I met this guy about 6 months ago. He was great, but I noticed a change after a month or so. Come to find out that he was getting over a previous gf of 3 yrs. but he has known her for 25 years. They had only been apart 8 months.
All of a sudden, she seems to be back in the picture. She doesn't want him, but she wants him to still want her.
I really care about this guy, but I am beginning to feel taken for granted, and somewhat used.
What can I do to make him realize what he has in me? He says that he loves me, but I know that he still has love for her too.
2007-12-17 20:47:27 · 16 answers · asked by PEGGY S 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He gets angry every time I try to talk to him about the situation. He says that I should not even bring it up. That just frustrates me more.
2007-12-17 21:19:48 · update #1
She is definitely the problem and if he is afraid to hurt her feelings then it is time for you to hurt his. She takes him back because she does not want anyone else to have him, tell him to either **** or get off the pot!
2007-12-18 02:31:51 · answer #1 · answered by Jake5282 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'm sorry to hear about your strange new guy.
After a month, you noticed he still has a friendship or something with an old gf. (this is a very bad sign)
Why? Because when I'm with a new gf, you can be 100% certain that I'm ready, willing and able to forget ALL things about my old gf. No half steppin', no regrets! I'm moving up whole-heartedly to a better girl and I'm not in anyway looking back at somebody who dumped me or who I dumped.
Don't believe the "just friends" nonsense. It is often used as a smokescreen to hide a hidden relationship or potential for relationship.
"All of a sudden, she seems to be back in the picture. She doesn't want him, but she wants him to still want her."
This is truly not good. You need to lay this on the line and be tough about it. The only sure way to make him realize what he has in you is to have him go without you for a month or so. Dump his backward-steppin', tryin'-to-be-a-player, non- committed, hypnotized, sorry butt. Take charge of your rights in this relationship and don't be his door mat. That's what I did and I am really good at that kind of stuff. (with a girl of course) Hopefully, he'll soon snap out of it. Clinging to an old gf is no way to impress another gf. Be tough about it. Or he will really use you. Saying he loves you and then doing the opposite just means he's using the "I love you" line to control you and not tell the truth. Actions speak louder than words and are the truest test of a person's character. If his actions show he is a potential cheater than it is best to avoid him. Before something really bad happens (like you get pregnant) and then you're tied to this guy for good.
Only been apart for 8 months? That is a very long time!
It took me less than 8 weeks to move from old gf to new gf.
If he gets mad at you bringing up things, (talking is pretty harmless) that's just a sign that he's being overly defensive for some reason. I didn't mind to talking about my silly old gf to my new gf. (and to let her know how much better she is)
Shoot you got a really strange, confused, unsure guy.
Tell him to take some time and come back when he's 100% certain that you're the only one for him.
2007-12-18 10:01:44 · answer #2 · answered by Joe H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to give advice without physically being there and knowning those involved. But the question should be do you trust him or not...truely trust him.
If you do trust him then just talk about it with them, try to not offend anyone and never go off the handle.
Just calmly explain that you are uncomfortable with this situation. But never go between them, if they have known each other for 25 years, then try to be fine with them at least being friends. But, that is if you trust him.
I have been in this situation before, and have decided to not talk with my ex because it was ruining my life after the relationship. But in the end I believe you two will do just fine and make the right choices. Patients and constant communication is the key to this kind of situation.
2007-12-18 04:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by tlarseth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As strange as the first answer sounds, it is actually a really good solution. I had the same problem. I was in love with two girls but a threesome fixed everything. For me, my attraction to my ex was purely physical and after the "encounter," I was easily able to move on with my life.
2007-12-18 04:56:32 · answer #4 · answered by sdfas a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello from England, Peggy. Well, I almost refrained from answering this question - because I have no wish to upset you in any way.
This person is, I fear, using you and taking you for granted. He is using you simply as a substitute - nothing more, nothing less!
Get rid of him pdq, meaning pretty damn quick! You honestly deserve better. And no, you will NOT change him, so please don't waste your time on a loser.
Good luck. I wish you well.
2007-12-18 04:56:02 · answer #5 · answered by colonel138 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I'm not 30, but here's my advice: Take the other woman out of the picture, if you know what I mean.
2007-12-18 05:00:33 · answer #6 · answered by Douglas I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to confront him and talk over w/ your situations. You have the right to ask because you are his present girlfriend. If he doesn't want to talk and clear it over.., then you have to think.., twice and deeply. You can never trust him anymore, unless he became honest w/ you, and please.. don't expect too much from him.. or you may end up suffering most.
2007-12-18 06:29:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel about it, but keep it simple and don't let it get out of control and end up in an argument.
2007-12-18 04:56:33 · answer #8 · answered by G S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just be patient and try not to be so pushy with him. it takes time to get over a relationship, concentrate on making him happy as well as yourself, and things shall work out, he needs to see that she is just playing games for himself, and he will see it soon. if you really love him you will hang in there.
2007-12-18 08:37:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you gotta give him time and space. seems like he's still not over her. he's known this girl a majority of his life. if you force /persuade him to do something he might not want to do, you may lose him forever.
2007-12-18 04:56:56 · answer #10 · answered by djspock1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋