Am I wrong to demand this his time?

Question

A little after thanksgiving I asked my boyfriend what his X-mas plans he said he was doing nothing. So I invited him over to my for X-mas dinner @ my house and he agreed. Just recently, he told me that his mom said that his family was coming down from out of town and I suppose she was expecting him to be home X-mas. So recently someone asked him his X-mas plans ...he was like I am going home for X-mas forgetting that he had already committed to X-mas dinner w/ my family.

So when he told me this I became really upset...b/c how is he going make plans w/ me then 4-get... (1) Don't you think that he should stick w/ the plans of spending dinner w/ me? I mean am I wrong to want to spend the holidays w/ him. He was like his mom is going be mad. What about making me mad /upset b/c I will be?He just saw all his family on Thanksgiving.I am not saying that he cant be w/ him family...he can go be w/ his family over the weekend, X-mas eve and morning.he would still get to spend time w/ me.....

We have been dating for 3 years...I am cool w/ his mom. My only question here is that I wanted us to spend X-mas 2-gether..b/c we r always separte..his mom lives 2 hrs away...I told him y cant he spend the weekend, X-mas eve and morning w/ his family. He would have spent time w/ them then..and then drive back for my dinner (2 hrs)...he was like I dunno that his mom might get mad. I am like though if I invited u & we r a couple how r we gonna grow when it @ time like this it may seem like he dont wanna be around my family?

Answer 1

I think that you're right he shouldn't have committed to Christmas dinner with you and your family until he was sure that he hadn't any other plans, and now that he agreed he should keep the commitment

Answer 2

Its really difficult this... and it causes way too many problems for a lot of people.
I think you are just going to have to bear with it and see how it goes. If his mum is expecting him because the family are here from out of town thats a bit different to your scenario where you are there all the time.

Your OWN families should come first regardless. You with yours and him with his. REGARDLESS.

What you DONT want to do is cause so much grief that you just end up ruining the whiole thing for both of you and your families.
I think girl and boyfriends all have to just accept that mothers can be frightfully demanding at the best of times, but atr christmas with all the effort that goes in they are ten times more demanding than ever. You wait till you become a Mum you will think of this then.. mark my words

I think this time you are going to have to accept that you may not get to spend at least the christmas eve / day with him.

Boxing Day though is a different ballgame altogether. Wherever Xmas Day etc was, Boxing Day is at the other place! Just dont work yourself up too much about it & make yourself a statistic by taking the name of it literally!

Answer 3

First off. It's not "X-mas". It's "CHRISTmas". Get it right.

Secondly, in the the great relationship/dating food chain, girlfriends sadly rand just above, "shampooing the rug" on the priority list. All men (Some more than others) feel this need to please their parents ESPECIALLY their mothers. (Like I said, some more than others). And God help you if his mother is an overbearing, emotional drama queen. (Think Marie Barone of 'Everybody Loves Raymond') IF her little boy even THINKS about putting her second on the priority list especially around the holidays then she'll never be happy with you. Like the old saying goes, "If momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!".

All I'm saying is that right or wrong, moms are on the top of the relationship/dating foodchain. Now, you can try to involve her in your plans and throughout the year get to know her better. This way by next year she will know more about you and will most likely ask her son if the BOTH of you can visit for the holidays. You have to pick your battles if you want to ultimately win.

Answer 4

Well, depending on how old you are, you've gotta think that if his parents are mad at him, then they might not feel so great about letting him hang out with you so much.

I don't think it would be a good idea getting into an argument about him spending Xmas dinner with you though.
If you can't think of something, then just try to make a compromise.
Say maybe, instead of dinner, lunch or the weekend instead of spending the weekend with his family?

Answer 5

ok why don't you talk to him about this that would probably help more than some one else opinion on if thats wrong.

I don't think its really fare to blame him that he forgot because thanksgiving and x-mas are so far apart things kinda slip your mind although its also not good that he forgot.

Secondly X-mas is one of those times of year that families get together and stuff its just something you are kinda stuck doing.

Heres my advice why don't you compromise maybe you could go over to his family's like x-mas morning and than in the afternoon and for dinner you and him could go to your family's place :s i think its a good plan

Answer 6

When he told you he didn't have plans he meant it. But his mom probably neglected to mention that she was having guests. She didn't inform him, but still expects him to attend, regardless of any previous planning he made. I know people like this. I'd be pissed at his mom, not him. She is probably putting the pressure on him to spend time with his family and to keep the peace he's agreeing. There's not much you can do. Unless you two are married, his obligations to his family are more important than those he made for you.

Answer 7

Guys are like that (4getful), this could be the shape of things to come.
1) Does he let you down to go out with other people often? If so you need to think if this is the guy for you.
2) On the other hand, I know what my mum is like when it comes to family events - and she would be sorely put out if my brothers didn't at least make an appearance over Xmas.
3) Is your guy comfortable at your folks? Maybe he still doesn't know them well enough or doesn't want to upset them or you by saying/ doing the wrong thing.

Just ask him outright but don't argue with him about it.

Answer 8

Family comes before a person you've started to love. Unless you and the guy are married, and then you can demand it. But don't freak out. It's only one holiday. Maybe suggest that his family and yours get together for the holiday dinner?

Answer 9

There's no right and wrong here. Sit down with your b/f and try to work out some kind of plan so that he can fulfill is obligations. I know this isn't all that easy, but it's worth trying. I'm sure he doesn't want to hurt you or hurt his family. I think you can work something out.

Answer 10

baby girl i hate to say it but you really soundin' young. take it from a street wised, ex- playa', vet, if he really has any intentions on spending any time with you on x-mas please believe that he will make the time for you, but in the mean time just in passing conversation make mention that you have been invited out somewhere with a group now not another man and see if he doesn't try to work himself into the plan and if he doesn't he really didn't have plans on spending that time with you anyway. and remember that men do tend to try to distance themselves from us around the holidays to keep from having to buy us gifts anyway.