some feedback, closure and truth?

Question

I want to get some feedback, closure and truth from an ex. I want to move forward, date new people, and find love again.

Relationship is frustrating as she shuts down....all I want is feedback, and closure. If she wants, what I want, closure and distance, is this too much to ask? How to approach it?

Possible problems is that she cheated, and treated me poorly, and doesn't want to come clean. But 19 months have passed...8 with no contact....should this be an issue?

Answer 1

closure is a myth.

You know she cheated on you and she is continuing to lie about it. She's not going to spontaneously open up and say "forgive me I was so wrong to you, I shouldn't have done that." You are not going to hear the words that you want to hear come out of her mouth. Just ain't gonna happen.

Your closure has to come from your acceptance that she is not going to give you what you want. She denied your feelings and needs in your relationship, this isn't anything new. She's not going to change now. She would have to be an entirely different person than she is right now to give you what you are requesting. This is when you have to say to yourself that she no longer has power over you and your life and it is time for you to move on.

If it helps. You can write a letter to her telling her what it is you need from her, how hurt you were at her mistreatment of you. Everything that you would have told her in a face to face. Then burn the letter. As the letter burns to ash and smoke, imagine that the hold she has on you, your feelings of anger and disappointment are also burning away with the letter. Then throw the ashes away. never contact her again.

If this doesn't help you, then seriously consider some counseling--it's been 19 months of festering and eating away at you, it's long since past the time to move on.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

Well, that's a LONG time for you to still be waiting for "truth and closure" from someone who wasn't truthful to you even while you were together... don't you think!? What makes you think that she will come clean after the feelings between you have died (at least on her part) and you've been apart for so long, if she wasn't honest enough to come clean back then when you broke it up?? I wouldn't expect ANYTHING from this person, neither good nor bad..... and I think that 8 months of no contact should be enough for both of you to understand that whatever there was between you is DEAD now and you have to move on. What are you waiting for to "move forward, date new people, and find love again" ??? To be 50 yrs old?? You don't know if you'll wake up tomorrow..... you have to take advantage and enjoy your life TODAY because you don't know how longer you'll be here...!!! No one is worth such a long wait or being kept hanging on to their memory, especially if they were so mean to you. I also suggest that you get some therapy, it has helped me during my hard times (I also ended a R'ship very recently and am still very much in love with him although he was a jerk in some aspects) and I guess that's what you may need to completely leave this behind and move on...... good luck!

Answer 3

What kind of closure do you want. You already have 8 months with no contact. I call that a good start.
Cut ties and move on. That works best.

Answer 4

i think you should get over her.
she never loved you.
and never deserved a man like you.

she cheated because she KNEW she didnt deserve you.
she treated you poorly because you let her.
she doesn't want to come clean because it would hurt her pride.

she doesn't need to come clean.
she hurt you.
you know that.
her admitting it won't make it hurt any less.

go on vacation.
have a fling or two.
take the time you need to get over this mess.

Answer 5

move on, that will be closure. wanting answers means you don't want closure.