Okay so husband and are really young, I am 20 and he is 24- We just got married last June- he wanted to do something I wasnt intrested in Im not ganna go into detail- I wanted to leave him- I didnt come home or talk to him for 3 days- That was childish of me I know- We are raising his 16 yr. old brother and it makes it even harder- I dont want to be with him but he called my whole family and all of my friends looking for me and told them all of our business- I told him that I wasnt in love with him and I was even talking to someone else and he doesnt care he didnt eat the whole time I was gone and he said he even had thoughts of suicide- The only reason I am staying there- is b/c I feel so bad for him- I will always love him I am just not in love with him- SO my ? is how do I get away from him without terribly hurting him- I just want to be 20 not 40! But I did make my bed and I guess now I must sleep in it.
2007-12-18 02:17:10 · 21 answers · asked by JessieA 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay my husband and I just got married last June and since then its been very rocky...We are both very young.. I am 20 and he is 24 and his step father killed himself last Nov. his mother has been heavily on drugs before his step father killed himself but she got even worse after his death... She was on crack and cocaine... shes made my life a living hell... Shes in rehab right now and we are stuck raising her 15 year old son... We just bought a house together and I pictured this little fairy tale like everyone does... But the little brother is so bad... he curses us out and he seems to have so much anger inside... I try to set the punishment for him to actually learn and husband never follows through with the punishment... Mother in law always needs something from us... we had to move all of her stuff into our house and its full of her stuff and I am scared shes going to try to move in once she gets out... Husband keeps telling me shes not... I live in fear and I am tired of dealing..
2007-12-18 02:37:04 · update #1
with all of this... its so stressfull... we have more problems... but mostley with his mother... I know shes going to try to move in because she has no where else to go.... I feel bad for her in a way... but she makes my life so stressful and so does her son... I am trying to stay strong... but I just dont know if this is all worth it!!! Hes unromantic... hes a sex addict which I guess its a good thing he always wants sex from me... But I am living in fear and I do not feel comfortable living in my own house... Should I stick around for all of this... Is it really worth it?
More details.......
2007-12-18 02:38:59 · update #2
Didn't give it much of chance, did you???
Marriage is hard work, it is not games you play in highschool. People change like the wind, the time, & yes even Love.
You have serious commitment issues, you should explore.
Part of life is taking the good with the bad & vice versa. You can set your boundries as far as your MIL is concerned, just be strong and stand up for what you believe in.
2007-12-18 02:31:21 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't give your marriage much of a chance did you? And already talking to someone else? Sounds like he isn't the only one with some problems. And just a word of advice, he may just be "threatening" suicide now. But that doesn't mean that he still won't go through with it. My ex did the same when I left him(he was abusive) after being married for 5 years. The sad ending to my story is that he DID it!! He went through with it. Leaving behind 2 small children. I can't feel guilty about leaving, I did the best for my family. But you may want to talk to someone to maybe help him get the help he needs. My ex was getting help, but it just didn't work out.
2007-12-18 02:59:38 · answer #2 · answered by Jamie p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you think of this before you got married? You should never be "in love" with someone you marry, you should "love" someone you marry, with a deep and abiding love, as you vowwed to do. But it sound like this is all about YOU, and their is not supposed to be a YOU, it is WE, forever and ever. I got married to my 16 year old b/f when I was 15. That was 35 years ago. I will always love him. I will always be faithful to him. I will always cherish him. Those were the vows. I meant every word then, as I do now. Of course he called his family and yours looking for you! He was worried! Did you think to call him and say, Hey hon, I'm over so-and-so's, I just need some cool down time? Take responsibility for your own actions, and give the marriage a chance. Work on it. Really work on it. That's what it takes!
2007-12-18 02:31:02 · answer #3 · answered by Cheryl P 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their problems are not your problems.
If the only reason you are staying with your bf is because you feel bad for him, dont stay. Thats not enough.
Its your life and your youth. I think one idea is to take a break from him - maybe for 6 months or so.
You didnt make your bed and you dont have to sleep in it. Its not your fault about his family problems.
I think this situation is bad and you should get out of it. It is your life and you are the most important person in your life.
2007-12-18 02:49:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is contemplating suicide, he needs professional help. You just leave, and let him know you are not equipped to help him with those problems. My ex did some of the same things-- I left, and have dealt with those occasional psycho moments. Just suggest he seek some help from someone trained to help him, but that you are not that person. If it is manipualtion, GREAT!! If he is serious, there is nothing to stop him from killing you--I would get out immediately! Contact an attorney!
2007-12-18 02:40:22 · answer #5 · answered by SWEETYPI 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Threatening of suicide, now that's a strong foundation for a marriage.
If he's thinking suicide then he's got a lot bigger problems then his marriage. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.
Its going to hurt no matter what, even if the person is horrible too you and you feel you hate them, when they are gone its going to hurt. Its a loss, just like any other loss you must grieve.
2007-12-18 02:44:03 · answer #6 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all, you should not stay because you feel guilty. You need to let you family in and tell them that you don't want to be with him anymore. Don't give them details but let them know that you are getting a divorce so they at least know why you left and in the process let him know that he needs to let you go.
Second of all you are in no position to be raising a 16 year old. But fine you are I guess, but he is not your responsibility he is your brothers. So don't feel guilty. Just let him know how you feel and if theres no way to salvage your marriage then get a divorce. But do let him know of your intentions and your family. So they can be there for support.
Best of Luck!
2007-12-18 02:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by Victorian_girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you are not happy and want a divorce, then do so. the only alternative is to live your life unhappy. either you leave or you don't. my hubby was always saying that he was just going to commit suicide when i first found out that he was having an affair. the funny thing was though, he was the one who did wrong, not me. he was the only person who had the power to change anything and he didn't. live for you.
2007-12-18 03:22:30 · answer #8 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he goes crazy, it isn't your fault, but he needs to be respectful of your wishes as well. What did he ask you for that you didn't want? Why would he ask you that? and also ask yourself why did i marry him? If you can remember why you married him, that may help. If you just flat out don't want it anymore and want to be single, file for a divorce, but give him the papers yourself, and when you do, before he opens them talk to him about why you are doing this, and if he threatens to hurt himself, call a suicide hotline and get hom help immediately.
2007-12-18 02:38:17 · answer #9 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have to agree with the other ahead of me about what chance did you get to give him. sounds like he didn`t do anything at all to you.you just fell out of love? no way...we all as marri couples have hard times ...no it is not easy to live with one man for the rest of your life sure you are going to get urges to run out or skip on a marriage. but what has he done to you to deserve this? how has he hurt yoso badly that you can`t even go on anymore. sound to me like the problem isn`t you and him the problem is you guys are kids raising a kid and of course that will bring a hectic life to BOTH of you.so why not go out and enjoy being 20 with your husband?the kid is 16 i am sure he can take care of himself.by you running you made it harder for him to trust you...how is he to know you have been gone and faithful.. you never even called him up to tell him what was going on.
he saying he was going to kill himself sn`t right also...but just maybe this guy married you cause he thought it through and was sure he loved you with all his heart. and can`t see himself with no-one else but you. when you chose to marry a guy you make sure it is somone you see yourself growing old with.
someone that when you are 50 you know is still going to be there to listen.when you need the speacial ear in to tell your secrets and tht special shoulder to cry on.
you only seemed to complain about the 16 year old brother. you had nothing to compllain like cheating or lies or anything like that on your husband.
find your way back. marriage is sacred.be a women and talk to your husband,you have something worth salvaging in my books .....you wouldn`t want to be in my shoes with real regrets.i just found out my husband cheated on me 15 years ago after we married and had 4 children and i am only 35 years old ...now thats a reason to leave your husband especially when the one he cheated with produced a child.thats deceat,dishonest,lier,cheater,must i go on......has he done anything like this on you?
2007-12-18 02:49:02 · answer #10 · answered by mimi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋