I NEED HELP! specially parents (my 14 yr old)?

Question

well i have a big problem with my 14 yr old actually i am using her account since i dnt have a YA! so i am usin my daughters.

anyway this is what happend her teacher came to my house and haded me the paper which my kid had done and this is how she had handed in 600 lines given to her by her class teacher

""i will not misbehave in class or disturb the class ever again and i will learn to respect my elders" x 600

it is quite funny but i cannot just let it pass she is 14 years and cnt go around behavin like this her behavior is very bad and she is very naughty espesially in school she is a bit smarter than her age but i am certainly not pleased with her behaviour.

my question is can anyone tell me a suitable punishment for my 14 year old mischievous dauhter?

she was using the computer and she's grounded!!!!

what can i do abt this as well ??????????????

Answer 1

I used to be a super rebellious teenager, who have done everything (except trying recreational drugs), from letting my straight As drop to Ds and Fs to snapping and talking back to adults (parents, their friends, teachers, & other school personnels), and even attempted suicide. The more I got punished, the MORE rebellious I became. From all of that rough experience, I became a teen counselor, advocate, and spokesperson for teens in different high schools. This is my insights into our minds:

1. Such behavior is definitely a SERIOUS cry for YOUR attention, not the teachers' attention.

2. There's something your child is ANGRY about and she feels frustrated at not being able to, or not knowing how to, tell you or resolve the issue(s). The biggest part of the anger stems from thinking that NOBODY CARES enough to ASK me what was wrong or what was bothering me. All that everybody had done was just lecturing at me or talked down to me, like I was the worst, the most evil person on the planet.

3. Take a few hours off your busy daily schedule and take your daughter out to lunch, or do some activities that she likes. Taking her to her favorite activity will REMOVE her defenses and open her heart up for communication. Start by telling her that she has your full, undivided attention now. Start with a brief statement that IDENTIFIES her feelings (put a name to her feelings). Teens already have so much to juggle between academics, self-discovery journey, and peer pressure, so if you can correctly name all the emotions she's trying to cope with right now, you can build a bridge for open communication. The reason teens shut up and don't share anything with adults is because we don't think that adults can understand what we're going through. In trying to name her emotions, put yourself in her shoes and REMEMBER how you once felt when you were her age. It's OK that teens don't understand how hard it is to be a parent, but, as a parent, you would most definitely be able to identify with her feelings, because you have already experienced teen years.

4. After identifying her feelings and showing her that you understand, then ask her what she's angry about. Do that by telling her a story of your own experience that shows her you know that familiar anger and/or frustration. Tell her what other stuff you've done in the past to vent out your anger.

5. Once you show her that you can be a friend to her, then you tell her how INEFFECTIVE her method of venting really is and why. Tell her how disappointed and frustrated YOU feel toward her behavior. Talking about your negative emotions openly will show her the perfect example of what you just said about venting in an ineffective manner.

6. Then ask her for HER input about how to handle this dilemma she's currently in. Of course she won't want any punishment. But ask her what are some effective methods to address this current issue that she got herself into. What's a good way to mend the relationships between her and the teachers? What's a good way for her to mend YOUR broken heart in disappointment toward her behavior? What can she do from now on to keep open communication with you, so that this type of communication problems don't surface again? By involving her in this type of thinking up solutions, you will actually make HER be responsible for her own actions. This way, you're not punishing her like a toddler, but rather treating her like a teenager, who should be responsible to make amends (real-life, concrete solutions) for what she has done. If she gets stuck, then offer your ideas as suggestions. By addressing the issue, you are not “letting it go,” thereby you're making a statement that she and her behaviors (good or bad) are IMPORTANT to YOU.

7. Write down all the possible solutions that you BOTH have named. And give a specific time frame for her to carry out those actions. Keep her ACCOUNTABLE to what she said and promised to do. Give her a deadline of what to do by when, for each action she named. Then you write a list of possible REWARDS for each SUCCESSFUL outcome (not just for carrying out the actions). Don't just buy her stuff or give her gift cards, but reward her with activities that you can both do together. If she likes shopping, then take her malling together with you, but she can still shop with her own allowance so you don't have to spend an extravagant amount of money on shopping. If you do reward with a gift card, then still take her shopping together with you, but limit the spending to only the gift card and nothing more.

It is not punishment that will get us to be more open and less rebellious, but rather a parent's time, patience, and loving and caring efforts that will get our attention. Be our friend. Be there for us. LISTEN to us with an open heart instead of condemning us as the evil monster that needs to be chained.

Answer 2

The teacher should have handled this in school, I remember I tried this when I was in school and I coped to go back and do it properly only the amount was doubled. I never did it again and took my fair whack next time, amazing what missing a few recess periods can do.

As she is grounded and is not allowed to use the computer together with what, the teacher should have done that should have been enough. So really you are in a no win situation here because what ever you do she will have no respect for the teacher because she was dobbed in.

Answer 3

I would start taking away things she values until her behavior changes. But you need to make sure you tell her why you are taking these things away. My 9 yr old backtalked the teacher 2 yrs ago and I grounded him off his computer, tv, and gameboy until the end of the school year (approx 2 mths). He got the point and turned his behavior around. She has to understand that bad behavior has consequences.

I agree with making her write out the 600 lines. She has to understand that teacher is an authority figure that should be respected. You need to back up the teacher with that punishment. If your daughter doesn't follow through then start making her life difficult. I doubt it will take long for her to turn around.

Good luck.

Answer 4

OK wait, why was she disruptive? Have you asked her? I myself was quite the bad teenager but a lot of it was because I was smart and bored. When teens are smart and bored they tend to get great joy out of aggravating the "dumb people in control" no offense. Ask her what's going on. Maybe her teacher is messing with her. Maybe not, but have you asked or do you just blindly side with the teacher because she's the authority figure? Your daughter is 14 she isn't a child she should be able to express to you at least to a degree what her problem is. If she's going crazy in class maybe she can draw or read a book or something instead of being disruptive that tway her teacher will chill out and she can avoid conflict with her. High school is hard. Try listening to your daughter though, don't be a push over but don't be her enemy either or it'll just make things worse for all involved.

Answer 5

Actually, it's not funny! Her work shows she has no regard for authority....the teacher's or yours. That's something to cry over, not laugh in secret about.

As the parent, you must back up the teacher in the punishment she gave. That means your daughter sits down ASAP and writes out the sentence 600 times - for real.

You will probably have to supervise this somewhat, and that's ok. She cannot get up from the table and socialize or eat or take phone calls or get on the computer until it's done.

And then she needs to apologize to the teacher - on the phone or in writing. This will reinforce the lesson that her elders are deserving of respect.

Answer 6

That behaviour is not remotely funny and your daughter is not 'mischievous'. Her behaviour is totally unacceptable and you need to take some responsibility for it. Having a parent who thinks it is amusing certainly won't have helped your daughter's behaviour.
Being badly behaved is not a sign of intelligence and she will not do well in her studies if she continues to misbehave.
Go to a parenting class and learn some strategies to help you be a responsible parent.

Answer 7

Have her write it 600 times as she should have done the first time and I don't know if I wouldn't have her write it an extra 600 times. I have a 13 year old that lied to me over and over and over for two weeks. She is on what I call "hell" punishment. Scrubbing the kitchen floor with a toothbrush, cleaning everything and anything, and when that's all done she is reading Moby Dick and getting quizzed on it by her father. After three days of hell punishment she has done a 180 and is bending over backwards to behave herself.

Answer 8

Obviously, she doesn't have respect for her elders, and that includes you.

Even if the teacher's punishment is a little monotonous, that's not the point. The issue here is she defied authority and must not be allowed to get away with it.

I agree with the lady above - make her write it and turn it in correctly!

Answer 9

I would show her the types of jobs that someone who doesn't finish high school can have and where they live and shop. Then I would show her the jobs of people who have finished high school and where they live and shop. Then I would show her the jobs of people who finish college and where they live and shop. Your success in school is directly linked to how well you do in life and how much you are able to enjoy it. Trips to beaches, to exotic cities. The best clothes. The best health care. The nicest cars. Those are the rewards of those who work hard.

Answer 10

listen my parents take away everything from me and that doesn't bother me one bit!
i dont mind the compputer of tv being taken away
take her stuf and sell it in a garage sale for like 1$ she will be sooo pissed at the same time will get the point