how do i stop feeling so insecure?

Question

I have become an insecure person and its tearing my relationship apart. I was always someone who was very confident, had all of the kids wrapped around my finger, dropped them when they did something wrong. This is my FIRST long term relationship, because I used to end it with guys the first time they messed up. I love my boyfriend so much, but I am starting to really act crazy. When we first started talking we were going to different colleges and the next semester he transferred to a school about 10 mins from me. Before he was staying at home, now he resides in a dorm, and I am afraid that he will meet someone at school and cheat on me. I am so afraid of getting my heart broken. If he doesn't answer the phone i feel like he's with another girl. If he wants to hang out with his friends, i feel like he's cheating. I dont know HOW to not feel so jealous. I just want to catch him, so that I can know that its not going to work. It doesnt make sense but thats how i feel. help me please!!!

Answer 1

You are your own worst enemy, and I know the feeling well. You don't really invest much of yourself in a relationship, never really letting a a guy get to you, dumping them as soon as they make a wrong move. Eventually you find one you can care for and you are terrified you will lose him. But it is impossible to believe that a guy you care about will return your feelings and remain faithful, so you feel rejected when he doesn't call or makes any plans without you. Then eventually you sabotage the relationship or end it to stop all the hand wringing.
I just did that very thing a couple of months ago. I constantly thought he was seeing someone else and created all kinds of crazy scenarios of what he was doing when he wasn't with me. It was driving me nuts. I didn't trust him enough to tell him what I felt, or show him how I much I cared, instead I began to withdraw trying not to let him hurt me. In the end he quit calling, and now I really regret what I did. At the time I seemed powerless to stop myself.
You must find a way to change your thoughts, try to use positive self talk that you are an attractive loving person and deserve to have a great guy. Don't creat fantasies in your head when nothing is going on. If you need reassurance tell him you are just feeling insecure about things. Just don't let it become a desperate non-stop request for reassurance.
Don't end up the way I did- losing the one guy you ever really cared about.

Answer 2

omg i know exactly how you feel because im in the same situation. i never cared about anyone like this..but my bf actually has cheated on me. but i guess the best advice i can give you..even though i dont seem to take my own advice..is, just know that he is with you for a reason. If he is going to cheat on you, he's going to cheat on you..whether you live on opposite sides of the country or in the same house..if thats what he wants to do, he will. But you do not want to give him reason to by constantly thinking he is..basically..if you always treat him like he is cheating on you..he might as well right? (his thought process, not mine) but I also know what you mean about just wanting to catch him so you can prove that you wre right..and just end this. i feel that way all the time..i go out looking for things that he could be doing..if he's with his friends or whatever..but i know that the last thing you want is to have him cheat on you...you really just want to trust him..and you should unless he gives you a reason not to. Just know that he loves you for a reason..dont cover that reason up with insecurities.

Answer 3

Get a life of your own
cuz it looks like you dont have one
sad truth
im trying to help, not talk mess.

You need to find something to get your mind off him. Go shopping. Find gf's and hang out with them, get some hobbies, concentrate in school, and most importantly, trust him. If hes in a long term relat. its cuz he wants to be in it, not cuz hes forced to.

Answer 4

what u need is to feel MORE CONFIDENT abt urself. Ur feeling insecure just because u think ur not good enuf and that someone else will take ur guy away.... MAKE URSELF LOOK GOOD AND FEEL GOOD !!!