Gay kid giving up on live because of family....?

Question

I met a teenage boy over the weekend outside of a church (i guess his youth group is there or something, i was picking up my friend from hers) anyways, we started talking (about the same age) and he told me he was gay. So i started asking him questions about being a Gay in a Christian community.
Apparently he feels BAD about being gay which i think it really sad. They've scared him about going to Hell so much that he's decided to live the rest of his life alone....no love. Ever. He also said he's tried to be straight but it didn't work. He isn't telling his parents ever but he is still never going to actively seek a partner or anything like that ever.

I thought this was really sad and tried telling him that God doesn't care if you like men or women, he just wants yout o be happy (assuming their is a God, I'm sort of on the fence on that one)
a man over heard me and started yelling at me that "sin was sin" and so i just left.

I have this guys number, how can i help him?

x z - hahaha are you serious?

Alex: i told him that. That God wouldn't have made him the way he was if he didn't want him to be that way. He thinks it's because God is testing him.

NO i am not gay. I am not even a guy. Yes i am a teenager. And it is NOT a sin. He hasn't even DONE anything with another guy.

Anyways he told me he was gay because I started asking him questions about Christianity (i'm Agnostic. I think. lol) anyways i was saying how some Christians tend to go overboard and how most religions were pure BEFORE the medieval ages where everythign was misinterpreted and he told me he was gay.

Answer 1

This kid is being sexually abused by his Church. Not physically: it's emotional and spiritual abuse. Unfortunately, this kind of sexual abuse of young people is still legal.

Part of the way that sexual abuse works is to isolate the victim from help, and make him feel as though the abuse is his fault. It is common for people who have suffered sexual abuse to feel that their capacity to love and be loved is worthless (or "sinful"), and that they will be alone for ever. This is part of the indoctrination of abusers. The hysterical reaction of the man who yelled at you both was because your new friend was tentatively trying to reach out and break that isolation.

What this young man needs is people who will listen to him, not necessarily people who will give him advice or tell him how he really feels or ought to feel or what he needs to do. He has had enough of that.

Be prepared to listen, to give him space to talk about what he really feels, and not to judge. If you can do that, you will help a great deal.

Answer 2

That is so sad. He needs to not give up on love. Plenty of people choose to abstain from sex for their religious beliefs but still manage to have love in their lives. Maybe he could join one of those groups of teens who have chosen to save themselves? They support each other and develop friendships and they do charity stuff for the community. That helps fill the heart with love. Being involved in something is always good therapy. If he chooses that route, he need not make a decision about "the rest of his life" until later on because his choice is to remain pure for his faith for now. That would at least buy him some time and perhaps some peace until he becomes an adult and gets out and experiences that the whole world is not all like the people of his church/community.

Answer 3

I agree with everything you say -- except this... If you feel gay couples deserve all the same rights, why not the word itself? In modern culture, marriage has become a two pronged concept -- a cultural expression and a contractual expression. It has become dissociated from its ties to religion; it is an institution all its own. In the TV series 'Farscape', one of the characters, Rigel, has this word 'frell' he uses quite often. 'Frell' conjugates and is used exactly as the so-called "f word". "Go frell yourself," "this is un-frelling-believable," "oh frell," are all phrases Rigel has been heard to utter. And yet the FCC has never stopped the use of the word 'frell' -- simply because it isn't the "f word." Which is TRULY more important, the sound, or the meaning? And if the meaning, well, since you're willing to give all the MEANING to gay couples - why not dispense with the religious placation in this supposedly religiously free country, and give us the sounds with it? 'Civil union' is to 'Frell' what 'Marriage' is to the "F Word" -- all of the meaning, none of the cultural knee-jerk reaction. Maybe the culture should just get over itself. Marriage sacred? Christians lost the right to use that claim when the divorce rate topped 50%, and is even higher amongst Christians.

Answer 4

You sound like the kind of friend this guy needs. Its so hard for young people who are gay, especially if they are in a religion that condemns it. I have a good friend who is going through this right not. I do not want to tell him to leave his church (he is a very devout catholic) but I want him to feel the freedom to have a normal life. Those of you who think being gay is a choice should talk to someone like this. He desperately wants to live a life with love. He tried to make himself straight and its not working. All I can do at this point is listen and tell him I think he is a good person.

Answer 5

First, that's great that you feel moved to help this boy. Continue to live life with that type of compassion.

Second, the man who started yelling at you behaved ignorantly, but what you quoted him saying was accurate.

Third, please don't tell this boy that God doesn't care if you like men or women, he just wants you to be happy. You've already confessed to not knowing if there is a God--so how can you know HIM and what He cares about or wants from us? I know you mean well, but life isn't just about individuals being happy.

Answer 6

Jim Bakker's son, Jay Bakker, is part of Revolution Church. I believe, or at least I recall from watching him on television, that he tried to be accepting of the groups that other Christian churches ostracized, including gays. I remember watching a segment on TV once where he went to a gathering of gays and transsexuals and just sat and watched and realized that they were warm and loving people and that they're often left on the outside looking in and feeling shunned. He endeavored to make them feel welcome and was trying to get his church to open their doors to them. Not sure how he made out, but it's one direction you might think of sending this guy.

EDIT: Here's his church: http://www.revolutionnyc.com/

From Wikipedia: "Jay Bakker's philosophy towards Christianity: Because his philosophy of inclusiveness extends to gays and gay marriage, Bakker falls outside of the beliefs of many in the conservative Christian community. When Larry King asked him if he was "part of the liberal sect of Christianity," he said that he was "more liberal than most". He also decries the influence of politics in religion, saying that it prevents civil discussion of topics such as homosexuality and abortion."

I remember all the scandals involving his parents, and I have to say that watching his show on TV, I really admired the kid for going against the grain, so to speak. He and his father don't have a very close relationship, and part of that may be because of his inclusiveness of people that "normal" churches often turn away.

It's sad that religion turns people away. It's one of the aspects of it that turns people off. I hate to think that perhaps there are people who've chosen to end their lives due to the lack of acceptance when they're seeking spiritual help. If we are to believe that God created us, then God should accept us exactly as he made us. But then again, I'm one of those heathens who believes that a person can't choose their sexual preference...

Answer 7

I don't know, but I'm going to find out! (And you made me smile. The spirit of Christmas in you for sure) I'm an atheist but I could give a fig about his god belief. Let me find some links. I know some churches that are just FINE with belief in god + gayness.

Ok, the "First Congregational Church" is FINE with gays. In my town, they have a big honking rainbow flag in front of their church. In addition you have this article, where a major denomination is trying to run ads on CNN advertising that gays are welcome: http://money.cnn.com/2004/12/01/news/fortune500/jesus_ad_ban/

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay and he doesn't need to change or to live his life alone. And I would also remind him that the bible talks a lot more about "being fat" and lying than it does about homosexuality. Jesus himself said not one word about it. The OT says its an "abomination" but then, it says eating shrimp is an abomination. He just needs to move away from hateful people.

Answer 8

Call him and talk to him- Sounds like he just needs some moral support-
People sin everyday; They have premarital sex, they lie, they cheat, they backstab...why homosexuality is suddenly the #1 sin in their minds is beyond me.
And if it is a sin, it's still none of their business- Only God can judge him.
Tell those self righteous people "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

It's very Christian of you to care about him:):):)

Answer 9

"They've scared him about going to Hell so much that he's decided to live the rest of his life alone....no love. Ever."

If this isn't a perfect description of why I will forever remain an Atheist, I don't know what is.

Answer 10

If you are a teenager also, then maybe just be a friend. That would probably be better than trying to help directly, at least for now.