My daughter has been naughty all year. The last few weeks, I keep reminding her if she is bad that Santa will not bring her any presents. She just shrugs like it's no big deal.
She has acted out several times in her after school program in the last few months which has led me to being called out of work each time. We also had a meeting on how we can help her not act out so that we don't have to keep going through this.
This whole acting out problem of hers is making me loose out on hours & pay. Plus she has been suspended for a day as well, so once again another day out of work. Now every day she dosen't go to her afterschool program, or she has to be picked up early I still have to pay them.
I'm a single mom of 2 kids my daughter is 7 and my son is 4. Now with all the time I have lost out of work & still paying for her child care has put me now in a tight financial spot because I haven't worked as much as I should have. I am thinking about not putting ANY presents under the tree
2007-12-17 11:37:40 · 26 answers · asked by jenniferlemoine2007 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
for her. Is it wrong that I don't put any gifts under the tree for her. Her brother will have some, but I am strongly considering that she get nothing. Because she hasn't earned them, no deserves them.
I do know other family members have boughten her gifts, should I let her accept them or tell them to return them, so that everyone is on the same page?
Please help.
Fusterated Mom
2007-12-17 11:40:27 · update #1
She has been diganosed with adhd and is currently on medications for it. They help but a lot of it is her just looking for attention the wrong way and she thinks it's funny (sometimes)
2007-12-17 11:56:59 · update #2
Sometimes you have to do things that you may not want to. Some lessons are hard to learn and also hard to deliver. Just do what you feel is right for your family.
2007-12-17 11:42:37 · answer #1 · answered by general_jimbo 3 · 6⤊ 3⤋
I don't know what your beliefs are, but Christmas is about remembering what God did for us by sending his son her to be with us, guide us, not about presents. If your not a christian you can look at christmas as being a time to remember what our families mean to us and to spend time together or to connect. You dont have to have presents for Christmas. However I think it might do more damage to give one child presents and not the other. Since the other child is so young, you could try cutting back on the gifts and make it simple. Maybe your daughter might not get something from santa if you want but make sure you get her something if your getting your other child presents. you don't even have to spend alot for your 4 year old hes young enough he wont know the diffrence in 3 gifts or 20 and by the time they get the other gifts from friends and family it all ads up. You sound like youre streaching yourself too far. Maybe you should get counceling for yourself so you can relieve some streess and have someone you can bounce your ideas off of on how to deal with your children. Since money is a problem they may have free groups you can join that include others in the same situation as you, or you could even start a group. Moms could discuss their problems, feeling, have a special day together, or even take turns babysiting so you can all have sometime for yourselves. Its important to take care of yourself and get help for everyone involved in your family not just the child with the problem.
2007-12-17 20:34:51 · answer #2 · answered by loquitaamericana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister had the same problem last year with her then 6 year old. (he is 7 now too). She put coal in his stocking and although she bought presents, he didn't have any from Santa. Well sorry to say it didn't work as well as the behavior deterrent as she thought. He didn't care and continued to be defiant. Perhaps having NO presents would make more of an impact. However, from a psychological standpoint (and financial) it does not make sense rewarding bad behavior by buying Christmas presents which are supposed to be for good boys and girls. I support your plan to not buy presents, but just beware that it might not have the impact that you want.
2007-12-19 08:27:25 · answer #3 · answered by Asherter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you have to do what is right for your family.
My personal opinion is that she is only 7 and that she should have some gifts. It is Christmas...
I know that you want to teach her that she has to behave... this is a tough call.
I would maybe not give her a "big gift" but I think that she should get some.
ADHD is a tough thing to deal with and although she knows right from wrong sometimes she cannot control her impulses.
Have you talked to her Dr about adjusting and/or switching her meds? It may be something as simple as that.
I know that it has cost you (literally) but I just feel for a 7 yr old, she obviously is going through something. In this case I don't believe that "tough love" is the solution. She needs to know that you support her. Work a lot on positive reinforcement and see how that goes.
2007-12-17 13:42:25 · answer #4 · answered by Heather 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have put yourself into a tight spot by telling her that Santa will be your rule enforcer. Well, if that's the case, then unless she sprouts wings in the next few days, apparently Santa won't be bringing her too much. I suggest Santa give her a small toy and a simple letter. As far as you and the family giving her toys, here's a question for you: Are you disappointed in her behavior and want her to quit, or have you stopped loving her?
Toughen up. Give her equal presents with her brother. Let others give her gifts. Treat her like the excellent child she is.
Let her have a beautiful Christmas. Obviously something else is going on to make her behave this way. To take away the most exciting day of the year (for most children)... will that have the effect you desire?
The behavior is a separate and serious issue. You could use some help with parenting this little one. Do you have insurance through your employment that will pay for counseling or parenting classes? Is there a Department of Social and Health Services or Child Services in your area that can recommend a counselor on a sliding fee scale? I highly recommend the Love and Logic institute (info available online). They help to teach consequences for positive and negative behavior and help you to place it squarely where it belongs each time, and do it lovingly. Another excellent resource, often with videos available at public or school libraries, is Barbara Coloruso, who does a lot of parenting education as well.
Best Wishes to you~!
2007-12-17 12:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by purplesometimes 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
I commence wrapping Christmas can provide December 1st and unfold them out over the month, because of the fact i like to wrap can provide. I placed them under the tree as quickly as i'm achieved with them so as that the wrapping job would be enjoyed. The Santa can provide bypass under the tree on Christmas Eve, after each physique's in mattress. This 12 months i could finally end up commencing as much as wrap in mid-late November, inspite of the undeniable fact that. the autumn Semester is commencing late, so it will run late, and finals would be putting various tension on me for various the time earlier Christmas.
2016-10-02 00:48:08 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in a similar situation. Santa is filling a stocking, and leaving a note reinforcing why there will be no gifts under the tree this year.
I have a...difficult...family. So I was not able to get them on board with my decision. Therefore, if they can be returned, they will be. If not, all other gifts she receives will be put on restriction like the rest of her toys are right now.
It's the hardest thing to do, I'm learning. But God help me I will get through to this child one way or another.
Good luck whatever you choose. Only you know what will truly make an impact on her.
2007-12-17 15:45:32 · answer #7 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I personally don't think it is wrong to not do that but you also have to think of what she may do if the 4 year old gets things and she doesn't. It could cause a bigger mess than what is happening now. Have you tried taking things away from her that she likes to do? If not I would do that and see what happens. If that doesn't work then I would try making her write sentences for acting out in afterschool care. I hope this helps you with your question.
2007-12-17 11:54:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, that is not really the best idea, she is only a seven year old. The message she will get is that you love your son but not her. Children do not think rationally, in fact they use what psychology calls "magical thinking."
Taking away good stuff is a poor punishment for a young child and not that great for an older one either.
Children have a limited time association. If you punish her for something she did two hours ago, even if you explain it to her she will think she is being punished for whatever she did ten minutes ago.
So if you don't punish the child shortly after the act they really don't know why they are being punished.
She is having the classic dominance fight with you. Every time she acts out at home, punish her immeadiately, make her take a time out right then, if she mouths off tell her that is not respectfull and double the time out.
Because of time association, it's not that you have to make the punishment fit the crime, you have to make the punishment immediately after the bad act. So taking things away is ineffective, insisting that she 1) does the time out there and then when the bad act is done, 2) enforce your dominance and don't let her talk back to you. Time outs work but you have to be tough and consistent.
Eventually you will show that you are dominant and she will calm down. It's a stage all children go through, it's not that she's bad, it's just she is going through a natural stage and at that stage you have to establish you are boss.
In other words you have to be a big meanie and everytime she gets out of that chair sometimes you have to enforce it physically, if word don't work, by not letting her move unless it's back to the chair and saying just the word "No" over and over again. "No" children understand.
New Information:
If she has been diagnosed with ADHD, I agree with the poster above, medication isn't enough. Both of you need to get some help on how to handle her. You are talking about maybe 5 to 10 sessions in order for the psychologist to work with you and explain what is going on and learn how to handle it effectively. Taking away presents for ADHD is like taking away presents because of a broken leg.
2007-12-17 11:56:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 4⤋
If you think she's acting out now just wait till after you give her nothing for Christmas.
She's only 7 years old. She won't associate her behaviour with no presents she'll associate it with love. I have a child with ADHD as well.
As for her after school program, do you think you could find a different arrangement? Maybe it's too regimented or maybe it's not scheduled enough?
I know she's frustrating and it's tough but hang in there. I pray you can spend some great time together at Christmas and things will calm down.
2007-12-17 14:45:17 · answer #10 · answered by pinkpiglet126 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
i would give her something small and keep the rest tell her that if she behaves all week then she will get one. Try positive reinforcement, had to understand but seems to work better for my 4 year old then any taking away of stuff and punishment.
I dint think that no presents are right, cause that will cause problems between her and your son, special treatment for him is not the right move.
Good Luck!
2007-12-17 20:42:02 · answer #11 · answered by cbk6216 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋