I had a miscarrage back in june,I have had a really hard time with it..This will be the first xmas without our baby and the closer it gets the more depressed I feel..can anyone give me an idea that will make this holiday easier for me....and NO CHRISTIAN PREACHING AND NO...IT'S IN A BETTER PLACE GARBAGE!!!!
2007-12-17 12:48:17 · 33 answers · asked by tracy s 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I have a 20 month old baby,He's a sweet heart..The one that past would have been my 2nd precious baby
2007-12-17 13:07:08 · update #1
Maybe do some charity work. I know that sounds too simple and unrelated to having a miscarriage, but I think the warm feeling of doing something for others will help, and will keep your mind off of it.
Good luck. :)
2007-12-17 12:54:45 · answer #1 · answered by Meredith 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry, that's hard. i miscarried a child several years ago, and i was devastated for a while. it does get easier with time. it will help if you can do things in places without a lot babies and small children around. the hardest part for me was to see all my relatives with their kids. i realize you can't miss all the holiday stuff, but maybe you could come later or leave early to go see a movie. you could also try to host a gathering (adults only), and planning that may help distract you some. also, if you haven't already done so, give away almost everything you had for the baby. i got so upset every time i looked at a baby blanket or bottle, but when i gave it all to a friend, it helped some, not having a constant reminder in my home.
2007-12-17 12:59:12 · answer #2 · answered by halloweenie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry for your loss. perhaps name the child and hold a small memorial service in the house. remembering and accepting can help get over grief. also i am just putting this out there if you are spiritual. perhaps you need a soul retrieval. many people give others parts of their soul and that can cause an inability to move on, depression and tons of other feelings. if you believe such things then go see a shaman. i would try the memorial thing first. if you don't believe in spiritual things like that take up a psychologist.
also i heard before that when a child is lost you should keep a peice of clothing or something you gave/were going to give to it. and the child's spirit will stay around and when you get pregnant again the spirit will enter that body.
once again sorry for your loss.
2007-12-17 13:04:14 · answer #3 · answered by Dr. R PhD in Revolution 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have lost someone special and close to you and there is no way to make it easier. I think you should allow yourself to celebrate your baby's life this Christmas. Make a special ornament to remember your child. Don't hold back crying or talking about the baby. If others don't understand, then that is there problem, not yours. I am so sorry for what you are experiencing. We each grieve in our own way and just because your child was lost before it could be born does not make it any different than any other parent who has lost a child. I hope I may have helped, if even just a little.
2007-12-17 12:58:38 · answer #4 · answered by future dr.t (IM) 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I know how it feels to have lost one that you love. Note that I didn't say "loved". You obviously still have that feeling inside and that is the wonderful thing about this event. You have that positive feeling, yet it brings about a negative feeling. Yes, I am a believer, but I won't "preach" to you in the traditional sense. I've lost all of my family and am thankful for the time I got to spend with them. You still have family, correct? Speak with them. Tell them how you feel. Loving family will listen, and comfort you without saying anything. I know that you are reaching out for a reason. I hope that your honesty in coming here is rewarded with a solution (and I mean that in the sense of permanence).
There are no words that I can write here that will give you a feeling any differently about what you feel right now. You have every right to grieve. Nobody can tell you the correct way to do that. Certainly not me, especially after what I have been through.
You have the sympathies of another who has lost loved ones also.
2007-12-17 13:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by Wire Tapped 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First let me say that I am sorry for your loss. 22 years ago I lost a daughter, she lived for three hours after her head was crushed by an incompetent Dr. during the delivery, I buried her on Christmas Eve. My eyes still water at the pain of her memory and all the things I thought we would never share. It took many years for me to realize that as long as I still hold her in my heart she will never really be gone. I still talk to her, not obsessively, but sometimes, especially this time of year I try to share some of my thoughts, fears, concerns, and of course especially the joys I have had. Between those times, share all those things with someone else in your life, your husband or significant other, a friend, even a stranger who will listen. And don't be afraid to cry. Many will try to tell you that this is a time to "be strong", and they are right, but it also a time to let yourself feel that pain and know that it is normal and it is O.K. to feel it and cry. God cries with you and you WILL come through this. Your pain WILL become more bearable. And we just keep on keeping on because as long as we do, and we remember, our children will never really be gone. A part of them will live on in our hearts.
2007-12-17 13:20:40 · answer #6 · answered by keydoto 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother was killed in a car wreck by a drunk driver on Dec. 22, 2002. It is always difficult during this time of year for my family. It will aways be sad during the holidays, sorry. The good news is that it gets easier to deal with.
We always decorate the grave and light a candle in his memory. We also have a support group that helps with the loss, MADD and Bereaved Parents. Having people around you who know your pain, like other mothers who have lost their baby, will help you. Sorry, that I don' t have a magical answer.
2007-12-17 12:55:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
my heart goes out to you...I have not had that experience, but I can imagine how difficult it must be for you. I hope you are treating your depression. A low dose of antidepressant can help alot, so can talking with a therapist. Other things I would suggest would be helping others, joining a support group, and yes, honor your feelings of loss and grieve. Remember your baby is with you in spirit. Focus on the love you have for your child and send them love and prayers.
2007-12-17 12:59:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Enjoy the child you have. Let go of what happened. It very well may have been natures way of letting go of something that may not have brought you the pleasure that you so seek. Yesterday is over and you have many tomorrows to look forward to and having another child is probably in the future.
Miscarriages are maladies of nature. Many suffer miscarriages you should never feel alone.
2007-12-17 13:17:35 · answer #9 · answered by Tricia R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Dear Friend,
I am deeply sorry for your loss and I agree with what another friend wrote. There are no words that we can give that will be of any real use. The only thing that I can say is the tenderness that you feel use. Use it to love others. Let the love that you feel for your child fill you and let that love flow from you. Allow yourself to feel the way that you feel. It is okay. Find a friend, or a counselor and speak with him/her, or maybe even join a support group.
My dear beloved friend, even though you feel that you are alone, we are here for you. Feel free to contact me, or any number of your other friends here, or anywhere. Know that you are loved.
sending love
2007-12-17 13:11:04 · answer #10 · answered by wadkinsjames 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋