My husband's mother has had a long history of blaming his friend for taking him away from his home city. That was more than 15 years ago. I now hold the blame card because he is staying here and not moving back. He flew out there a few times. And since I have known him (2002) he visited twice. We flew out there after Christmas 2003 so she could meet her granddaughter. A very strange visit to say the least. It was almost as if she didn't want us there. She refused to come to our wedding. Making excuse after excuse: Her job (she has weekends off), where would she stay (we would pay for her hotel), she can't afford a ticket (we'd buy her one.) She refused everything. My husband, since, refuses to talk to her. Not that she has tried to contact us. But, she doesn't even acknowledge our daughter. I continue to send pictures and cards at holidays. Although he doesn't want me to. Do you think I should keep sending them? Or just not bother. (By the way, its the same situation with his sister.)
2007-12-17 13:54:19 · 8 answers · asked by sarlha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just to explain a little further - my husband has never said a bad word against his family. So, it isn't about him being mean, or them being mean. Once, his sister told us that she was resentful because he wouldn't move back to his home city, and she thinks there mom now blames me for him staying down here. His sister then got mad at us because we kept trying different things for her to attend our wedding, and she refused. We told her we thought she was being selfish at the most important time of our lives and we wanted her there. She didn't come and there has been zero communication sense (11/2005).
So, I am trying to figure out if I should keep wasting my time sending cards and pictures. Thanks!
2007-12-17 13:57:26 · update #1
don't send any more pictures etc. if mom and sister want to act this way, so be it...
it is your husbands family let him call the shots...
2007-12-17 14:11:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law is so selfish that she can't even see that her son is able to make his own decisions. She keeps blaming other people for his choice to move away. I think the real issue is she feels he has left her, not just the city. Until she can learn to let him go and honor his choices you will be fighting a losing battle. Nothing you do will be good enough. It sounds like she has some abandonment issues.
2007-12-17 22:14:49 · answer #2 · answered by norseman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's a control-tripper and is wailing because he won't be controlled. She is playing victim, when in actuality, she was a successful parent... she reared a successful young man who is now a father.
She cannot ever be pleased or placated.
Nothing you can offer will ever make a difference.
Evenif your husband dropped everything and moved back home to mama, she wouldn't be happy because then he would be a mooch.
Don't buy into any emotional blackmail.
Sounds like she may not be very far from nursing home time.
2007-12-17 22:11:46 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a good heart, however let your Mother in Law to make a move once. Every relationship has to be balanced in order to survive. Give her time to figure things out.
Some people never grow up, and your Mother in Law is one of them. She will come around when she has to make a move.
Meanwhile remember that it is not your problem, it is her problem and you are here ready for the communication.
2007-12-17 22:12:35 · answer #4 · answered by cloud7 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, bravo to your husband for not putting up with passive-agressive pressure to "settle" for hometown life and for leaving home and finding himself a good woman!
Second-its absolutely unfair and wrong for his family to expect that your husband will build his life around them and the town they live in. If they want to be close to him they can pick up a phone or hop on a plane or better yet, rent a UHaul and move where you are. Its a two way street and really unfair to expect him to be the one who always yeilds to their demands.
Finally, yes, I think you should continue to invite his family to big events and to send cards and pictures. Just don't expect them to do the same. It looks like his family just doesn't want to put in the effort to keep that relationship alive. That is unfortunate. And its unfortunate that they blame him when it appears that he's made every effort to keep them in his life.
We don't choose our family. But we get to choose our friends and our mates. Make sure that you are being the most loving and supportive wife possible so that you can make up for the lack of a supportive family in your husband's life. And don't their their blame game get to you. Remember, it's THEIR lack of effort that is killing the relationship, not the other way around.
Good luck to you both.
2007-12-17 22:11:40 · answer #5 · answered by cyranothe2nd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't waste your time. Are these the kind of people you want surrounding your children? No. So don't waste your time. These are not decent people you'd have in your life if you weren't related, so don't bother even if they are related. Let it go and move on.
2007-12-17 23:31:05 · answer #6 · answered by oh_my_its_linda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, don't. Let her make the next move. Sounds like your better off being around such negative people in your marriage and even for your child.
2007-12-17 22:11:40 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your effort is not invain
2007-12-17 22:08:14 · answer #8 · answered by Keak T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋