Why are they doing this to me? Am I the one who is out of line?

Question

My husband and I are expecting our first child within days. Our families live 8 hours away. We invited our parents to come and stay at our house while we are in the hospital so they can meet the new baby. My inlaws have a German Shepherd, and I politely told them I preferred that they don't bring him this time because of the new baby (I have allergies and am worried about the baby being allergic, and he sheds, I want the house clean, etc. etc.) MIL said she couldn't come then b/c they can't put dog in a kennel because of one bad experience with a past dog, and she doesn't trust my 35yo brother in law to watch the dog. So, basically we left it at that- either I let the dog come, or they CAN'T come. Then my FIL suggested that I find them a hotel that allows pets, so I found several and that was the plan. Well now MIL told DH that she's afraid there is no place to let the dog out at hotel! She asked if she could sleep in garage with dog. I feel trapped by guilt. What should I do

Answer 1

Well I sympathize with you, it sounds like you have a high-maintenance MIL. Stick to your guns though! And don't apologize for doing what you think is best.

If you are allergic to the dog, that's reason enough to refuse the extra 4-legged house guest. But added to the fact that you're bringing home a new baby you absolutely have to insist they either find another solution or simply don't come.

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty (easier said than done, I know). As a good mother, you will have to stand up to people from time to time in order to do what you feel is best for your child.

If she respects and cares for you, she'll find another solution. She's being very selfish for not agreeing to an alternative. If anyone should be apologizing it should be her.

Thank your MIL for giving you this chance to practice being assertive and protecting your new baby.

Best of luck!!!
Jennifer
http://www.parenting-facts-for-a-healthy-planet.com/index.html

Answer 2

I would call up Grandma to be and -gently- ask her why her dog is more important than the baby that is coming. Explain to her that it is very important to YOU that they come, and although you WISH they felt more comfortable leaving the dog at a kennel, or at a hotel room, you simply cannot feel comfortable with the dog in the house with a new baby. You've researched doggy friendly hotels, and here are there options : come with doggy to a doggy friendly hotel, leave the doggy at the kennel ( most vets offer this ), leave the doggy with brother in law, or - sadly - don't come.

Sleeping in the garage with the dog is not an option. MIL will not be happy in the garage where it is cold and damp, and if she's not happy, she'll make it so no one is happy.

Congrats on your bundle of joy and do not allow MIL's neurotic behaviour to influence what you decide.

Answer 3

Stick to your guns, do you really want to have to come home from the hospital deal with family, a dog and trying to settle in to motherhood all in the first few days? I wouldnt.
and I would explain it just like that. along with explain you are worried about how the dog will react to the baby, the allergies, and the pet hair. You have just spent the last 9 monthes preparing your house for a baby and within a week a dog can easily undo any time of cleanliness you have done.
Now if the dog is allowed in your garage and you have offered that then I think your MIL is being rediculous for asking if she can stay in the garage too. that is just her being very rude. But I would say to her, yes he may stay in the garage as long as he is not in the house, and then say you can set up a doggie bed for her too if she isnt willing to sleep in a normal bed!

Answer 4

You are not wrong in this. You have every right to say what sort of animals can be in your house. If you are allergic the last thing you want to think about with a new baby on the way and then at home is your own allergies. Tell your mother in law that you have found them plenty of hotels, and that she could call them to ask what sort of rules and facilities they have for the animal (ie a yard or grass around the area, and the need to pick up the poop) and if she is not happy then that is HER choice not yours.

Answer 5

Don't feel guilty. Your mother in law loves the dog more than any other family member. What a sicko to want to sleep in the garage with the dog. Tell her either she stays at a hotel, or it's a no go. The father in law is more than welcome if he wants to come, since he can live without the dog for a few hours.

Answer 6

good luck.. I undrstand your point but I have a dog that if he wasnt invited then I wouldnt go either.. I think that you are being overly protective.. just because you are allergic and your husband how does he feel.. this is his mom and dad.. I mean can you find some place where the dog could stay that your baby isnt going to be visiting when arrival in the home.. like the laundry room and the garage.. or back side of the house.. you could send both sets of grand parents to motel\hotel.. that way it would be more even out.. but if your allergic and your husband isnt then the baby mite not be either..

Answer 7

She's being ridiculous. Surely they could find some acceptable arrangement for the dog to be taken care of. A neighbor who also is a responsible dog owner, etc. But if you are willing to let the dog come as long as it stays outside and in the garage, then if your MIL wants to sleep out there then let her...

Answer 8

thats right! Put you on a big fat GUILT TRIP!! so they can go back and tell everyone they had to sleep in the GARAGE because of the stupid B***** DIL!
Been there, Done that! And i always sucked up and was the sweet one, took it all in, wore the rug

If you dont stick to your guns NOW ..you NEVER WILL!
Put Baby FIRST NOW or Baby will AWAYS be second fiddle.to MIL,FIL and a DOG!!!

Answer 9

ok first of all studies have proven that kids raised in homes with 2 or more pets actually have FEWER allergies and less Asthma than kids raised in pet free homes so dont use allergies as an exuse...

really both sets of parents should have been invited to visit but a hotel should have been suggested.. 4 extra people in a house will he hecktic.. too much PLUS a baby.. sheesh.. all I wanted was to be left alone... you might find you feel the same way after the baby is born...

I dont blame them for not wanting to kennel the dog - but some hotels are good and do have areas for pets.. could you phone around.... remember they probably do love their dog.. it is a part of their family.. (and ya some 35yr old cannot look after them self much alone a dog.. so that could be true that they dont trust him to look after the dog)
if so I would them suggest to the other set of parents that you have thought about it and having people stay in your home might be too much and they should stay in hotel too ..
In all honesty I would suggest a HOTEL for both sets of parents and if they refuse then too bad.. guess they dont get to come.

its not guilt.. but dont use the baby as an excuse to ban the dog....

Answer 10

Have your husband intervene and tell them it's the hotel or stay home for this time. This dog is more important to MIL than your new baby, it seems to me. Stick to your guns and tell her NO.