he is going to make your life miserable. Get out now, it that really the kind of father you want for your child?