A some people in our families (including my fiance's grandmother) are etiquette nazis. They jump all over us if we do something for our wedding that isn't "by the rules". It really annoys us and makes us feel like we aren't planning our own wedding.. What should we do?
2007-12-17 13:04:01 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's mostly small things like we have to have bridesmaids, a ring bearer, etc. They also think we HAVE to have our reception somewhere other than the church we're having the ceremony. It's nothing tacky at all. They just aren't "comfortable" with it because it isn't what they would do.
2007-12-17 13:15:16 · update #1
You can remind them that times have changed in regards to certain protocols for weddings.
At best, you can always get a Wedding Etiquette book from the local bookstore (my personal preference is Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette written by her daughter in a purple cover) and is very up to date on all the proper "rules" to keep those sticklers at bay.
Remember, it is your wedding. You are to be happy without upsetting folks, yet they need to give you space, this is your wedding with your spouse, not them getting remarried. Yet also see that they are doing it out of "motherly love."
Congrats.
ok, based on what you just said... here's a suggestion.
Before the next "family gathering" to talk about the wedding, get all your ducks organized. Have a folder or book with all your lists (say a wedding planner you can buy from a store) and start drafting all the notes you KNOW they will get on you & your fiance about. Think about who you would like to do what & avoid the extra mother hen approach they are giving you both.
The more you show you are in control of how you would like to see your dream, and you share that with them with the aid of that planner, the better it will be in the long run. (I really don't see you being a person that would be selfish & rude to your family) just be in a calm manner & before you go into the meetings, have a mini prayer.
2007-12-17 13:14:06 · answer #1 · answered by TPEvents 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like it doesn't have anything at all to do with etiquette. What I would suggest is when they say you can't do something because of etiquette or because it's not supposed to be done that way, do some research. Go to etiquette web sites, or search for wedding information. I am sure you will find something to debunk what they are saying. Then you can say "well according to such and such this is fine" Or find some celebrity that had X, Y and Z and say see even they are doing this.
If they are contributing money for your wedding you may have to compromise on some stuff, but if you are paying for it yourself then grin and nod and yes them to death then do it the way you want.
Bottom line is this is your special day and you should be able to plan it the way you want, BUT in the end you will have the same results whether you had 2 bridesmaids or 10, whether you had million dollar centerpieces or not. In the end you will be pledging your love to each other in front of your friends and family and that is what is important. So keep your chin up and your eye on the prize!
Good luck!
2007-12-17 13:37:00 · answer #2 · answered by Reba 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Politely remind them that this is the 21st century, and your wedding, and you will plan it your way. Times have changed since they last planned a wedding. Reassure them its still going to be a classy event, but you're making the day about you guys, as it should be.
2007-12-17 13:08:57 · answer #3 · answered by Cute Mom of 2 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Okay, what you're talking about isn't etiquette. They're just criticizing your choices. So stop telling them what your choices are. They don't need to know your plans unless they're paying for it.
2007-12-18 04:30:23 · answer #4 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be polite and willing to accept that some of yesterday's traditions and rules of etiquette still apply today. If you're being outrageously classless and disregarding manners just because you have an "It's MY day" attitude, they have every right to put you in your place.
If there are few things that are considered tacky to them but are considered socially acceptable and in good taste today, politely ask them to back off. You cannot throw manners out the window just because you're getting married. That's just rude in and of itself.
2007-12-17 13:12:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
Just say "Thanks for your advice/opinion" and leave it at that, let them see what you have done when they turn up for the day, when they see what a lovely job you have made of the plans then they won't be able to criticise anything.
2007-12-18 00:50:05 · answer #6 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's your wedding..you should do what you want to do
2007-12-17 13:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by ilene m 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋