Can we have a discussion about depressed Seniors at Christmas?

Question

I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm not
looking for a psychologist or some new
meds. I actually don't know WHAT I'm
looking for. I am a very strong and tough and self-sufficient person, but I'm beginning to fall apart, like a jellyfish.
Being alone at Christmas has never bothered me before, I don't know why it is now.
I do know tho that I'm not the only one
on here that is beginning to feel like
???.
I know this is not a question and "they"
can delete me if they want. Maybe I just want to know how someone else
made it (alone) thru Christmas day.

I think I'm coming out of it now. It's quite a bit
later and I'm about 3/4 tanked, so no worries
mates.

Sorry folks: Had to close my email. A person took offense at one of my answers and has become a raving maniac, so until she moves on or gets some Valium, it will stay closed awhile.
Have a great Christmas all. I'm doing much better. THANKS!!!!

Wish I could give you all the 10 pts. cause all
the answers were so full of love and caring.
We really do have a great bunch here on Seniors.

Answer 1

Hi, I am alone and feeling very depressed also. Nothing that I have had suggested to me helps me at all. I do not have the energy to help others nor the inclination. I hate the activities they have here at the senior housing , I live in and I also hate the gifts they bring around. Nothing I'd like or can use and i feel like a charity case when they bring them.

I just tune out. Get a book and go to bed. I have a hard time from the weekend before thanksgiving until the week after the new year. I lost my partner, my house, my cats, my car, my Christmas things, most of my other things and most of my money. I got a dog. Having her is keeping me alive right now. I am disabled and do not get out much in the cold weather. I wish my family was more available. they had me for T-day dinner and will have me for Christmas eve. One sis had me over for an evening after she got her tree up. this is not enough for me . They think it is alot as they have to come and get me. I am 3 miles away from 2 of the sis. They are very busy. they work. I feel sad.

Answer 2

Some years are worse than others.

I have developed some coping mechanisms for the holidays. It's helping make them less depressing. I quit having expectations of friends, family, myself. I plan some things that I enjoy and do them, alone if no one else want to. i.e. dress up, go to the mall, have a hot drink and watch the shoppers. Drive by and look at Christmas lights. Plan a gift for someone needy that I don't know. It makes me feel good and relieves the depression.
I decorate only as much as I feel like. If I don't do much, I enjoy the decorations that are everywhere else. I always buy myself a Christmas and birthday gift that is something I really want and is special to me.
Often I avoid many of the Christmas shows that come on so early in the season. If I'm feeling depressed, I just stay away from the Christmas thing for a few days and do stuff that takes my mind off the fact that it's the holidays. Sometimes I increase my medication to off set the depression. Maybe I'm getting better but I think I've just learned how to make the time more enjoyable and less disappointing and nostalgic for me.

Answer 3

I know it's very hard to be alone on any holiday. You have been given some good advice, volunteering is how I dealt with it when I was alone on a couple Thanksgivings. My family lives in other areas and my husband had to work, so I volunteered at a local church that was serving dinners to those in need. I really enjoyed my time there talking to all the people l met and helping others have a nice meal. I think it's hard for us now that families are so far apart, I know I remember how things were when all my family spent holidays together.

There are some great people here who really care, as you can see by their answers. So if you can't get out or don't want to, this is a very good place to be for Christmas. My best wishes and may the new year bring better things for you!---Luvs

Answer 4

I shall either spend it alone or with my daughter (if invited). I'm used to being alone quite a lot so that does not trouble me. I don't do decorations or hang cards up anymore. I'm not expecting many because I send only a handful now. If carol singers call I give to the first ones (providing they actually sing a Carol and not "We wish you a merry Christmas") and any others who call I don't give to or I'd have 24 lots of singers here. I swear they use jungle telegraph to tell each other who gives and who doesn't. Silly me, they all have mobile 'phones now. I don't start Christmas in August and I don't go overboard on baking and other such things. The meal, whether it's just me or others, is just like a Sunday dinner really. I could not cope with all those extras which some think are essential. I'll buy one Christmas cake, 2 boxes of mince pies, a large chicken and a selection of vegetables and do what I can with that.

Answer 5

I can truly relate to what you're saying, Hosanna. I get the same way this time of year, and it is a wild emotional roller coaster ride for me. It wasn't until recently that I could put a true description to the holiday depression, which until then was sort of frightening.

For me it is grief, through too much loss; i.e., health, resulting in the loss of family, friends, career, etc. No support, involvement or validation from these people. Just abandonment and neglect. Since the holidays are a time for FAMILY, I feel the loss most strongly right now. The pain of it that I carry below the surface all year, comes to the surface from the first week before T-Day until a day or two after Christmas day.

This discovery, of course, doesn't resolve the grief, but it removes the mystery and fear of how I feel, which makes me feel a lot better.

I hope you will find your answer, too.

Answer 6

I wish you lived here, you would be at my house for Christmas day along with two other seniors who will also be here, that have no where else to spend Christmas.

I have had many solitary Christmases, when I was not married and my kids were all 2500 miles away, and parents not living. What did I do? I remember not dwelling on the fact that it was Christmas and I was alone, and got a movie or good book, made popcorn and settled in, then called both kids and talked to everybody. I also remember going to the senior center here once, and helping serve meals. I have always had a Christmas tree and put up decorations, even tho I was alone. If I had not, I would have really felt worse.

Once I spent the day with friends, and that was nice. And I also remember falling apart and crying all day because I was alone.

I am also a self-reliant, tough person, but I guess we all have our tender sides. I did find that keeping myself busy helped a lot, kept me from thinking about being a lonely only.

Blessed be, and remember these things too shall pass, and soon it will be Dec 26.

Answer 7

We all have times like that. I do have a couple of family members with me at Christmas, but sometimes I feel it's not enough. As a carer I do feel isolated and Dad is difficult which really gets me down, But being basically a very cheerful person I try to enjoy the good food and wine and my sister is with me so we cheer each other up. If you are absolutely alone, the suggestion of helping at some charity is a good one, or just cook yourself a really ripper Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, set the table, make everything beautiful, play good music, and enjoy!!

Answer 8

I'm glad that you're feeling better now. I hope that you feel good in the morning too. I've been there myself. I'm not a senior myself, but this Christmas season is getting more difficult every day. It seems the bad news just never stops. Sometimes a few drinks and a good cry can really help. I had one of those last week. I woke up with my eyes swollen and a bit of a headache, but all in all, I felt much better. Remember, you can always ask questions here! ♥

Answer 9

While I am not exactly alone (kids-but no partner) at the holidays I used to suffer from depression every year. Not sure that it's just seniors or just being alone. I think it affects lots of us. We have such high expectations at this time of year, for ourselves for others and no one can live up to them. We want to reincarnate the Christmas's from our childhood.
The best thing you can do is 1)take care of yourself-eat-sleep exercise 2) treat yourself to something special 3) Find a way to help those less fortunate than you. It doesn't have to be much, visit a nursing home, visit children in a hospital, write letters to wounded serviceman (Silk gave us the address a few days ago) invite other singles over for a potluck Christmas dinner. But most of all remember that this will pass. If it doesn't please see your doctor. I suffered from depression for years before I got diagnosed and treated. I think of how much I suffered needlessly. And please let us know if we can be of any help. No matter what you are going through, at least one of us will have gone through the same thing. Good Luck.

Answer 10

I'm soo sorry to hear you are feeling so low.

The best remedy is to GET OUT and do other things. I KNOW when you are depressed that sometimes the last thing you want to do is go out but staying home alone is the worst thing you can do.

I am sure there must be volunteer agencies like the Red Cross or Meals on Wheels (do you have that in the US) that will be more than grateful for some help this time of year.

Look around in your local area. Try your local newspaper sometimes there are ads in there for local aid groups that need help.

hope this helps,