ok heres the thing. make a very long story as short as possible..... we dated 2 and a half years...we talked abt marriage all the time...one night outta the blue he calls me and says were over...im like wtf u asked me 2 marry u even today (bc he always talks 2 me abt marriage but im 18 so im not ready) he says ok comes to my house picks me up kisses me and says tomarrow were ganna get u an enagement ring. he leaves my house...he doesnt ever call me \back and ignores my phone...2 days later i realise were over...ok...its been 2 weeks i just found out hes engaged...apparently he cheated on me and now is engaged. ok i kno im lucky and all but...hes telling pple lies abt me and also making it seem like weve been broken u longer...hes a very smooth sly talker and pple like him and dnt know the truth abt him...im really tring to be the bigger person and not tell pple he cheated on me and stuff...bc i believe hell get whats coming to him...but in the mean time its very hard...pple prob think
2007-12-17 22:22:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
thing abt me thats not true...yes i know hes abusive and stuff...but is that normal 2 and half year and he always asked me to marry him....and two weeks later hes engaged?!?! im soooooo like shocked and sickend.. hellp!!!
2007-12-17 22:22:24 · update #1
ok I want you to do one thing.. I know it hurts.. I know he has left you confused.. but the thing is look up and say to whatever you believe in...a great big THANK YOU.. You have got free of a man who would have broken your heart even more.. do not think of going back to him your life will be better without him. He is better left alone like smelly dog do do.. Yes i know your upset and in time you will feel better... but take a deep breath in and enjoy your life he doesnt deserve you ever. Have a great christmas.
2007-12-17 22:27:43 · answer #1 · answered by meaussiegirl 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Run. Run far, far away and thank GOD you didn't end up marrying this guy. I generally don't like to judge if I don't know inside details, but the fact that he's engaged isn't a bright spot on his character.
I was going to say that he was probably cheating beforehand (either physically or just emotionally) but you confirmed that, yourself.
Meanwhile, if people are coming to you and telling you things he's saying--or if they're making rude/nosy comments about things he's saying--I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be honest and say he cheated on you. I mean, it's all about what you're comfortable sharing--be careful here, though, because people often share TOO much right after relationships end.
If this turns into he-said/she-said, it could get real nasty, really quickly.
Being the bigger person is admirable, yes, but sometimes you just want to flip out, huh? :)
Take a deep breath and ask, "Is my spilling all of the sordid details going to turn back time? Make my ex faithful? Or make me feel better?"
Clearly, the answer is "No," to most--if not all--of those questions.
It's up to you.
2007-12-17 22:31:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I relate to every single word of your story - right down to how long you were together. But I was a few years older than you at the time
You ex doesnt like himself. He has very little confidence. He doesnt have the ability to be on his own as a single person and his confidence is wrapped up in the person who he is with. Because he feels so bad about himself it makes him feel good to make others feel bad. The reason why he is make stuff up to other ppl is because he is worried what they will think of him so he makes them think you were to blame so they dont see any faults in him. His biggest fear is that people will see who he really is wont like him anymore. He strives for acceptance.
It takes a while to realise it and actually believe it but you are better off and you are the better person. Just take it as an experience and a learning lesson. Your future relationship will be better for it. Your young and single now - make the most of it.
The best revenge you can have is to move on and be happy. Dwelling on it is exactly what he would want you to do but really the only person its going to bring down is yourself
Good luck *cuddles*
2007-12-17 22:42:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well this situation happened to me too. But it may be a little different. After 3 years and 7 months I decided to end it with my boyfriend. He had spoken a lot about marriage too. He called me and asked me out after we broke up. About 2-3 weeks later he got engaged with a woman he worked with and they were married in the next three months. I was really shocked. It did not hurt me too bad since I was the one who ended it, but it makes me wonder to this day why he moved on so quickly. I wish you the best of luck. Sometimes we can't control what we would like to happen. It is better to find out now how he is than to find out if you two had been married.
2007-12-18 02:56:46 · answer #4 · answered by just julie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated a man very similar to yours when I was about ur age..
is it the same guy?JK!
He did all the smooth talking to others and was sly as well..
no one not even his mom and dad knew how rotten he really was.He was with other girls when with me and started telling pple i wasn't with him when I was...bla bla you get the pic~
Any ways you cant see it know but this is one of those lessons
in life that will make you stronger in the long run..
never be swooned by a sweet talker again!
If it feels passionate and to good to be true to begin with
then it is!!!!!!!!!!!STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Listen to your
logic always~don't wear your heart on ur sleeve!
That is the way to being a strong wise women!
2007-12-17 22:36:27 · answer #5 · answered by Gigi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at 18 i also went through something similar ,....maybe not as traumatic but someone broke up with me ..i really thought they were my world and at 18 ...regardless of what others say ..YOU DO FALL DEEP ..and it hurts so much more when its over ..when it happened to me ..i could not eat and lost loads of weight ...couldnt sleep ..and was agitated ..looing back now..im married to a great guy who is nothing like the other guy ..we are having our 1st baby soon ...all l can say to you is ...find stuff to take up your time...do stuff to distract you ..the feeling of upset and anger will not go till its ready ..dont jump into another relationship ..just occupy yourself ..if you are not at school ..go away from the area for a bit ...see new friends and just allow yourself to heal ..you will only realise how lucky you are later on ..now is the time for being angry and feeling betrayed .....look at it this way too ..he was also cheating on that other girl with you and he will cheat on her again ..didi you really want to marry someone who would cheat on you ...yes 21/2 yrs is a long time it shows you are loyal and capable of haveing a long term relationship which is good ..but now you just need this to heal so you can meet someone who will really appreciate you for who you are and what you offer ....but its ok to hurt and feel angry and confused and pissed off ...time does heal but you cant see it now..but you will later on ...Good luck .....
p.s the things he is saying about you ...well theres 2 ways to deal with that ..either you be the the more mature one and you ignore it ..or you can just tell people that he has a small penis or that he was a premature ejaculator....tit for tat
2007-12-17 22:35:33 · answer #6 · answered by chinablu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he probably already had a plan and was seeing the other woman way before u knew anything. he lies to others because he doesn't want to look bad and have people see him for who he really is. eventually people will see the real him, he thinks he is fooling everyone but he isn't. i would be very happy i weren't the one marrying this man, and don't try to figure it out, its impossible to make something logical out of an illogical person. it is very hard to love someone and see that they weren't who u thought they were, right now u need to be facing reality and not trying to figure it out. his actions speak louder than any words he said to u. he was cheating a while back, lining up his future and hiding it from u, when things get sprung on us out of the blue it does take awhile to understand and see things for what they are.
2007-12-17 22:30:21 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thank your lucky stars that you dodged a bullet!
Taking the higher ground is rarely satisfying in the short term. But you do come out looking classier in the long term.
This guy will probably cheat on his fiancee and she'll have several kids with him before they wind up divorced.
No reason to go out of your way to tell people your situation. But if someone asks, I see nothing wrong with telling the truth of when you broke up. Just don't bad mouth him and don't bad mouth his fiancee--feel sorry for her.
2007-12-18 00:34:18 · answer #8 · answered by Invisigoth 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, be thankful you found out NOW what a cad he is...and how insincere he was...Do take the high road, and have nothing more to do with him...You can be nice, but do not go out with him, tell him to take a hike, but do it in a classy way, that makes you look like 'good riddance'...I no it is hard, because you never saw it coming...Be very blessed that you found out NOW and not after you said I DO...I am so sorry for you...The best way to get even, is to make yourself even better looking and more successful than you are now...Some guys love it, when you fall apart over them...it really gets' to them, however, when you pull yourself up, and have nothing to do with him...believe me, the Lord never closes one door, without opening another one for you...I bet there is someone much better , looking, smarter and sweeter waiting for a girl like you...Forgive him, but move on and don't look back..just be thankful YOU are free of him, look at the one he is engaged too...he was cheating on HER with YOU...God Bless honey,..hold your head up high and aim for the stars!
2007-12-17 22:59:09 · answer #9 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're a lucky girl, as he left you early before you got entangled with him as his wife. If he had done it later after you became his wife, that will hurt you more. Well, nobody wanted to be with a cheater as what you called him. Just let him go and find some other guys that are willing to share his life with you.
2007-12-17 22:39:07 · answer #10 · answered by leon adrianto 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋