I know that my dad loves me and is trying to protect me as much as he can, but sometime i feel like he's holding onto me too tightly that I can't breath. I'm 19 already, a few more months and I'm turning 20. I'm not allow to hang out with a guy friend or even talk on the phone with a guy for longer then a few mins. I would be scold if I do. He thinks of all the negative side that can happen to me if I hang out with a guy friend even though we're just friends. Due to this fact I'm not very sociable and can't keep a strong converstation. What can I do??
2007-12-17 15:08:53 · 29 answers · asked by sweety 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's probably very afraid of you growing up and facing a possibly troublesome world with guys. You may have to be very firm (but gentle) in telling him that you do value his opinions, but you are old enough to make decisions on your own. Yes, this will involve making mistakes, but that's part of the learning process. Assure him that you will never let a guy do something to you unless you are okay with it. Do let your dad know on a regular basis on how your relationships with friends are going. You don't have to go into a lot of detail, but sharing some details about what going on your friends' lives (both male and female) may help keep the lines of communication going.
This may sound like a tacky idea, but it may be a good thing for your dad to meet some of your guy friends. This may help ease some of the ongoing tension. You can do this by arranging for a get together somewhere. If you feel this might be too intimate for your dad, invite some of your friends that he trusts to come along.
Hopefully, once he sees that you have a good head on your shoulders, he'll relax a bit and let you enjoy life a bit more.
Good luck.
2007-12-17 15:35:10 · answer #1 · answered by jfluterpicc_98 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well cupcake,
It could be due to the fact that your dad was once 20 and knows how guys can be. This does not mean it is an accurate reflection of the guys your drawn to and the fact is if you focus more on your social life with girlfriends or groups of friends instead of just one guy you will more likely be happier-no really. I am not saying anyone is right but he cares about you and wants to keep you "honorable" until you are older or married. Or he does not trust your judgment in men or you have a lack of experience or-pick anything you can think of! Until you ask your dad specifically why he feels that way and then share with him your experience of it all. If the rest of your life is in order and you have proven yourself reliable then he might consider having more faith in his daughter who has proven to be consistent etc. He would do well by listening calmly to you rather then push you into the guys arms cause he is saying no so loudly to you.
Daughters will sometimes do just that as they do not need to be told what to do.
His roof his rules.
I wish you the best and have a sit down with him-If he is willing and discuss it without raising your voices but calmly as you two do truly care for each other and only want what is the best for each other.
Good luck!
Bc
2007-12-17 15:23:47 · answer #2 · answered by Bc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents are alot like yours, or they were atleast. I found out very quickly a year or two ago that my parents had no real hold on me. I have a job, a car, etc... what are your parents gonna do if you get up leave the computer walk out the door, and call a friend to pick you up... kick you out of the house? I highly doubt it. Parents realize that once you have a job theres not much they can hold over your head, and its not like this day in age they can get physical with you, thats a social services case right there... my suggestion is get a job. I have this thing with my parents where in their house I do what they say, outside its none of their buisness, as long as I dont bring my outside life into the house then they have no need to know anything about friends, or significant others.
2007-12-17 15:16:19 · answer #3 · answered by teh_masta_of_all 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that so well. My parents were always so protective of me when I was younger, especially my dad - really strong beliefs about that kind of stuff.
My advice to you is to talk to your dad about it though. I know I wouldn't have felt too comfortable about it before, but I'm like a few months older than you, and I know I would be fine with talking to him about that stuff now. Just convince him that he has nothing to worry about, and that he should trust you. If you make it completely clear that you just want to make friends, then I'm sure he will be completely understanding about it.
If he isn't, then maybe bring one of your guy friends to your house and hang out near your dad aswell so he can see how you interact, so there's no reason for him to think you're up to anything.
For me, going to university and living 3 hours drive away from my parents made a huge difference, they have to trust you!
2007-12-17 15:14:59 · answer #4 · answered by Jemima 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's good you know he loves you because I'm sure he does very much! Just think about all the worse situations you could be in! Some people don't even have a dad. I know mine is worse. I'm only 12 (shh don't tell) and my dad well.......When he calls I answer and he'll cuss me out. He'll call the next day and I won't answer. The next day I'll answer and he'll cuss me out for not answering the day before even though usually he doesn't call the day before he just claims he does. Then the next day he'll be as nice as ever saying he loves me, never gets to see me, blah blah blah. That is all true and he cares so much, but he shows it by buying things, which sounds good but I'd much rather have a nice polite dad then him. He has never and will never physically hurt me but it just makes me so mad when he'll cuss me out when I do nothing! I've always been as polite as I can even when he's going off on me. I really wish he'd just stay away from me. I'm not gonna go as far as saying I hate him, but I really don't like him! So just be lucky your Dad cares and loves you like mine. He's doing it because he loves you so the next time you wanna just blow up in his face remember he does! Also if it's possible try talking with him (with me that'd only end up in more screaming) and if that doesn't work try talking to your mom to talk to him! I hope everything works out for you! Anytime you need to talk I will! I know I've never met you but I don't mind talking to strangers! I wish you the best of luck! Sorry this was so long!
2007-12-17 15:23:00 · answer #5 · answered by Bobbie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mmm... WEll You SHould Talk TO your Dad, And Im Pretty Sure YOuve AlReady done that, but try it again, and try to make him UnderStand That You WOnt Always be Taking that much from him, and that soon enough you will have your own life with your own problems and your own relationsHips to worry about, he should let you gain experience and LivE Life WithOut Worrying that youll make a mistake, you can explain to him that he's been a good enough father for you not to mess up...
2007-12-17 15:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by Jim Morrison121 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wanna say be thankful to have a father that cares for u sooo much. but also i agree with u about the unsociable and not a strong conversation holder, it will weak'n those areas. i honestly feel that what will weak'n some only those strong enough to deal with or handle it can only grow stronger by it! so n a way he's kinda helping u out, not to mention the fact that alot of women today have kids and other things that may have caused them to change there life before they needed too or had a chance to have a life for themselves yet......
2007-12-17 15:19:22 · answer #7 · answered by lovelysweetblonde 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down with your dad and tell him how you feel and that you need to talk on the phone to guys so you can be social im sure if you talk he might let loose a little.
I also think that he is protecting you and dosent want to let his baby go into the big world by her self. I hope it all works out.
2007-12-17 15:14:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This shows that your dad loves you very much, you are very blessed! He cares and trying to protect you as a daughter. I'm a dad myself, I know how he feels. You would never understand a parent's heart till you are one yourself.
What you can do is to bring your guy friend home to meet him. If your dad likes or trust him, things will be fine. Lastly, show your dad your love as well. Best wishes!!
2007-12-17 15:15:50 · answer #9 · answered by George 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There really only is one other way to not explode---you gotcha talk 2 ur dad....sure it might end with tears, and yep, he`s not gonna give you many words in the convo, but just fight on with him, and mabey, he`ll break down. Get your points in order and go to quarrel!!!! OK-word of advice, if he`s anything like my mom, hide the ornaments and pans and cutlery and crap before shouting at him. BTW, he`s just too attached to you, he wants you safe, but tell him your suffocating....
2007-12-17 15:19:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋